TW!?

Today was a really bad day at school, last night I sh on my wrist. Then today when I got to school everything was going good until 3rd period, my teacher noticed something was wrong so he talked to the school counselor after class was over. Then in 4th period I got called into the counselors office and we talked, then 5th hour my teacher also noticed something was wrong and she asked me if I was okay and I didn’t respond which that was a bad decision.

Self Harm

Why am I always being treated like shit ?

Frustration

God..Reason why I'm so terrified to be in love:

https://nowandme.com/im-at-my-lowest-point-of-my-life-jAV4iB1rm_VcbzK

Other

Alo te chol 
Aro alo te chol..
Amader nei nei..
Nei simana aa.....😌🩷

Music

Said a full and final bye to my boyfriend from past 3 years. It is hard than I thiught it would be. I have no hate feelings for him. It just did not work out for us. But he wasn't ready to accept that it isn't working. I had to cut things off because it was a lot to take in for both of us and I could see that. He must be very angry and mad at me. but I think it was best for both of us. Idk what exactly to say though, i just wish him lots of peace, love and healing in life always 🙃❤️

Breakup

Any Indians who are doing their masters in US

Education

I don't know how to start,i am feeling like i am dying and its heavy to breathe. I don't know what should i do after my graduation, its just my aimless life,i loved this guy and he cheated on me and i couldn't fall for anyone else. I just can't stop thinking about him and i want him back ,it feels like he is my mental peace . I am aimless without him and all i do is cry,its been 2 years and he never came back . I tried to talk to him and it never worked out as i got blocked from everywhere. Now i don't know what should i do as my graduation is over and all i can think is what am i suppose to do now and how am i suppose to do it? 
I am tired already because all i can see is darkness, i feel so heavy and its killing me. 

TRIGGER WARNING. 
Dear A, I can't believe I'm putting my story about you in this category. It's going to be a year day after. A year since I got the call at 4 am. Since I shouted at H that he was lying to me. Despite almost two years of your coma, I somehow had faith you'll wake up. I got to know at 4 in the morning, but I remember not crying till late at night. When I actually saw your body being put in that glass casket. I remember my parents telling me that you're in a better place. I remember swearing at everyone that said that, in my head. I decided to go for my 8 am lecture that day, thought it'll keep me busy till the rest of my friends woke up and found out. I smoked 6 cigarettes outside college that morning, all before the first lecture. I didn't say a word as I walked to class, but I remember almost passing out on the very last step before I could enter. I can't remember what I ate for breakfast this morning, but I remember that day as if its been etched into my mind forever. I remember waiting for T to wake up, dreading having to tell him or his parents. Sitting at A's house for 3 hours, waiting for everyone to reach Delhi, get together. I remember the first thing I said when I saw S was "I don't have any clothes for a funeral." We laughed so much, people around us thought we're crazy. The drive to your house was hell that day. You know how many memories we have in your house. The last time I was there before the accident in 2016, you made me have 8 shots to show your mother I have a great capacity. The next few times I was there, you couldn't talk but at least you were there. How were we supposed to walk into your house now? Who were we supposed to call out for? All those childhood pictures we made so much fun of you for, were now all I wanted to look at for hours. I remember running out of your house that night, unable to sit through everyone talking about how crazy this is. As always, everyone sat inside, while all your friends sat on the road chain smoking. We've always been this way, haven't we? The misfits. As bad as this day was, nothing compared to your final prayer meet 4 days later. I still shout at you in my head when I think about it. How dare you leave us all like this? We're just kids. How can we lose our own friend so soon? T kept saying "I'm going to join him. He's alone wherever he is. He needs me to help him roll a joint." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I cried. A lot that day. And a little bit everyday for a few months after. But now I'm better A. For you. I'm trying to look out for everyone for you too. Getting a little extra drunk at every party, for you haha. Anyway. I don't usually talk about you. But here, I know its out in the universe, yet nobody can see me as weak. That's a messed up thought, but I can't help it.
Miss you everyday. A little extra this week. 

Love you forever

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