Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I feel really helpless. These past two weeks, I’ve been having a depressive episode. Usually they don’t last longer than a few days, but I feel like I’m getting worse day by day. The things that used to make me happy, the things that I used to do are not giving me joy or helping me feel better. I keep getting into arguments with my family and I feel like I’m hurting everyone around me. I am failing horribly in school because I sleep through days. I feel so tired, so exhausted. I have tension headaches, so thoes aren’t helping at all. Especially since they usually last a long time (2 days at most). I hate social interactions, now. I never used to, I’m a pretty social person, but now, having conversations is exhausting. I want to be left alone, but my family doesn’t seem to understand. And the ironic thing is, I feel so lonely. I’m talking to thin air as if someone was actually with me. I’m making scenarios, pretending I’m happy and with people I love. It’s gotten so bad that I’m paranoid I’m in one of my scenarios and in reality, I’m in public, doing something embarrassing. To make those thoughts pass, I pinch myself to reassure myself I’m awake. And it’s causing me to bleed and scar. And even dreaming doesn’t make me feel that way. I usually fall asleep at 6 pm cause I’m so tired. Then I wake up at 2 am. Then from then on, I can’t sleep and I end up staying up most of the day, napping on and off. I don’t know what to do to make me feel better. I’m also paranoid about something else. I’m really close with my dad, and I don’t know why, but I keep thinking that if something happens to him, I’ll have no choice but to kill myself if I lose him. He’s by far the only person keeping me going. I can’t even go to people and talk to them cause I feel like a bother. And my best friend isn’t doing anything to help me. I’m so lost and confused, I don’t know what to do.