Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

No matter how hard I try to move on, to work on my education to live a future, in the end I always end up thinking the same thing

For three years I’ve been adjusting to a life in my home country (where I was born but wasn’t raised) but I’ve always had something to hate here, it’s no longer as colourful and happy as in my childhood when I’d travel for holidays.

For 11 years I had been raised in UK and my whole childhood and memories come from there. I was under stress after a year in high school, I would have done anything to escape so when my parents suggested we move back to our home country, I said yes because I was so tired. But I thought I was ready to move on, but even after months of knowing that I was moving, it didn’t come to me that I didn’t feel ready. Only now do I regret it. After three years do I regret not thinking on whether I was actually ready for such a change and leave my life behind as a 12 year old. I wasn’t ready to take it in and now Its been three years and it doesn’t get better.

I don’t want to go back, it is too late to continue my education there or the fact I don’t want to move back into the stress but the only thing that would make me happy is being able to go back and relive my memories and say goodbye properly :( but I don’t think there’s a way for that anymore.

Now I am finishing school and have exams before choosing a higher school and career direction. I’m not ready for that either but I can’t keep up with anything anymore. I’m not motivated to do anythinbg because I don’t feel like I’ll be happy here and there’s no point.

The memories and my childhood is all that I can think about, I’m drowning in it.