I have been through a very nasty break up right before this pandemic. The man whom I loved the most turned out to be a complete liar. Lied about marital status, kid and other affairs. But I loved him so much that even after all that brutal cheating I still find it hard to move on. And still feel the urge to go back if possible. But with my conscious mind I want to move on completely. How do I do that? Why is it so hard to move on even after knowing I am loosing nothing good here.
Simran @st1199
Hello!
The feeling of loving someone completely and trusting that person doesn’t let our emotions for him go away so easily. Even if I know that everything is over, there is a part of me where I wish everything get’s back to normal, right?
People do take advantage of you till the time they are getting everything they want because they are selfish. If they had care about the your intention, had they done this? Nope. This is the difference between being selfish and caring about the other person’s feelings.
What you should learn from this is, Never trust or love someone completely. Always and always have a thing that is everythig right? Are we both honest with each other? Does he/she trusts me completely and want me in their life? Knowing everything about the person and their family makes you feel secure because then it shows that the person wants you to know everything about them, wheather it’s the past or his future plans and shares little things with you and asks for help.
EXPERIENCES make you learn everything. We fall but this makes us rise again and for the better. The person who atleast tries to rise WINS and those who give up and sit back LOOSE.
Thank you for your reply.
The thing is I started loving him madly before I got to know about his marital status that he was hiding from me. And when I found out about it he started making stories about how ugly his marriage is and he wants to be with me. In fact he emotionally blackmailed me whenever I wanted to break up. Kept on promising marrying me after taking a divorce. So I never really felt like extra or so called “mistress”. But then I found out about his other affairs and the fact that he has been lying about taking a divorce too! In between he physically abused me, blackmailed me, made me go through abortions etc etc etc. But I failed to realise these all were just toxic behaviour, not love. That was my stupidity. Or sometimes I wonder if I was just afraid to let go of the person whom I loved the most, so I kept on overlooking the abuses and cheating. I kept on forgiving him until I found out he was still cheating.But till date if he talks to me sweetly for 5 mins, I just melt off. I feel so angry at times. I sometimes curse him and wish him dead, but when he is talking nicely to me I feel like I will again take him back if he wants to. I know and I understand clearly that I shouldn’t be thinking like this. I deserve better. But last 2 yrs have been hell to me, I have hampered my career, health and mental stability, so now I don’t understand if it’s just the addiction that’s not letting me forget him or just that fact that I feel like a looser to waste my time and energy for nothing?
I feel so confused about my emotions. I so badly want to move on, but I am making no progress it seems. Though that obsession and anger seems to be under control. But I feel so upset thinking he has taken away my dream, one pregnancy with all the false promises and yet he is living his life happily. Why does he not feel any remorse or sadness?
Simran @st1199
I appreciate that you are trying to be open and telling me about how you are feeling.
Thankyou for trusting me! 💜
My close friend had a breakup last year. Her relation lasted for a year and it ended because of misunderstanding’s and not be able to give time for each other. She was completely drained out. I mean she literally cried every day, her eyes swallowed and had anxiety problems. Because she loved her boyfriend so much.
But you know what made her moving through? Her friends who supported her at every stage, her will to move on and try everyday to get over. It took time but she did it. We felt happy when she was back to normal. I almost cried seeing her happy again. The guy in her case was sorry when he realized what he did and till date wants her back.
But we can’t give chances again and again if they are not able to value us in the time being, right?
The day you can talk to him like nothing happened or without being effected by his name and existence, that’s when you actually Move On.
I am sure this example will help you, motivate you and give you a direction to take steps and try because there is no other option left. If you go back you will face the same consequences and maybe this time not be able to handle even a bit of it. In case of “cheating” there is no second chance for me. If he had any shame he woudn’t have done this in the first place, with so many affairs you can’t really regret, you just want physical pleasures and to be with new women.
Unfortunately I don’t have friends as such. That’s the hardest part. Plus this pandemic situation has restricted movement. So altogether I am feeling so frustrated. That guy doesn’t deserve any chance. He has a son and he made me abort without any regret and sadness. In fact he was busy dating or sleeping with other women while I was dealing with all by myself. Tell me how can even think of accepting this person back, yet at some part in my heart I still want him. To be honest I feel like a looser for the fact that I have given so much and sacrificed so much for him and he didn’t even care to give me a cent percent of the love/respect/honesty that I deserved. Now he wants to be a good father by giving his son time. Tell me why did he then promise me marriage and children and made me go through the abortion saying “we will have some day”. Why did he didn’t let me go when I wanted to.
Tell me is cursing bad? Because I really wish him all the sadness that he has caused to me and so many other girls out there.
I don’t know why still I expect for his calls/messages/good words…
Simran @st1199
You learn from your experiences, right?. You are disturbed and feeling bad for everything but you now can only move ahead and learn from your mistakes. If you still wish to be with him after all this, you would be stupid and he will take all the advantage of it.
We tend to use harsh words and want bad for them, but then what is the difference between him and you? You still need to not say nice but don’t wish bad for him. He will get his part of karma. As it is said “What goes around comes around” and he will get that too.
Just focus on yourself now and in future have a vision rather than going with the flow. 😊
Yes! It’s a big lesson. Probably the wound is deep. And the feeling of being a looser is the main problem. That I failed to judge a person enough, or because probably my love wasn’t enough. I don’t know what exactly I feel. But certainly that’s not a good feeling.
This person has wished me dead after I got diagnosed with brain tumor couple of months back you know. He mocks me for my health condition. Tell me if he can stoop to that level then why do I need to be nice to him!
Isn’t tit for tat a real thing? I know whatever you are suggesting is the right thing to do, but it’s so hard to just let go this.
Simran @st1199
Oh there is tit for tat. That’s why i said Karma will happen. Whatever he has done to you will come back to him. It’s not easy after seeing all the suffering he has done to you and you had wished best for him.
You are not a loser. You kept faith in him and loved him but he didn’t. But you now know the reality and work towards it.
Hey, sorry to hear this. But just want to tell you that he wasnt the right guy for u. If he was then he wouldn’t have left and it will workout with the right guy. Allow yourself to feel bad because somebody who was a big part of your life just left and that feels bad and we have the habit to talk to that person so we feel like going back to them. But dont. You will make through this. Invest in making yourself feel good and take one day at a time.
Thank you for your support! I really appreciate it.
I guess the main problem is this pandemic, where our lives have become so sedentary. And the fact is that I barely have any friends.
I can understand
I wish for better friends many times.
There’s no way around it: The end of a relationship is the worst. It’s hard, it’s emotionally draining, it’s stressful and, well, it’s heartbreaking.
- Firstly, don’t play the blame game :Remember, there are two people in most relationships, and thus, two perspectives, two parties who made mistakes, two humans who didn’t match well enough to make it last. As tempting as it is to blame yourself (or your ex), these are not healthy ways to cope with a breakup.
- Second, switch up your routine and environment : This doesn’t mean packing up everything you own and moving across the country. To change everything he loved and do something different .
- Third, don’t stay connected online or offline : You can’t move on while following your ex’s every post on Facebook. You also can’t watch their Instagram stories and not feel a tug at your heart strings. One basic rule of a breakup is to disconnect on all social media platforms. Though it will be the hardest thing you’ll do, she also suggests removing their phone number so you aren’t tempted to text when you’re tipsy or in a particularly low moment. “The more distance you can create between you and your ex, the quicker you will be on your road to recovery.”
- Lastly, ask for help : Just because you’re freshly single doesn’t mean you’re alone.The time to reach out to your closest friends and most supportive family members. When they offer to come over with a bottle of something strong and something delicious, let them. When they beg you to come out to a dance party on a Friday night, go. And when they don’t mind hearing you vent for a few hours, thank them after.
Hope this helps!!!
He cheated on me. I found out that he is married with a kid and 3 others affairs after 1 yr of relationship. Tell me how do I not blame him and hate him? He made me go through abortions by myself while he was busy with other girls and family. I got to know all this thing later.
