Home / Thoughts / So the ICU duty began taking a toll on my mental ...

So the ICU duty began taking a toll on my mental health so much that I practically have anxiety now. Everyday before my duty hours I start having anxiety and palpitations. And I feel really sad for no reason. I decided to seek professional help and I am on medications now.
Never thought I would need help but I am in this position now.
Icu just change you… everyone’s experience of icu could be different and frightening in it’s own way. For me it’s just the loud ventilator sounds and seeing patients in very critical situation.
Seeing a patient and knowing they won’t make it till next day… and then calling their families to tell the same
Not a single day passes that I don’t witness 2-4 deaths . Sometimes I get very numb at my duty I stop feeling stuff and my extremities turn cold.
In Kargil war when 600 something soldiers died
There were songs written memorials built and their families were supported.
900 doctors have died while doing covid duties but no one talks about them.
Sometimes I do wonder all this for what?
These people praising online will they even support our families if we aren’t there?
Yet we go back to our duties everyday.
I type this with 100 fever but I tested negative so I have to go back and work in the icu anyway.


Dear User, for your own safety, we urge you to NOT share any personal information [email, phone number, social media handles, address etc.] with other Now&Me users.

Post anonymously?

Thank you for your service doctor