I'm in love with a fairytale, even though it hurts.
Coz I don't care if I lose my mind, I'm already cursed 💔

Kisi ko history psnd hai?

3am Thoughts

Ok so I'm a dropper I hv just just finished some of my exams and some more in April May June so it's like I'm so much stressed bss ab nhi hora ek toh I'm the elder one I have one bro nd sis jinke new session start ho gye ab unka v meko hi dekhna padta hai and mom is like u are elder one and I don't know why ab mera ghar p rhne k mann nhi krra Mere ko mere room sa bad vibes aane lagi hai depressed sa lagta hai mann karta ki bahar ghum aau par mai dost k saath bahar koi jaane nhi dega aur mom dad k paas time nhi hai mere sa kuchh v manage nhi hora I know I'm the elder one toh meko hi apne Bhai bhen ki responsibility lene padegi par mujhse nhi hora kuchh v nhi hora Mai kuchhh v handle ni kar paa rhi hu . And idky bss ab Mann nhi karta kuchhh karne ka and just wnt to get free from everything


Stress

Anonymous is like..you can't speak in front..so you are anonymous.

I've a guy in my life who forcefully come into my life. I never wanted him into my life at the first place and I'd told him alot of times. He's being so toxic to me for like no reason. He's behaving like I'm like a property for him. Whenever we get into a fight he stopped talking to me and after a week he comes to me and talk like nothing happened doesn't even feel sorry about it. And if I complain he put all blame on me and make me feel guilty. I agree that he helped me at first but now he is using it as an excuse like he always count it on every problem that he helped me but I never asked him to help me. He was interfering my life too much at that. He made my life too much tough at that time. I don't how to leave him. Sometimes I don't want to leave him because somehow I'm attached to him and another time I just want to day away from him

I actually have a normal life. I can even say that I am previleged in the sense that I am well provided, I have great friends, I have an awesome family and I could do the things I want to do with the full support of the people who love me, except for one thing ---- to be who I really am...to be gay, out and proud. Nobody knows I am gay but me. I hope one day, in this lifetime, I will have that enough courage to express my truest self to the world, without any worries and anxiety. 

Life

Why the hell i am made like this ? Why i don't like drinking alcohol ? Why i don't like smoking? Why i feel uncomfortable and feels suffocated among those who drink and smoke ? Why i feel suffocation from smell of alcohol and smoke ? Why i feel like running out of there and no dude i literally tried to change myself and i literally tried to feel comfortable but no i end up feeling angry, suffocated and most importantly uncomfortable. I have social anxiety too and i am introvert so going among these kind of people literally drains my energy. I really someday wish that out of anger or frustration i drink and drive a car and meet with an accident and die i have literally imagined a lot about myself like this. My bf drinks but i tried to get acustomed among thpse who drink and smoke but i really end up crying and feeling frustrated and it's not about one time it has happened a lot of times. 

Ps : I am suffering from severe stage depression from 15 years and high functioning anxiety disorder and ocd too. 

Alcohol

Yep I liked my best friend and he likes someone else I knew it all along and now I feel like a crap for falling for him when i KNOW my feelings won't be returned. WHY WHY WHY 

Crush

I am gonna be 24 in few days and I am anxious. I haven't done anything in life till now. I dont look good , I still dont have a job ,no friends or significant other, nothing. I look back and there is just shitty past, nothing good. I hustle everyday but I haven't achieved anything.
Its like I have been robbed of happiness my entire life. I want time to stop. I want to live all those moments that I haven't. I feel like a failure. I dont want to be an adult so soon , I dont even look like one. I dont want to be alone.

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