Breakups are one of life's most painful experiences, leaving us feeling shattered and lost. But why do they hurt so much? Why does the end of a relationship feel like the end of the world? It’s because you have invested so much time, love, and emotions, planned your life with them, and shared amazing memories that you would give anything to relive again.
It’s awful now, no hope whatsoever and the worst part is the gaping hole in your heart which nothing seems to fill. It’s as though your meaning in life is lost, and you’re just floating without an anchor to ground you. Regardless of who initiated the breakup, it’s one of the life-altering experiences you’ll go through.
But, you’ll be amazed to know how this excruciating pain slowly but surely heals. You’ll smile again, without anything weighing you down, and the void in your heart won’t be there anymore. But, for all that to happen, you need to grieve the loss, give yourself all the love in the world, and constantly nurture your well-being. In this blog, we’ll show exactly how to get over a breakup.
Why Do Breakups Hurt So Much?
Love’s The Most Powerful and Addictive Drug
You know that with love always comes a risk of loss, but we love anyway. It’s a bond that goes beyond mere emotion. When we fall in love, our brains release a flood of chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, creating feelings of pleasure, attachment, and happiness. This chemical cocktail forms a powerful bond between partners, making the breakup feel like withdrawal from a drug.
Your Identities Have Blended
In a relationship, we often intertwine our identities with our partners. We become part of a couple, sharing experiences, dreams, and goals. When the relationship ends, we lose not just our partner but also a part of ourselves. The loss of this shared identity can leave us feeling adrift and unsure of who we are without the relationship.
You Are Uncertain About the Future
Breakups thrust us into the unknown, forcing us to confront a future without our partners, especially if it’s unexpected and takes you by surprise. This uncertainty can be terrifying, and cause you to question everything you know, depleting any smidge of safety and certainty you hold for yourself. We may fear being alone, starting over, or never finding love again. These fears can amplify the pain of the breakup, making it difficult to move forward.
You’re Grieving – One of the Hardest Phases to Be In
A breakup is a loss, and like any loss, it triggers a process of grief and mourning. We mourn the loss of the relationship, the future we envisioned, and the memories we shared. This grieving process is necessary for healing but can be incredibly painful as we come to terms with the end of the relationship.
You’re Scared of the Stigma That Comes With Being Single
In many cultures, relationships are seen as integral to our identity and happiness. The pressure to be in a relationship, coupled with the stigma of being single, can intensify the pain of a breakup. We may feel judged or inadequate, adding to our emotional turmoil.
Your Memories Haunt You
Memories of the relationship can be both a comfort and a source of pain. Reminders of special moments, places, or shared experiences can trigger intense emotions, making it difficult to move on. These memories can keep us stuck in the past, prolonging our pain.
You’re Praying to Get Back Together, But Regretting it Too
Even in heartbreak, we may cling to hope that the relationship can be salvaged. This hope, while comforting, can also prolong our pain as we hold onto the past. Similarly, feelings of regret for things left unsaid or undone can weigh heavily on our hearts, adding to our emotional burden.
How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Breakup?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of how to get over a breakup. The process can be influenced by a variety of factors, including the length and intensity of the relationship, the reason for the breakup, and the level of support available.
At the outset, the pain of a breakup can feel overwhelming. The initial shock and disbelief may give way to feelings of sadness, anger, and confusion. It's important to allow yourself to experience these emotions fully, without judgment or self-criticism. Embracing your feelings is a crucial part of the healing process.
As time passes, the intensity of these emotions may begin to fade, replaced by a sense of acceptance and understanding. You may find yourself reflecting on the relationship, and gaining insights into yourself and your partner. This period of introspection can be valuable, helping you to learn from the experience and grow as a person.
However, healing is not always a linear process. There may be days when the pain resurfaces unexpectedly, catching you off guard. This is perfectly normal. Healing is a journey with ups and downs, twists and turns. It's important to be patient and compassionate with yourself during these times of difficulty, when you figure out how to get over a relationship.
It's important not to compare your healing process to that of others. Your journey is unique, and it's okay to take the time you need to heal fully, as you decipher how to get over a break up.
Healing Stages After a Breakup
Shock and Denial
The initial stage of healing often involves shock and denial. You may feel numb or disconnected from your emotions, unable to fully grasp the reality of the breakup. This stage serves as a protective mechanism, allowing you to process the loss gradually.
Pain and Guilt
As the shock wears off, you may experience intense feelings of pain, sadness, and guilt. You may second-guess your decisions or dwell on past mistakes. It's important to allow yourself to feel these emotions fully, as they are a natural part of the healing process.
Anger and Bargaining
As the reality of the breakup sets in, you may experience feelings of anger and resentment towards your ex-partner or yourself. You may also find yourself bargaining, trying to find ways to fix the relationship or make things right. It's important to acknowledge these feelings but also to recognize that they are temporary.
Depression and Reflection
The depression stage is often characterized by feelings of profound sadness and loneliness. You may find yourself withdrawing from others or struggling to find joy in activities you once enjoyed. This stage is a critical part of the healing process on how to get over a break up, as it allows you to reflect on the relationship and gain insight into yourself.
Acceptance and Hope
As you move through the healing process, you will begin to accept the reality of the breakup and find hope for the future. You may start to see the breakup as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. This stage is marked by a sense of acceptance and peace.
Reconstruction and Moving On
The final stage of healing involves reconstruction and moving on. You will begin to rebuild your life and create a new sense of normalcy, by figuring out how to get over a breakup fast. This stage is about rediscovering yourself and your passions and embracing the possibilities that lie ahead.
How to Get Over a Breakup: 15 Ways to Deal With The Heartache
Amidst the pain, there is an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and healing. Here are 18 ways for you to understand how to heal after a breakup.
1. Feel All the Feels
Dealing with a breakup is not an easy task, you come across a whole lot of ugly emotions – sadness, anger, confusion. Allow yourself to feel these emotions fully. Cry if you need to, invite a friend over to vent out, scream into a pillow, or write in a journal. Processing your feelings is an essential part of the healing process. As long as you find healthy ways to vent, you’re doing great!
2. Lean on Your Tribe
Your friends and family are your support system during this difficult time. Lean on them for comfort, guidance, and a listening ear. Talking about your feelings can help you feel less alone and more understood. If you’re a deeply private person, you may shrug at the idea of sharing your stuff with others. So, find one friend you can trust who won’t reveal your story to anyone else, and confide in them. Grief halves when shared. You deserve to feel better, at least for a little bit. Go ahead, call the friend, to figure out how to get over a breakup.
3. Self-Care, Always
Self-care is crucial during a breakup. Take care of your physical and emotional well-being by eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. Self-care is not selfish; it's necessary for your healing. It’s okay if you’re not able to shower, clean yourself with wet wipes. Can’t focus enough to cook? Take-out. Can’t go to work? Ask for a couple of days off, if possible, or request a coworker to cover your shift, so you can compensate them later on. Want to stay in bed, and let yourself feel your feelings? That’s self-care too!
4. Cut Contact (At Least for Now)
While it may be tempting to stay in touch with your ex, it's important to establish boundaries. Limiting contact can help you gain clarity and space to process your emotions without their influence. If your relationship was toxic, and breaking up was the only way out, getting back in contact will not allow you to process what happened, but rather keep you in the loop with no recluse, and won’t be able to figure out how to get over a breakup.
5. Focus on the Now
Mindfulness can help you stay grounded and present. Focus on the moment – the sights, the sounds, the sensations. Allow yourself to be fully present in your own life, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Thinking about the future is one of the worst things that can bring you down during this phase. So, pay attention to anything that you aren’t going to do in the next 24 hours. Keep moving one day at a time.
6. Write It Out
Journaling can be a powerful tool for processing your emotions. Write down your thoughts, your feelings, your hopes, your fears. Putting your feelings into words can help you make sense of them and gain perspective. You don’t have to write complete sentences. Jot down words, and emotions you feel, scribble, draw, doodle, or do anything to bring out exactly how you feel. This process is cathartic, and exactly what you need right now, as you decode how to cope with a breakup.
7. Be Kind to Yourself
This is a difficult time, so be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend in need. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling without judgment. Don’t filter your thoughts and feelings. Whatever you feel or think is valid at this time, don’t condemn yourself.
8. Rediscover Your Passions
Use this time to reconnect with the things that bring you joy. Engage in activities that light you up and remind you of your worth. Rediscovering your passions can help you find purpose and joy.
9. Reflect, but Don't Dwell
It's natural to think about the relationship and what went wrong, but try not to dwell on it. Use this time to get on with dealing with a breakup, reflect on the lessons learned and how you can grow from the experience. Take stock of what worked, what your non-negotiables you are, and what you can take forward with you in your life.
10. Move Your Body
Exercise can be a great way to boost your mood and relieve stress. Find an activity you enjoy, whether it's yoga, dancing, or going for a run. Moving your body can help you release pent-up emotions and feel more energized. If nothing works for you, simply turn on some music and move, dance to your heart’s content. Moving your body helps release stress, and you may be able to process your emotions a lot better.
11. Rebound Relationships Aren’t the Solution
While it may be tempting to jump into a new relationship to numb the pain, it's important to give yourself time to heal. Rebound relationships can often lead to more heartache in the long run, and will hurt not only you, but the person you develop a rebound with.
12. Forgive, But Don’t Necessarily Forget
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Let go of any anger or resentment towards your ex and yourself. Forgiveness is not about forgetting or condoning, but about releasing yourself from negative emotions.
13. Healing Takes Time
Be patient with yourself. Healing is a journey, not a destination, and it's okay to take your time. Allow yourself the space to heal, to grieve, and to grow. This is a life-altering moment, so allow yourself some grace, and realise you’re not a bad person for not moving on immediately.
14. Believe in Your Strength
You are stronger than you think. Believe in your ability to overcome this and emerge stronger on the other side. Trust that this experience will make you stronger and more resilient. Recount all the times you’ve bounced back from failure, difficult moments, and the comebacks you’ve given time and time again. This will be one of those times. Trust in yourself, it’s the biggest favor you can do for yourself now.
15. Embrace the Journey
Healing after a breakup is a journey, and it's okay to embrace the ups and downs. Trust that this journey will lead you to a place of healing and growth. Embrace the process, and know that brighter days are ahead.
How Now&Me Relationship Counselors Can Help
If you’re fighting battles in your head every day and don’t know how to cope with the heaviness you feel when your partner isn’t with you, and you want to escape this misery, you should talk to a qualified, empathetic and seasoned therapist, like the ones we have at Now&Me.
With a therapist by your side, you can process your emotions, share what’s weighing you down, and start improving your mental health. These incredibly helpful sessions needn’t be expensive. Our prices start at INR 30/- per session, with the best line of therapists in the country. We vet our therapists thoroughly, and present to you only the best of the best, for you to choose from when you download the Now&Me app to book a session.
Here’s the best part – you also get to talk and share what’s on your heart anonymously with strangers, and take heart in those who have had similar experiences. That’s what our community is all about.
The right time to seek help is now. Download the Now&Me app today.