Anonymous
There are lots of problem with which people are dealing all over the world.
We are men and we are meant to be strong⌠donât know where did this statement come from.
I lost my father in May 2020 and then had break up.
I feel like being heartsick and melancholy.
I think positive but still these events had an huge negative impact on my mind, soul and my personality.
11 Comments
Post anonymously?
Okay! First of all, Really sorry for your fatherâs loss and your break up. I hope things get better soon.
Second, Câmon we are living in 21st century, though there are some people who think like men are strong⌠they are not supposed to cry or be emotional but you need to understand that youâre a living being before a man and you have feelings, being sad or crying is a state of heart and mind, YOU CAN AND YOU MUST CRY IT OUT COMPLETELY, So that you do not need to take any extra burden on your heart and mind which youâre not supposed to. Already dealing with two losses in itself is a big burden especially when it comes to your father, then why not hug someone, open up and cry it out? Is there any fear of being judged? Or you do not trust those who are in your surrounding? Or are you need of some physical affection? You need to figure it out and let your emotions out instead of holding on to them.
Because man! Change is inevitable and we will have to deal with it, today or tomorrow we all are going to lose our parents. Today or tomorrow we or someone else will lose love of their life because itâs not always that we will get to marry those whom we love. There can be many problems in any relationship and itâs hard to get over them. Some takes a few weeks, some takes months or even years. And if you move on that doesnât mean you were never in love, you will find someone else⌠because thatâs what the rule of life is. Youâll find someone who is supposed to spent life with you and you never know if you will be able to love this girl more than who you broke up with. Wait for opportunity and be ready for the changes and let the past go. Donât hang on to your past because as long as youâre stuck on your past, you wonât be able to head on to future. You can not bring back either of the people you lost, so understand this was meant to happen and it did. So focus on what is right next to you and what you need to deal with now. Open your arms and welcome the opportunities you have on your way. Meanwhile find a friend who you can trust and is willing to be there on the path of your journey towards your goal. Hug them, listen to them, have fun with them, be with them, eat their head, call them in midnight and cry and tell them that you need them. Write them long paragraphs about feelings and your needs and everything you wish to and donât take burden of societyâs saying that men donât cry. Itâs a very natural phenomenon to cry and you must otherwise you might get a heartattack and I suppose your friends would hate themselves for letting this happen to you. So goodluck⌠go ahead and do whatever hell you want to⌠ITâS YOUR LIFE AND YOUâRE GOING TO DECIDE WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. Itâs completely fine whatever happened in your past and that does not define what kind of person youâre. You are what you will be deciding now. Let the world know that youâre sure as hell ready to face any situation which comes in your way and you may fall but you will rise again and jump like never before.
(2/2) Also you were talking about feeling lonely, thatâs maybe because the recent negative incidents you faced in your life and no matter how positive you try to think, there must be always a time of the day when you would be feeling lonely and all the negativity in your head and not feeling like talking to anyone. I suggest you to start writing, either in your journal or in your friendâs chat box, find a friend who can listen to you without judging you and I am sure they will listen to you. I suggest you to step out and indulge yourself in the activities which might help you in making your career or if you are already a professional, start taking classes through zoom or other platforms. If youâre a student start some courses, start reading books, involve yourself in conference calls from professionals, watch YouTube videos, help somebody, make someone smile, be creative, create something different. I know it will be hard to do all these things as you might feel lazy and maybe like⌠I donât wanna do it, I donât feel like doing it but at that same time, call your friend and discuss about what youâre thinking and then ask them some questions related to the subjects or discuss about current news⌠debate, this might help. Okay? I hope youâll do at least one of so many activities I suggested and try to change your life. And I will get back to this conversation if I come up with any new idea. Oh! Btw! If you need you can take professional therapistâs help as well. Donât go according to societyâs norms. Itâs okay to consult a therapist. If nothing works, this surely will. Also, one important thing, do not hide your feelings, do not supress them, right? There might be some people with whom you might open up and then they will just show sympathy and wonât actually listen to you, who you need is someone who can listen to you, to your past, to your memories with your dad, to your plans about future so find someone who is willing to. Donât waste your time on those people who have always been just showing sympathy and not actually doing anything about your feelings. Be safe and healthy, take care! I wish everything gets well soon in your life.
I want to cry but it doesnât happen,I have totally changed due to such events.
I want to share but donât know what stops me⌠may be it feels like I want sympathy from people for whatever happened in my life.
Thatâs what stops me at first place.
Haha⌠Time fliesâŚ
I used be a good artist few months back but now it seems I have lost everything or I am on urge of losing everything constantly.
Nothing makes me happy.
My happiness just passed away with my father. I needed my girl to be with me that time but she as well left. Everything burns inside of me⌠but whenever I smoke weed it gets calm.
One, Weed! I used to be an addict of something too and I can surely say that - Well it can be an escape for a little time but it canât give you the permanent solution for your problems and you need to find permanent solutions. For eg. Continuing with your art or doing something which will enhance your career basically you need to indulge yourself in other activities.
Two, is there anything wrong if you seek for sympathetic love from anyone from your friend list? Like if anyone would come to you and will ask you that hey! Could please be with me for some time, itâs really need of an hour⌠I need someone by my side, I need someone to listen to me? Is that wrong? Asking someone to stay with you is wrong, just because youâre a man? Ofcourse not! Let yourself do all these things. And note, by sympathetic love I donât mean showing sympathy a few times, the other person needs to understand your situation and be with you and for that you need to allow yourself to open upto them.
Third, An artist once will always be an artist. No matter what, whatever you used to do, Please continue with that, it might remind you of people from your past but again thatâs your talent and in the end itâs your career and talent which should matter for you and I am sure your father would have wanted you to be a successful artist. đ What kind of artist are you?
And would you like to share how you bonded with your father? Tell me more about your chemistry with him. Iâd like to know more.
I am a photographer and I write as well.
And I think my problem is that I canât share now⌠open up nhi ho pata ab.
This year is fucking nightmare for the whole world đ
I was very close with him⌠still hun⌠and har koi hota hi h apne parents se.
I canât describe the intimacy of relation in words.
Now heâs gone and I have to carry forward his legacy.
Wow! A photographer and a writer, why donât you combine both the things and come up with a new project? Iâm sure you must have thought about it but look it from a different angle and create something new. Yes, the year is nightmare for everyone but change your perspective and see it has given everyone the opportunity to do what they have always wanted to do but didnât got the time⌠and also to those who thought that I want an year break so that I can figure out what I need to do. Look it at from that side, see how things change⌠youâve got time to do things properly otherwise if it were 2019, probably youâd have been running here and there with no clarity, so make use of this year unless and until you come in contact of virus.
And just specified that you need to carry the legacy your dad left for you, so go on with it. Work 100 times harder, donât give any damn person to come and tell you that you cannot do it, because you CAN. You can do whatever the fuck you want, you got the power of pen and words and your vision, I suppose that must be beautiful. Combine them and create what everyone havenât seen because as much as I know everyone is trying to copy each others these days, you take out old memories, dig into history, put your love for your father in your art. Iâm sure that will take a hit because your father wouldnât have wanted you to sit and watch others grow and see you cry for someone who wonât matter in your life in next 10 years, he has left your mother for you, be with her, be the biggest proud she will carry on her shoulders. And maybe your father left you in the time of pandemic so that you can discover who youâre and work towards your goals and have enough of time to not to run. :)
Tell me more what you miss these days?
i am really sorry for your loss. even though I donât know you, I am sure you are strong and will gather up the courage to deal with this. that doesnât mean you donât have to feel sad. cry it out, talk it out.
Hey Love, sorry to hear about your Father and the break up you had to go through. More strength to you for trying your best to stay positive in these tough times. Your Dad is at peace my Love. Smile for himđ
I lost my dad in feburary. Ik its soooo hard. Grief is the worst thing to deal with