The fear of losing someone you love is real. It is a harsh reality of being human that you will lose people someday, whether it is by getting distant, through death, or by having a falling out with them.
However, just because you’re aware of this reality, it can make living your life to the fullest a thousand times more beautiful. Knowing that this is going to end someday makes you want to cherish the good moments and not take anything for granted.
There is another term to explain the phrase phobia of losing someone you love, which is thanatophobia. The term basically means the fear of death, as well as the fear of losing someone you love. But just because you have this fear doesn’t mean that you can't overcome it. Having this fear makes you human, but excessive fear can hinder your mental health and personal relationships.
So, let’s see how you can overcome the fear of losing someone you love.
How Does the Fear of Losing Someone Build?
The fear of losing someone mostly builds when you know that people tend to leave and that death can happen anytime, anywhere. However, these feelings develop during your childhood years. Consequently, whatever you experience in your developing years becomes the foundation for your early relationships, especially your romantic relationships.
This phobia usually develops because of childhood experiences like parental neglect, emotional abuse, or an insecure attachment style. A lot of times, parents might give their best, but forget that they might be negligent towards their children's emotional needs. And this can cause a child to fear that their partners or other relationships will leave them or won’t give them the love they deserve.
A parent might give their children all the financial support they need and forget about the emotional and social support they wish to have. And as a result, children develop this fear of losing someone they love, often leading to thanatophobia.
This fear can also come if a child witnesses someone close to dying in their house or someone who is suffering from a serious illness and is in a high-risk situation. These situations can build a lot of fear inside the child, which starts to show up when they grow up and start forming their personal relationships.
Fortunately, there is always a way out. So to heal yourself from this fear, we will see how to overcome it strategically.
How to Overcome the Fear of Losing Someone You Love
Losing a loved one is the most difficult and heartbreaking thing to experience. But as we know, life stops for no one, and we must carry on, no matter what the situation. So even though it is normal to fear that you might lose someone you love, it is important to understand the logical and realistic aspects of life.
So, here are some ways to overcome the fear of losing someone you love.
Be Realistic and Logical
While the matter of losing someone is deeply emotional and sensitive, be it through death or distance, whatever the case may be, it is important to look at things realistically and see what is in your hands and what is not.
1. Understand that it is normal
When you are not able to look at things objectively, understand that you are a human and that having a fear of losing someone you love is common, and there is absolutely no problem with it. However, if you can see that your fear of losing someone you love is getting out of control and is hindering your day-to-day activities, then it is important to talk to someone about it, particularly an elder. It is important to understand that life can be unpredictable; however, you have the time to make memories with the person you love the most and share your fears with them so they can console you and help you feel like it is natural and common.
2. Focus on what is in your hands
If you are looking after a loved one, it is important to remember what you can or cannot control. Spending time with them, caring for them, having fun with them, and making memories with them is something that you can possibly do. However, you need to remember that you cannot be responsible for every distress they go through; you cannot take away their pain and make them feel better, and you certainly cannot predict what will happen in the future for them.
So it is important to focus on the now and make memories with them. However, if it is related to the disturbing thoughts that you are experiencing, focus on how you can make them go; talk to the particular person; look at things objectively; talk to a friend; or seek professional help.
3. Accept the reality
While it can be hard to imagine living a life without your loved ones, it is a harsh reality that everyone has to accept. It has been shown that when people accept that death is a part of life, they actually lead a fulfilled life. They do not take life for granted and cherish every moment with their loved ones.
Yes, it is hard to lose someone you love, but knowing everyone has a limited time on earth makes you appreciate the little things in life and make time for them every now and then.
Build a Healthy Coping Mechanism
Losing someone you love is inevitable; you cannot control if someone wishes to leave or is taken away. What you can control is building a healthy coping mechanism to get through the painful loss of someone.
1. Connect with your hobbies
When you are deeply saddened by the thought of losing someone you love, connect with the hobbies that make you happy and give you a sense of solace and tranquillity. It is easy to get swayed by your thoughts and harm yourself, so it is better to invest in hobbies that help you connect with yourself and distract you from negative thoughts.
2. Try meditation
When you know how your thoughts have a tendency to trap you in stressful scenarios, try the art of meditation to feel balanced and secure. Meditation helps you look at things objectively and connect with your real and higher self. When you listen to your intuition, you develop a positive mindset, even if you lose someone you love.
3. Get in touch with a higher power
A higher power can be anything that makes you feel connected to the universe and helps you feel better about something that is worrying you. Even though, as humans, we know that everything isn’t in our control, knowing there is a greater power that can help you ease your pain gives you immense strength to get through a difficult time without any fear. However, if you aren’t religious or do not believe in all of this, get in touch with your intuition and let it guide you.
Surround Yourself with Positivity
When your thoughts are deeply impacting your mind, it is best to surround yourself with people who bring you peace and solace. This makes you realize how some thoughts lie to us and are meant to be ignored.
1. Make memories with your loved ones
It is easy to listen to your thoughts and get distracted by them, but what can really help you in times like this is doing what is in your control, spending time with your loved ones and making memories with them that you will cherish in the future. Try not to let your fear of not being able to spend time with your loved ones take over your love for them.
2. Talk to your close ones
Your thoughts have no limit on how negative they can get, so to avoid that feeling, talk to a family member or a friend and share your feelings with them. They might be able to help you look at the positive side of the picture and put a stop to your unnecessary thoughts.
3. Seek professional help
If you feel like you have no one to talk to, you can seek professional help. They will give you the space to share your thoughts and feelings out loud without any shame or guilt. Moreover, they will also help you navigate your unnecessary thoughts and see the situation in a different light. If you feel you have no platform to vent or no professional help to contact, our Now&Me team is here to help you by listening to your worries anonymously and finding the right expert that suits you and your needs.
How can Now&Me help?
Our platform, Now&Me, is a safe place that helps you feel lighter by writing out whatever is weighing you down. It helps you engage with others and makes you look at your situation from a logical and solution-oriented perspective. Become a part of the larger community and understand yourself and how to overcome the fear of losing someone you love through online counseling.
When you do not know how to overcome the fear of losing someone you love and tackle your situation effectively, sign up on Now&Me and seek professional guidance from our experts. Be a part of a non-judgmental, inclusive, and friendly community. A platform made for you to readily ask for help and let our experts help you understand the root cause of your issue properly.
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FAQs
The phobia of losing someone is called Thanatophobia.
There is no one reason why you might have a fear of losing someone; it depends from person to person. However, common reasons for getting this fear are emotional conflicts, childhood issues, learned behavior, abandonment issues, rejection issues, and attachment.
Yes indeed. It is absolutely alright to fear losing someone you love and care about. A little bit of fear reinforces relationships by pushing you to spend time with your loved ones, be there for them, and create memories with them.
You can cure the fear of losing someone you love by looking at things from an objective perspective and understanding that it is okay to have this fear from time to time. However, if your fear is coming from a deep-rooted issue, then you can seek professional help, understand your fears properly, and make a proper healthcare plan for yourself.
It is quite impossible to be totally devoid of fear, especially for someone you love and care about. However, you can look at the positive aspect of this, which is that when you know you have limited time with someone, you push yourself to make an effort, you never take them for granted, and you make memories with them that you can cherish forever.
There can be different reasons for your fear of losing someone in a relationship, but the most common ones are abandonment issues, unresolved childhood issues, an insecure attachment style, or conflicts within your relationship that might lead you to think that they might leave you.
Yes, fear of losing someone can cause immense anxiety if the only thought roaming in your head is, “What if they leave me?” or “What if they stop loving me?” So in order to prevent this and look at your relationship in a positive limelight, you can seek professional help or talk to your partner, or loved ones about it.
Yes, it is absolutely normal to feel scared of a healthy relationship, but it is also important to share this with your partner or loved ones, as this can be the root cause of something important. People who are familiar with chaos or have grown up seeing conflicts can have a hard time settling into a stable and balanced relationship. This is quite normal, but it is also important to seek guidance for this so it doesn’t get out of hand.
It is difficult to tell how much pain losing someone will cause. Pain is not quantifiable, and everyone has a different way of feeling it, as some people might not feel their pain so hard, while others might.
