Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I’ve been talking to this guy who’s 25 years older than me we’ve been talking for about 2 years although we were never in a serious relationship just casual hook-ups here and there we told each other I love you and I felt myself really falling for this guy despite the age difference. Early this month told him I wanted a kid with him and he was completely down so we got together around my ovulation dates we had intercourse twice during my ovulation and after the second time he vanished nothing knowing what was going on I blew up his phone thinking I’ve done something wrong told him how I wanted to be with him but he completely ignored my messages and then one day out the blue he text me and said he didn’t see my messages my being so stupidly in love with this guy and not knowing if I’m pregnant by him or not I believed him but he vanished again leaving me lost and even more hurt then I already was but I then figured there was nothing I could do he will eventually text me back and I was right he text me back and told me he has a girlfriend now keep in mind that I am a tough ass female and usually never put my whole heart into things but I thought talking to somebody older you wouldn’t have to experience the same hurt when talking to somebody around the same age as you but that’s what I get for thinking huh? This is the same reason I distance myself from love and caring for people it really messes with your mental especially when your heart is invoke because can’t nothing heal a broken heart but time and this is just all to recent I’m here sitting in bed nothing knowing if I’m pregnant by a man who has a girlfriend now like why agree to have a baby with someone just to up and get a girl out the blue. I’m so alone right now it doesn’t make since I can’t let anyone else get close to me because I have an even bigger fear of letting people in again then I did before if I am pregnant part of me wants to have an abortion but i know the child would be innocent in all of this and it’s just my feelings getting in the way but then again I live with my mother and im helping her rise my niece and nephew and she very judge mental and if I am pregnant by a man who’s 25 years older then me and isn’t of the same race as I am I would never here it down my whole family would judge me. I’m so lost right now depression is taking over I don’t know what to do with my life I feel so utterly worthless I’m in desperate need of saving.