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Now&Me @nowandme

Q&A (previously AMA) with Japnoor Garcha on December 24, 2020.

Meet Japnoor Garcha ⭐️
A 24-year-old psychologist and mental health advocate.

Her area of expertise is childhood mental health disorders such as ADHD, autism and everyday mental health problems in adults like anxiety, depression, procrastination, stress, well-being, exam and job stress and eating disorders.

This is a FREE & open discussion!

You can post your questions below by December 23, 2020 (Wednesday).

@japnoorpsychassist would be answering them right here on this thread on December 24, 2020 (Thursday).

Asking questions shows strength, not weakness.

🧡 Ask away and stay informed! 🧡

If you would like to speak to a professional privately, you can refer to the list of professionals mentioned here: https://nowandme.com/resources/experts

Share this with a friend who might need it!

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44 replies
@bharathkumar

I don’t know how to make friends. All the people I met don’t share their feelings or consider me as a person who likes to hangout with them. Please tell me how to make friends and make it a long lasting relation

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
We do not always instantly meet people who we click and connect with but some strategies can be employed in everyday life

1)Show up. Just as Woody Allen said that “Eighty percent of success is showing up,” a big part of friendship is showing up. Whenever you have the chance to see other people, take it. Go to the party. Stop by someone’s desk. Make the effort. I’m a big believer in the power of online tools like Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ to help sustain relationships, but nothing can replace a face-to-face meeting.

2)Form a group. If you can’t find an existing group to join, start a group based around something that interests you

3) Set a target. This strategy sounds very calculating, but it has really worked for me. When I enter a situation where I meet a new set of people, I set myself the goal of making three new friends. This seems artificial, but somehow, this shift makes me behave differently, it makes me more open to people, it prompts me to make the effort to say more than a perfunctory hello.

Do try these and if you require further help please feel free to get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook - @psychassist57

@lasya123

Can you help with depresssion, self harm, stress and self esteem issues. I am teen who is facing them in this lockdown

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
I am here to help you.
in order for me to advice you more I do require to know more of what you are experiencing and facing. Please get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook- @psychassist57

dhvani @dhvanee

What am I supposed to choose between my emotions and my responsibilities? I, as a child, have many commitments to others, but in order to accomplish what others want, do I have to give up my wish of pursuit of what I want? Am I supposed to keep promises, even if it causes pain to me or someone else? The thing is that these questions have buried me down to a situation where I wanna cry, but I have to hide my tears.

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
We often face difficult choices in life and they do take a toll on us. You have to be aware of one thing that no matter what never have to give up on what you want or wish or need.
If something is in any way painful to you, it is okay for you to stop. You are the captain of your own life, of course sometimes as children we tend to have a lot of people to answer to but that also means you have a lot of people to share your struggles with and take advice from.

You do not have to hide your tears, there is nothing wrong in crying, sometimes crying is a great release of all the pent up emotions and the best form of catharsis.

If you still require help you can get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook - @psychassist57

dhvani @dhvanee

Thank you so much @japnoorpsychassist. Now I know that my opinions matter as much as my commitments. I’m really thankful for this help.

@saloni04

So lovely…

@loudthoughts

Is there a thing called over-sensitivity? What are the symptoms of it? Can it lead to mood disorder or depression? If so how do you detect and when to seek help?

Also I would like to know how to confront parents when considering to go for counselling/therapy

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
So some people do tend to be over thinkers or over emotional or over sensitive and they take things too seriously or straight to the heart and this may lead to experiencing problems emotionally, mentally or in interpersonal relationships.

It may or may not lead to depression, the manifestation entirely depends on your past, your present environment , and your personality. The best way to find out is to schedule an appointment with a psychologist.

As far as parents are concerned just try to talk them honestly that you wish to get some analysis done and so would like to visit a counsellor, if they are on edge try to explain to them the pros of visiting a counsellor and how it is beneficial for your overall functioning.

If you still need further help please feel free to get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook - @psychassist57

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Nikita Singh @nikita22

What is that we as kids need to change in our behaviour patterns to keep intact our own mental health from the childhood days?

Are anxiety and stress just adult symptoms

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello Nikita , Please know that anxiety and stress are not just adult symptoms they evolve over time but definitely even kids and teenagers experience it.

You just have to understand and know for yourself what your healthy habits are what keeps you going , helps you destress and maintain that zen in you - it can be a simple habit of meditating, deep breathing, dancing, singing - any activity that grounds you and keeps you connected to reality and to yourself.

That said you should also know as we grow we experience different situations and our reactions , emotions and thought processes vary so the stress and anxiety you experience is going to keep changing as will your triggers. Being grounded and connected to a social unit like family and friends also helps.

If there is anything else please get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook @psychassist57

@vipul

I want to talk to you

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello
please get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook - @psychassist57

@xyzrddyee

My bf had an online affair like he was sexting with a girl and I found out and he was sorry abt that and I forgave him now I have trust issues and also our relationship was long distance he is sorry for what he did and want to get back but I’m not sure what to do

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
It is important to understand that Your lack of trust is held in place by fear of being betrayed, humiliated, taken advantage of or otherwise manipulated all over again. The perceived risk may be overwhelming.

Seeing trust issues, not as a self-protective, but as self-sabotaging is one way to motivate yourself to work through them.

Be open to taking a loved and closed confidants opinion-If red flags pop up, ask those who want the best for you and will give honest answers whether you’re overreacting.

Learn to Voice your feelings, concerns, and questions-accurately conveying that you’ve been hurt, whether by them or anyone else, and providing context as to why that is. Being able to get over trust issues starts with a tough and ongoing dialogue—not by trying to move forward by burying your feelings. Whether it’s cheating or otherwise, building trust requires that your partner hears where you’re coming from and the ways in which you have been hurt.”

Constantly work on your self esteem also as this does benefit, apart from this know that rebuilding trust is not a time bound concept.

While sitting alone you can make a list of all the positive qualities in your partner and read them whenever you feel the mistrust is creeping in.

Hope this Helps, if you need more help please feel free to get in touch with me on Instagram OR Facebook- @psychassist57

@vada1

Hi im 28yrs old doing my final yr pg…i think im frozed feel like staying still…im stressed still im no doing anything…im having xams tomorrow but im not studying for the past 1 week…i feel like give up everything. Most of the tine i sit still without any thoughts then i start to cry…idk what my problem is. I knw i hav 2 study but i cant or won’t dunno which. Its not this all believe im worthless and good for nothing and I’m prooving the same…
wonder why im alive i feel like shutting myself down. I really need help…I’m loosing myself. I always run frm stress i cant hold it anymore

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
I am so sorry that you are experiencing difficulties, sometimes you tend to suffer from burnout due to over exertion or we give up because of the stress of the forceable future.

I would suggest a visit to a psychologist apart from that a few strategies for you to employ in your everyday life.
1)Practice Deep breathing- Take a deep breath in hold it for a few seconds then exhale and repeat this process for 5- minutes
2)Try grounding or relaxation wherein you connect with yourself and reality.
3)divide your work- Instead of constantly studying for 7-8 hours divide your work or studies into 20 minute sessions.

Hope this helps, if you require further help please feel free to get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook- @psychassist57

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Turtle @turtle09

Hi! I would like to share a story and write my questions below . I graduated this year and with all the time I had in this lockdown period I started researching about Zerowaste and going ecofriendly. I got overwhelmed to learn about the plastic pollution and started noticing plastics everywhere in any room and I used to get really stressed looking at the amount of plastics in the supermarket.It felt suffocating. And then I realised one day that there are pros as well to the plastics and that it’s literally inevitable to stop the plastics we use rather we could use the cycle of Reduce -reuse-recycle. So somehow now all that suffocation and overwhelmingness diminished .

-Can it be related to the psychological well being ? We might somehow get overwhelmed when we start noticing harmful things and later on when we figure out a way atleast to subside it could we somehow feel less stressed ?

-And why is there a sudden acknowledgment of mental health in the recent past and why did lack in the times of a few decades ?

- How to deal with the generation gap?

Thank you 😊

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
First of all kudos to you for being so present and motivated.
moving on to answer your questions we all have survival instincts and things that are not conducive or are in any way harmful that does make our survival instincts come into play and affect our overall well being. Of course once we do notice the positives or the correct way to deal with it, our sense of security is reinforced.

So answering your second question- Social media and smartphones have increased the knowledge sharing platforms which in turn has led to a substantial increase in people becoming aware of what all happens and the research today has widened. This has increased the acknowledgement.

The basic approach is to focus on similarities and not the differences between the various generations.Communication is the key in bridging workplace age gap. Things like team-building exercises, employee social and technical events all help in bridging generation gap.

Creating a strong mentoring platform for everyone and encouraging cross-generational mentoring or reverse mentoring opportunities should be encouraged. Mentoring enables individuals to meet, gain direction and also learn from experiences of other individuals.

I do hope I answered your questions, if you do want further help you can get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook - @psychassist57

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Amrinderpreet @youareimportant

Asking it on behalf of someone,
How to help a child who has behavior problems (It’s been diagnosed and the child is on medication). Covid had made it worse as the interaction with other people is very limited.
What are some of the ways that can be practiced by parents and household people to help the child so that his behavior (Anger) is controlled?

@japnoorpsychassist

Strategies that are fun and can be effectively used are :-

Anger thermometers are tools that help kids recognise the signs that their anger is rising. Draw a large thermometer on a piece of paper. Start at the bottom with a 0 and fill in the numbers up until 10, which should land at the top of the thermometer. At a time when your child is not feeling upset or angry, talk about what happens in their body at each number on the thermometer. Your child might say they are smiling when they’re at a level 0 but have a mad face when they reach level 5. They might feel their face get hot when they are at 2 and they might make fists with their hands when they are at 7. By the time they get to 10, they may feel like an angry monster.

Using the thermometer helps kids learn to recognise anger when it’s happening. Eventually, they can make the connection that when their anger temperature starts to rise, taking a break can help them cool it down

Teach children what to do when they begin to feel angry. Rather than throw blocks when they’re frustrated, for example, they might go to their room or a designated “calming corner.”

Encourage them to colour, read a book, or engage in another calming activity until they feel better. You might even create a calm-down kit. This could include your child’s favourite colouring books and some crayons, a fun book to read, stickers, a favourite toy, or lotion that smells good.

When they’re upset, you can say, “Go get your calm-down kit.” This encourages your child to take responsibility for calming themselves down.

Another thing that you can try is time out - whenever your child is getting out of control or acting out, put them in a room without a tv, tablet or cell phone with the lights off. If they are 5 years old you can only put them in the room for 5 minutes. Tell them you will let them come out when they are sorry for their behaviour.

These techniques should be consistently applied for 15 days.

If you need further help please feel free to get in touch on Instagram or Facebook- @psychassist57

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Amrinderpreet @youareimportant

Thank you so much Japnoor:)
Will for sure try these things out and get in touch with you for further help!

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
Covid definitely has impacted everyone’s lives and changed things.
As parents or caregivers it is important to communicate effectively with the child and also understand the child’s struggles and problems.

Try scheduling online sessions with the child’s psychologist.
Apart from that verbally acknowledge your child’s efforts and use positive body language for approving positive behaviour.
Being at home can be a blessing as you can become more aware of your child’s triggers and understand him or her in various situations.

I will be continuing with in detailed response in the next comment.

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KG @khushiiii

I recently moved to New city, made new friends there but few of them act like frenemies , I tried to ignore them but it didn’t work sometimes it’s even hard to tolerate…
Kindly tell me some ways to avoid them.🙏

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello Khushi!
See we do meet people in life with whom we do not always gel or agree on or who do not always have our best interests at heart.
Try being as positive as possible- Even if the person you’re having difficulty with is aggravating you on purpose, getting angry about it will probably just make you look bad. So try and give them the benefit of the doubt.

If someone is rubbing you the wrong way, recognise those feelings and then let them go without engaging with the person. Sometimes just smiling and nodding will do the trick.

Establish boundaries with those people, it is upto you to decide when and how much you interact with them. If you see them everyday or live with them just talk to them for a few minutes or simply talk about work and do not divulge too much about yourself or your life.

You can restrict them or block them from viewing your stories on social media.

You’re perfectly within your rights to establish boundaries and decide when you interact with someone. If you feel yourself getting worked up, take a time-out and get some breathing space.

I hope this helps, if you still wish to discuss things further you can get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook - @psychassist57

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KG @khushiiii

Thank you so much mam, really I will try to be cheerful as well remain positive whatever the situation will be, sure dii if it disturbs me further I will definitely contact you for wise words thank you Dr. take care ^_^

@workinprogress

Hi,
My mind keep getting and feeling stuck every where…like suppose I am sitting on my bed I just keep removing the folds in the sheet even after they are gone I am not able to take my hand off from there…unless in a kind of rhythmic way in my mind…and many things like that like I keep trying to set things in a straight way then keep setting them keep touching them…the more the objects around me the more I am troubled…i am really going mad…losing so much focus, concentration and time…and because of this thing can’t do any work fast I keep getting stuck in one work…I was unable to feel good unless I could click a picture the way I wanted…and so on… All this was less before it slowly getting bad and don’t know kind of unable to take of my hand unless in a kind of rhythm…inside my mind…i am ready scared before also I went through something like this with another thing and I don’t want that also to get affected again…and also…i losing so much time and focus…😫
Also while writing I feel stuck on how a letter is written and get stuck for few minutes over writing it…
…i am not able to lift things with confidence and trying avoid once I set them…because again I might lose time setting it…lose focus and it happens so 😭
What should I do to overcome this I really really need to
Please help me…also is this ocd or perfectionism kind of thing…and what exactly is perfectionism…
And my family isn’t able to have patience they keep telling me to stop don’t do it…with patience and after that literally leave me or scold me badly…i know they can’t be around me all the time helping me as well… I don’t even know how to explain to them kind of…because they look such trivial things
What can I do…

@workinprogress

I want to feel a free my mind literally it’s been really long !!!😭

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
It sure must be difficult going through all of this.

1)Try being Mindful - Mindfulness emphasises being less “invested” in our thoughts. Accepting that we have less control than we think over our thoughts can be very helpful in reducing the distress that often accompanies intrusive thoughts. You can do 10 minutes of mindfulness meditation everyday to help with this process.

2) Relaxation techniques- Whenever you feel the need to constantly correct/perfect something or feel you are dwelling on something try deep breathing, meditation or relaxation techniques.

3)Try and see what triggers this, does this happen constantly, does it only happen in particular situations? Once you have identified the triggers you will be better able to deal with it.

I would ask you to see a psychologist and if you need any further help or clarity please feel free to get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook - @psychassist57

@workinprogress

Thank you 🥺❤

@ijustneedhelpdude

1. how do you get over someone you can’t have?
2. how do you stop yourself from toxic coping mechanisms?
3. how can you forgive someone who did the left you when you needed them
4. how do you get over the fact you may never know the truth about what happened to you?
5. how do you know which is the right option for you in a life changing situation?

sorry for all the questions!

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
Most often we do choose coping mechanisms that are not conducive Confrontation can be scary, and the fear of being misunderstood or dealing with more stressful situations can be discouraging. But it can also be the best way to deal with what is bothering you in the long run.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, you can write them down, recognise these feelings, or actively voice them. This way, they will not be just stuck in the back of your head for the whole day, week, or month.

You can start by asking yourself simple questions such as: “How am I feeling right now? Why did I feel this way? Are these feelings related to something I should understand?”

Write down everything that comes to your mind at the moment to help you observe and identify what you are feeling, why, and how to manage it.

Over time we do undergo experiences and situations that impact us but we never truly understand or know the entire situation, it is very important to be bale to move on in life and make peace with situations. The best way to do this is to note down the positive learning experience you had and then whatever you still need or want to question just write it on a piece of paper and burn it with the intention of forgetting it.

So we can never know if the choices we are making are absolutely right or wrong, let yourself be guided by your morals in life and make choices that are conducive to your overall well being and happiness because just as a coin has 2 sides all choices have pros and cons and we can never know which path is the correct path.

I hope this helps, if you still have questions you can get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook - @psychassist57

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Ana Banach @johnthejohn

What do you do when you want to come out as lesbian to your family, but you’re scared?

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
so first of all ask yourself if you are sure and want to take this step, if you are then know that it is not important to tell everyone together or in one day, you can take your time. Try zeroing in on one family member who understands you the most or who you are the closest to.

Choose the way you would like to come out in, there is no need to do it formally if you are not comfortable. You can come out during a casual conversation or event.

If you are not sure how they will react, its better to start a conversation about LGBTQ or take them to an event to see how they react.

Hope this helps, if there is anything more you would like to ask me you can get in touch on Instagram or Facebook @psychassist57

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Ana Banach @johnthejohn

Thank you. It worked well.

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@nityaa13

How can self doubt and low confidence in yourself can be removed if it is becoming an obstacle in your preparation of giving competitives for your job and have an assurance that the decision we made for our life is correct and we can achieve it?

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello Nitya!
Hope you are doing well. Please know that self doubt and self confidence issues arise because of a variety of reasons. It is very important to introspect and try to pin point the exact or similar situation that has resulted in these issues.

A few strategies you can employ are:-
1)Deep breathing- Sit and take a deep breath in , hold it for a few seconds and exhale, repeat this for 5-7 minutes. Specially do it when you experience issues while studying.
2)Try making lists of all your strengths, keep this list handy and read it whenever you have doubts.
3)Introspection- At the end of each week sit and ask yourself, what has made you feel negative or which particular situation has brought on these feelings for you.

If there is still something you would like my help with or would like me to answer please feel free to get in touch with me on Instagram or Facebook - @psychassist57

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@nityaa13

Thank you…this might help me ahead 😊

@gaadha

I keep having suicidal thought and i cant cope with my family…i dont even know how to come out as bisexual

@japnoorpsychassist

Hello!
If you have suicidal thoughts I would request you to call on this number 9152987821.
Apart from this i can imagine that dealing and coping with one’s family can get mentally and emotionally taxing sometimes.
Just know we choose our own battles if you think coming out to them and dealing with them are too much for you then choose one and first resolve that.

I would urge you to seek a therapist or psychologist as any advice pertaining to suicidal thoughts or coping with family requires a more in depth understanding of what all has been going on with you. If you would like me to guide you to the right therapist or professional, please feel free to get in touch with me anytime on Instagram or Facebook @psychassist57

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Riva @rivadhingra

Hello, everyone!
Thank you so much for asking your questions.
Our deepest apologies for you not having received your answers yet. Due to some issue, there has been a delay in the Q&A.
The questions should be answered latest by tomorrow. Thank you for patiently waiting and being so wonderful! 🤗✨

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