The only friends I have I communicate with via text/video call (sometimes). I moved away from my home country and I’ve been here since 2017. I don’t think I’ve made any real effort to make friends. I’m very scared of being known yet I yearn for connection. I told myself I’d make an effort this semester at school and I don’t intend to go back on it. Sometimes the loneliness is just too much, though. I’m also afraid of being “too much” for people. Whenever I feel that I’ve gone too far it sends me into a downward spiral of dejection (which I am in right now). I think maybe I’d rather not be known than to have to dilute myself because that is not just another form of loneliness, it’s rejection too.
If all you’re interested in is having a few associates to chat with…that’s not a problem…but if you feel you cant be yourself then that’s where the problem is…if someone has a problem with the person you are then that tells you right then and there this isnt the person you want to have as a friend…to be a friend is someone who doesnt judge you…they get along with you and vice versa…an associate is just someone you can chat with here and there about general crap…just enough to fulfill your need to have company around or socialize with…but sooner or later you’ll come across someone whom youd click with as the friend.share your interests with…and of course a real bond with…but to try to force friends out of every smile you see will only become overwhelming to you,because you wont have those things in common and you might find yourself trying to please those around you only making yourself unhappy as usual…just take your time and relax with those you get along with for company and a friend will NATURALLY come along…you might end up finding that one of the associates is an actual friend…the only way to find that out is TO BE YOU.
Thank you. This really helped. I appreciate it so much.