How To Save Your Marriage: 20 Therapist Tips

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10 November 2023

11 Mins

A successful and fulfilling marriage needs ongoing effort and dedication. Life can get complicated with jobs, kids, money issues, and other relationships. Therefore, it's common to face challenges in your marriage at some point in time. However, what counts is how you handle them to keep your relationship strong.

Here, we share 20 tips recommended by therapists to keep your relationship better in the long run. Whether you want to bring back the romance or have better everyday conversations, you'll find useful advice here on how to save your marriage.

How to save your marriage

Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?

Challenges in a marriage do not always signify its failure. Even strong marriages can face difficulties. In many instances, these issues can be resolved if both partners are willing to work together.

However, certain significant problems can push a marriage beyond the point of reconciliation. Issues like infidelity, abuse, neglect, and control may not have easy solutions; however, let's examine each of them more closely and see in which cases marriage is worth saving.

1. Controlling behavior

In any relationship, people should have the freedom to be themselves, set their own goals, and find their happiness. If one partner is always telling the other what to do, how to use money, or what dreams to follow, it might be a sign that the marriage needs a closer look because it could lead to trouble.

2. Abuse in marriage

Violence in a relationship is never justified. All couples have disagreements sometimes, which is normal. But when physical or emotional harm happens, it's not good for your marriage. In such situations, recognize the signs of abuse and seek help to ensure a safe and healthy relationship for yourself.

3. Ignorance

Long-term neglect, when your partner doesn't pay attention to you even in simple conversations, can be just as harmful as physical abuse. This neglect is a kind of mistreatment, and it's important to consider the well-being of your marriage if it persists.

4. Cheating on spouse

Cheating in a marriage, known as infidelity, can deeply hurt and make someone feel unloved. Being a frequent issue, research shows that about 10-15% of women and 20-25% of men cheat in their marriages.

Some couples can work through this problem with help like counseling, but the emotional scars may remain if not treated properly. Sadly, in some cases, the damage from cheating is too significant, leading to divorce.

Cheating on spouse

What Causes a Marriage to Fall Apart?

There is no doubt that it is a lot of work to keep a relationship going with the same enthusiasm as before. However, what causes marriages to fail even after starting with optimism? Here are some reasons, such as:

  • Communication issues
  • Lack of intimacy
  • Financial stress
  • Trust issues
  • ​Infidelity
  • Commitment issues
  • Different life goals
  • Family interference
  • Substance abuse or other addictions
  • Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse
  • Growing apart
  • Demanding jobs or career-related stress
  • Unresolved conflicts
  • Serious health issues

What causes a marriage to fall apart

20 Tips on How to Save Your Marriage

Marriages are oaths for life about love, willingness to give, and having a soulmate in all good and bad life situations. Therefore, it is always a good idea to address the issues in your marriage life rather than letting them go. We have a breakdown of 20 tips on how to save your marriage when it seems impossible to make the bond stronger and everlasting. Let's do a deep dive into it.

Tips on how to save marriage

1. Limit your expectations

If you're considering how to save your marriage, remember that nobody is flawless. Even if you're a great and caring person, you'll still have imperfections. We all have our shortcomings because we're humans. So, while you're searching for perfection in your spouse, take a look at your actions too. Instead of expecting your partner to be perfect, start recognizing your flaws as well. Once you start doing this, you'll see a positive change in how you treat them. Over time, things will get better, and your bond will improve.

2. Remember the day of your marriage

Before you consider ending your marriage, take a moment and reflect on why you came with your partner or what has made you stay with them for so long. Marriage promises aren't just words; they reflect your shared values and what matters most to you. They serve as a reminder of why you picked your partner as your spouse, what you loved about them, and how they influenced your life together. When times get tough, these promises help you remember not to give up.

3. Address the rising problem

Don't rush to end your marriage when you sense it's going through a tough phase. Instead, confront it with bravery. If you're seeking ways to save your marriage, start by understanding the core problem. Then examine what's causing you trouble or straining your marriage. Remember, there's a solution to every problem, and you can resolve it through mutual understanding.

Address the rising problem

4. Do not complain about small things

In your quest to figure out how to save my marriage, you need to understand that begging, crying, or seeking constant validation won't change anything. It's time to let go of these coping strategies and take charge.

You should be ready to fight for your marriage and take productive action. Have a conversation with your partner about the issues in your marriage and the steps you both can take to make it better.

5. Make yourself emotionally strong

There will certainly be moments that test your emotional strength. You might doubt yourself and wonder why you're trying to save your marriage. But in either case, don't give up. You need to be tough and face this challenge by yourself. The journey might be lengthy and exhausting, so be ready to learn how to save your marriage from divorce challenges.

Make yourself emotionally strong

6. Focus on other aspects of your life

Maybe you're putting too much attention on the problem, which is causing stress. It might be more beneficial to start focusing on other important aspects, such as your spouse's positive qualities. Obsessive thoughts can disturb your peace of mind. Certainly, once you redirect your focus, you'll find a solution to how to save my marriage.

One way to redirect your focus is to spend time on yourself, nurturing your hobbies, and pursuing your goals. This can be a healthy and constructive way to regain balance in your life and contribute positively to your marriage.

7. Go on a romantic date

After marriage, it's always a good idea to keep the romance alive by going on dates with your partner. Even though you're married, you can still enjoy spending quality time together. You can plan a special date, ask your partner out, or surprise them with a romantic outing. Set aside some quality time with your spouse—just the two of you alone, away from distractions. Choose an environment where you can have conversations about your emotions, love, and life, as these will assist you in rejuvenating the fading romance.

8. Bring a change

Keep in mind that if you desire a better marriage and hope for your partner's involvement, you should take the first step in making those improvements. Marriage is a partnership, and it involves joint efforts. Therefore, you can begin making changes if you want things to improve in your marriage. For example, if you wish to spend more time together, you can start by planning a date and encouraging your partner to do the same.

Bring a change

9. Improve your communication skills

Make an effort to improve your communication skills, and remember to consider your partner's feelings. In a healthy marriage, good communication involves sharing your emotions and listening attentively to your spouse with an open heart.

To inculcate these changes, try couple therapy, read books, and attend workshops on improving this skill. Moreover, try to pick times when you can talk openly, plan times for these talks, or go on special dates where you pay attention to each other without getting distracted.

10. Give support with love

Extend love and support to the person you've chosen as your life partner. Your spouse requires validation just like you do. Discuss shared goals and aspirations with your spouse. Evaluate whether both of you feel emotionally validated and valued in the relationship. Perhaps it's time to revisit these topics, much like you likely did at the start of your relationship.

To make your marriage strong, express love in a way that resonates with your partner's unique love language, rather than imposing your love language on your partner, as this is a huge mistake people make. Don’t assume that they will feel loved in the same way you do; recognize their preferences and adapt your expressions of love accordingly.

11. Manage your problems with confidence

Show your spouse that you can handle problems in your marriage with confidence and a positive attitude. Taking charge and following through on your commitments demonstrates your dedication to improving the relationship. This motivates your partner to actively participate in strengthening your marriage.

12. Try to remain patient

Indeed, the issues in your marriage won't vanish overnight. Building a strong and lasting relationship takes time and dedication. Just as it took time for problems to emerge and affect your marriage, it will also take time to address and resolve them. There's no quick fix or shortcut to revitalizing your relationship. The key is to commit to undoing the damage that both you and your partner have experienced and to consistently work on healing and improving your relationship.

13. Give each other space

Ensure to understand the value of letting your spouse have some space to calm down during an argument. This isn't the same as taking a break; it's about honoring your partner's request for time apart. Let them choose when they want to return and continue your discussion. Respect their decision and give them their space.

Give each other space

14. Get intimate

In a successful marriage, emotional and physical closeness are equally important. If you want a solution to how to save your marriage, aspire to have both elements. Emotional closeness involves understanding your partner's inner world, their hopes, fears, and dreams. Sharing life's ups and downs, joys and sorrows, and supporting each other through thick and thin solidifies your emotional bond. Gestures like holding hands, cuddling, sexual intimacy, and giving a hug or kiss can do wonders for making your partner feel close and connected to you. Keep a balance of both and you and your partner will feel the happiest.

15. Appreciate them

Do not forget to express your appreciation for your marriage. A small thank you, a little gift, or a thoughtful gesture can go a long way in letting your partner know you value them.

Understanding each other's love language and attachment is also crucial. You might think you know how your partner likes to be appreciated, but you could be mistaken. Having a conversation about what makes them feel appreciated will give you a better understanding of how to meet their needs.

Appreciate them

16. Practice self-care

When you're married, you share your life with someone, including your happiness, love, dreams, and aspirations. However, happiness is your responsibility, and it's something you must nurture and build a strong relationship with yourself.

Think about what makes you feel peaceful and incorporate more of those activities into your life. Create a list of things you can do to relax and recharge, such as getting a new haircut, taking leisurely showers, tending to your garden, or reading a book. By practicing self-care and looking after your well-being, you'll be more emotionally available for your spouse and your relationship.

17. Look at the positive aspects of your marriage

If you’re wondering how to save a marriage, you need to bring positivity. Every day, make an effort to notice the positive things your partner does and their good qualities. Actively seeking out positive moments can greatly impact how you react to negative ones. Our minds tend to find what they're searching for. If you're always on the lookout for flaws, you'll discover them. However, if you consciously decide to focus on your partner's positive traits and actions, you'll find those too. This positive perspective can enhance your relationship in some amazing ways.

18. Listen to them carefully

One of the best ways to save a marriage that is falling apart is by listening to your partner. Understanding your spouse's true feelings and listening to them attentively is a powerful way to build empathy. When your spouse senses that you genuinely comprehend their point of view, arguments often transform into productive discussions. Empathizing doesn't mean you have to agree with everything; it simply means you can see things from their perspective.

Listen to them carefully

19. Do not be judgmental

Judging your spouse typically leads to negative results. Nobody enjoys it and even well-intentioned criticism can backfire. Couples who've experienced therapy often appreciate the value of feeling heard and validated by their partner. Be mindful while choosing your words and use "I" statements to express your needs and feelings while addressing issues, which can lead to more effective problem-solving.

21. Be gentle and kind

Consider the contrast in how we tend to treat other people versus our life partners. When a friend or someone you admire accidentally spills juice on your dress, even though it may irritate you, you're likely to react with gentleness. Now, reflect on why it's often harder to extend the same gentleness to our spouses. Take a moment for self-examination and delve into the feelings that this contrast evokes.

Save and Strengthen Your Marriage with Professional Help

The key to maintaining a strong and enduring marriage lies in your determination to overcome these obstacles. The good news is that, regardless of the duration of the issues you've been facing, it's never too late to consider seeking assistance through marriage counseling.

Marriage counseling and couples online therapy are truly effective. It can help you and your spouse address issues, enhance your communication, and rebuild a more resilient bond. These sessions provide a safe and supportive environment where both partners can express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly. With the guidance of a skilled therapist, you can work together to identify the root causes of your marital problems and develop effective strategies to overcome them.

Save and strengthen your marriage with professional help

How Can Now&Me Help?

We know that marriage can be a stressful experience, and we're here to assist you every step of the way. If you have thoughts about how to save your marriage when it seems impossible, how to save your marriage from divorce, how to save a marriage that is falling apart, or when it is too late to save a marriage, Now&Me is your companion in dealing with all these complexities.

Our team of experts is committed to helping you with all your marriage and relationship concerns. Through one-on-one consultation calls with our experts, starting at just Rs. 30, you can receive valuable support and personalized guidance for your situation.

Beyond our experts, when you join our platform, you become a part of a supportive and secure community where individuals can relate to your issues and provide guidance based on their own experiences. What's even better is that you can download the Now&Me app for free and get offers and discounts on therapy.

For Further Reading

How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship: 15 Tips from Therapists

What is a Hopeless Romantic? 15 Signs You Might Be One

15 Red Flags in a Relationship

20 Ways to Become a Better Partner in Your Relationship

How To Overcome The Fear of Losing Someone You Love

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