What are the 5 love languages and types? What is my love language?

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06 November 2023

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What are the 5 love languages and types? What is my love language?

Whether you're single or in a committed relationship, understanding the 5 love languages can help you communicate your needs. Understand the different types of love languages to build more intimacy and trust.

Have you ever wondered what my love language is? In a relationship, love languages refer to the many ways people understand and express love. Knowing and communicating your partner's love language can make you both feel loved and valued .

Love languages relate to relationships between parents and children, coworkers, and even friends, and are not limited to romantic relationships. For example, you may make a coworker feel more valued and joyful if you compliment them or use words of affirmation instead of performing any act of service, such as completing some office duties for them.

When couples learn to communicate in each other's love language, the things they do for each other become more thoughtful and purposeful. Part of this is due to the fact that they are expressing their love for their partner in ways that make sense to them.

Why is it important to know your partner’s love language?

Not everyone expresses their love the same way, and harmony can sometimes be lost in translation between the different love languages. Therefore, it's critical to understand how your companion perceives love and let them know how you define it. Your relationship can be the nicest thing that has ever happened to you if you feel loved, just like you have always desired.

How do love languages improve your relationship?

  • In a relationship, different types of love languages might serve to encourage selflessness. When two people are dedicated to knowing their other half's needs and desires, it demonstrates how important and meaningful they are to them.
  • Understanding your partner's love language allows you to relate to them. You learn to care profoundly about how they feel and prioritise their happiness over your own. Although it is a two-way street, committing to learning each other's love languages allows you to communicate in a way they understand and like. Now that love language has been explained, let's dive into the many types of love languages in this blog to better understand your partner's love needs.

image of 5 love languages

The 5 Types of Love Languages

There are five love language types of conveying affection, according to Dr Gary Chapman's book "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts," which he condensed from his expertise in marriage therapy and semantics. Now you may ask, what is my love language? So, let’s understand these different love languages and find out yours.

Words of Affirmation

In this case, words speak louder than actions. Words of comfort mean everything to them. A person whose primary love language is words of affirmation will value what you have to say to them, regardless of whether it is written or spoken. There are different ways to make your partner happy using words of affirmation:

  • Let them know how much you appreciate and cherish them.
  • Shower them with words of encouragement and remind them of their individual qualities and strengths.
  • Say “I love you” to them more often as an act of reassurance.
  • Express your gratitude for specific things your partner does.
  • Openly compliment them in front of others.

Quality Time

This is a love language for people who enjoy spending time with their loved ones and are always willing to stay with them. These people feel important and valued when you actively lend them a listening ear, make more eye contact while they are with you or have meaningful conversations very often. Spending quality time is also a love language for long-distance couples. It could entail spending long periods of time on video conversations, binge-watching movies online with one another, or going on virtual dates, among other things. There are different ways you can spend quality time with your partner:

  • Go on adventures and step outside your comfort zones as a couple. This might include going on a trip together or trying out a new restaurant.
  • To have more bonding and emotionally intimate times with your partner, keep your phones and other devices away from each other while you're together.
  • Go on walks together and share recreational activities to have more fun while spending time with each other.

Receiving gifts

The act of gift-giving is possibly the most misunderstood of all the love languages. It may appear selfish, materialistic and demanding or as if the recipient is obsessed with possessions rather than love itself. That isn't the case at all. If gifts are your or your partner's love language, it indicates you feel loved when you receive something tangible. It makes no difference if the item is a little trinket from a local goodwill store or a 50-foot ship. Either way, the message is the same: When I saw this, I was thinking about you. You're constantly on my mind.

Physical Touch

If physical touch is your love language, it suggests that physical gestures of love are more important to you than receiving presents or compliments. If you're having a difficult day, a hug from your lover might be more comforting than words of reassurance. You feel happy when your partner holds your hand when you walk, or when they give tiny little random pecks on your cheeks to show their love for you. Physical forms of affection, such as cuddling or hugging, release oxytocin, a feel-good hormone that makes you feel as if nothing can hurt you. As a result, spending some quality time with your lover and expressing your love through physical touch is a good option.

Acts of Service

If acts of service are your love language, you appreciate it when your partner goes out of their way to make your life simpler. It's little things like bringing you soup when you're sick, preparing your breakfast in the morning, or picking up your favourite pastry on the way home after a long day at work. For these people, actions speak louder than words. You give up your time when you perform Acts of service. This nonverbal kind of love might be time-consuming and demanding, but it's well worth the effort if it's what your partner requires. Acts of service can be useful for any healthy relationship, even if your partner favours a different love language.

How to Use Different Love Languages in Your Romantic Relationship

Here are some tips on how to use these love language types in your relationship:

Identify your own love language

To begin with, take some time to reflect on how you personally feel loved and appreciated. Do you prefer physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, or receiving gifts? Understanding your own love language can help you communicate your needs to your partner.

Learn your partner's love language

Ask your partner what makes them feel most loved and appreciated. Do they like receiving gifts, or do they feel more loved when you spend quality time with them? Pay attention to their actions and words, as these can give you clues about what their love language might be.

Show love in your partner's love language

Once you know your partner's love language, make an effort to show love in that way. For example, if your partner's love language is an act of service, try doing something thoughtful for them, like cooking dinner or running an errand. If their love language is physical touch, make sure to hug, kiss, and cuddle often.

Mix it up

While it's important to show love in your partner's preferred love language, it's also great to mix it up and express love in different ways. This can help prevent your efforts from becoming predictable, and help you learn more about your partner's love language.

How to Use Different Love Languages in Your Non Romantic Relationships

If you want to apply these different love languages to your non-romantic relationships to keep it spicy and alive, the first thing to do is identify the love language of the person you want to connect with. You can do this by observing their behaviors, listening to how they express themselves, and paying attention to the things they do for others.

For example, if your partner is always doing small acts of service, like making you coffee or picking up your favorite snack, their love language may be acts of service. Once you have identified their love language, you can start to incorporate it into your interactions with them.

If your partner's love language is words of affirmation, it would be helpful to compliment and appreciate them frequently. However, when their love language is quality time, make sure to spend time with them, engaging in activities they love. For those who like to receive gifts as their love language, thoughtful gifts and gestures can go a long way in making them feel loved and valued.

The most common love language type

Well, the most common love language varies depending on the individual, but according to the author Gary Chapman , the most common love language is words of affirmation. This means that for many people, hearing kind and loving words from their partner is the most important way that they feel loved and appreciated.

However, everyone is different and may have opposing preferences when it comes to expressing and receiving love. Therefore, words of affirmation may be the most common love language for some, but others may prioritize quality time, acts of service, physical touch, or receiving gifts.

Criticisms of the Love Language Theory

Love languages have been all the rage for almost 30 years now, but have we been using them the right way? While the concept has its merits, some experts believe that relying too heavily on it can lead to problems in relationships. For instance, some people may take the love languages as a personality test, completely missing the point of adapting to our partner's love language.

Recent research has shown that couples sharing the same love language don't necessarily lead to a successful and happy relationship. Couples who had differing styles were just as happy as those who were aligned. This indicates that mastering fluency in the love language system is more valuable than solely relying on dominant love language types. Adapting it based on what our partner needs at the moment can enhance the relationship further.

Relying too heavily on love languages can promote codependency and hinder the development of autonomy and authenticity in a relationship. Relationships should allow room for transformation and growth.

Moreover, the love language system may feel too simplistic since it doesn't account for factors such as sexuality, culture, trauma, and intergenerational differences in nuanced communities. We should also understand that human relationships are complex and reflective of our childhood wounds and attachment styles.

Why the Love Language Types May Not Work for Everyone

The love languages can be a helpful tool for some people, but it's important to recognize that they may not work for everyone.

If you find that the love languages aren't resonating with you or your partner, don't worry. Everyone has different preferences and ways of expressing and receiving love. Just because one person feels loved through physical touch doesn't mean that it's the only way to express love or that it will work for everyone.

Know that love languages are not a one-size-fits-all solution. They may oversimplify complex relationship dynamics, and they don't account for the unique nuances and preferences of each individual and relationship. Plus, some people may not fit neatly into any one category, or they may have more than one love language that resonates with them.

Be open to different ways of expressing love and communicating with your partner, and to finding what works best for you as a couple.

How can Now&Me help you?

Our platform, Now&Me, is a safe place that helps you become self-aware by writing out whatever is weighing you down. It can help you engage with others and make you look at things from a different perspective while helping you practise gratitude, which further pushes you to love yourself. Become a part of the larger community and understand yourself differently. When you do not know what your love language is, sign up on Now&Me and let your words flow. You can chat online with experts for free or even book a consultation call with them. Join the most trusted community, where you can share your experience and get to know other people’s experiences. What you have to do is simply download the app and make this app your happy place.


The 5 love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. They are the primary ways that people give and receive love.

Love languages are the ways that individuals prefer to express and receive love. They are used to show affection and communicate an emotional connection with others.

Individuals can identify their own love language by reflecting on how they prefer to give and receive love. It's possible for their love language to change over time based on personal growth, experiences, and changes in their relationships.

Yes, individuals can have more than one love language. This can affect their relationships by providing a wider range of ways to show love and connection with their partner.

Yes, it's common for a person's love language to be different from their partner's. Navigating this can involve understanding each other's love language and making an effort to express love in ways that are meaningful to the other person.

Understanding love languages can help improve communication and intimacy by providing a framework for expressing love and emotional connection in a way that resonates with the other person. It can also help you become more attuned to your partner's needs and preferences, leading to stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

Ignoring or not understanding your partner's love language can lead to feelings of frustration, disconnection, and misunderstanding in the relationship. It may also create a sense of emotional distance, making it harder for both partners to feel loved and appreciated in the relationship.

Love languages can vary across cultures and communities, and while there may be some common themes or expressions of love that are universal, each person may have their own unique way of expressing and receiving love.

Yes, understanding your love language can help you become more self-aware of your needs and desires in a relationship. It can also help you communicate more effectively with your partner and improve the overall quality of your relationships.

Absolutely! Love languages can be used to express love and appreciation in any type of relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic, or familial.

Yes, love languages can change over time as individuals and relationships evolve. You can adapt to these changes by communicating openly and honestly with each other about your needs and desires, and working together to find new ways to express and receive love.

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