Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Just want to bring out my feelings as I am feeling so much dead inside. Was in this relationship for like 8 years, we met when i was in college doing my graduation, she was in a different college doing her graduation. For 4 years we were nearby we used to meet almost every other day was in love with her, was so much into her that no other girl mattered for me, coz oviously she was the one. Then for job i shifted to a different city, but she was continuing with her graduation. Then started our LDR, but that did not bring down our love for each other(or this was what i thought), she then shifted to her home with her parents after graduation, so it was kind of difficult to meet her 😅. But I used to make up plans so that we could meet. I used to go to the place where she would give her exams, would wait outside to meet her for like 5 mins before her father picked her up. Would go to her coaching classes and do classes with her so that i could spend time with her. Would try all possible ways so that i could spend time with her coz she was special, she was the one, right?😅…now the pandemic started and for the first time in all these years i was about to be close to her in like 4 yrs of LDR, i was excited to come back, she got her postgraduation and i was like now atleast she will have her own place and we could stay together whenever we want…yaay.
But i think she had other plans or who knows i might be the damn loser😅. She would not talk much now, whenever i used to call she was either busy or would be too tired to talk, maybe because of her postgraduation duty she was tired. This went on for few months after she joined her pg, and i would be like she is busy i guess. At some point i really felt like does she really do not have so much time that we barely talk these days. In 8 yrs, its been never like this. So i confronted her one day, was like is there anyone in your life, she was like no, after i confronted her multiple times she confessed and said that there was this guy who she really liked and was kind of falling in love with, but she assured that it was one sided,only from her side. She was like he has a girlfriend and there is nothing between them. So, i went into a deep trauma, felt like will i lose her? i then started requesting her, begging her to be precise, please do not spend time with that guy, I will do anything just be with me, we had been together for so many year, so many memories were there, so many planning we had for our future, so i kept on begging for 2 -3 weeks, in not to spend time with that guy(coz she was not talking to me properly, we would barely talk). Was begging and requesting her to meet me, was crying, was broken, was kind of dead from inside. I was asking her for dates so that she could tell me when she has time, when she is free and i would come. I was literally crying every day. I clearly remember the day 16 Nov,2020. I asked her that i would come, please meet me. But she asked me to come the next day. So i went, i waited outside her duty place to pick her up, i was crying, stummering, was really a miserable person at that point, but she did not cared about me, even after looking at my face she dint feel a little thing, but that’s ok, i was like, just please stop spending time with that guy and i will make everything right, would make her love me again just wanted her time. So i was in her town for 2-3 days i guess,was begging her every day, was so determined that i would even leave my job to be with her. But on the 3rd day i guess i was just checking her bank statement dont know why i did that but was going through her statements (8 yrs relationship right, i used to handle all her accounts, not because i wanted to but because she asked me to handle them) i saw a transaction on 16th Nov,2020(remember the date?😅), The transaction was made for an Oyo room, me being so naive, i was like no no its not for her, may b she othered food from there etc etc(so fucking dumb i was), i was dumbstrck for sometime but was like no she is not like that she will not do any such thing blah blah blah… That day i was to meet her in the evening as i was to leave for my hometown the next day. In the evening i met her, my heart beat was fast i was already half dead after i saw that transaction, i stopped my car and asked her about that, and she started crying and told what that transaction was for, i was dead right at that moment, i was completely devastated destroyed, deep down i knew this but was in denial, then she told me she had been cheating on me with that guy for quite sometime now, she was sleeping with him for a long time now, told me about the dinner dates that the guy asked her, told me about the convincing that he made that he will leave his girlfriend, the reason for which she was ready to leave me, the 16th Nov incident, that guy got released from covid care center as he was covid positive and after he got released instead of calling his gf he called her and asked for a lunch date and ultimately asked her to spent the night with him, told that he used to lie about his whereabouts to his gf…16th Nov, that day i was crying, begging her, I was literally at my lowest bottom, after all this she went with that guy to a hotel(she told that she was in love with him as that guy kind of promised to be with her and would leave his gf ultimately, but irony is that he was only faking it, all men are not dog but this guy was for sure 😅). The next day i left dead inside, and after few days i came to know that they had been staying in different hotels for quite sometime now, they did it in his car wherever they could they did everything. I was devastated destroyed and dead for few months. Now i think i am healing, but m i, i left her, now we are not together, but coz of that 8yrs i still have a soft corner for her, i still think of her. She has been constantly trying to come back to my life since that day. Shes been constantly trying to conatct me. To be honest i met her few times last year, thinking i could forgive her as I thought she was the one,but it seems i was not able to forgive them for what they did to me, tried dating few girls but she was always there in my mind, so never succeed in any of those dates😅. The guy with whom she cheated, he is not with her now, he went back to is girlfriend on whom he was cheating, they are together now. But i really curse that guy from the core of my heart, that he will never live a happy life, after destroying someone so badly. Its 2022 now but i m still not able to heal myself. So here, this is my story, from your annonymous friend, writing this as i dont feel like sharing these things with anyone. And also i think writing here will also help me hate her a little more and help me move on. And this also helped me reduce my stress😅😅 Adios!!