I feel like if I wanna stay happy and at peace I will have to choose to be weak who isn't confrontational even if something affects me or hurts me I just have to shut up about it 
Or I can choose to fight back which will include in a lot of sacrifices and am not sure if I will be happy in the end but I will be stronger 
I am currently on the first path but I think of the second one everyday , should I risk it? What if I never feel happy again? 
Is being right better than being happy? Or vise versa? Am too scared to go to the second because of how happy I am on the first path right now but in the long run it's gonna take me nowhere and I will always be a failure 
What should I do?

Hey i sent you a request. If ur still here shall we talk 

Always fight for yourself. Happiness is a consequence of the right action. If u r right u will be happy. No one deserves to live acc to others. Live in terms of your rules. Risk it. Be at peace atleast happy with yourself

Confusion

Sick

Sick
I feeling very sick. I have this severe headache and no one has checked on me. Nobody cares about me. I feel so alone in this world. Maybe if I die from this headache everything will be fine. I just want to die.

Welcome to the real world It sucks and you're gonna love it.

Please reply if you get this reference ;) 

Life

Do people read this? I am not a bad guy.. I don’t have attitude. I am humble and soft spoken. Is that an intimidating quality?

Delusion

i wish someone actually cared. i wish i had that dream boyfriend who sends goodmorning and goodnight texts. i wish i had that boyfriend that checks up on you, checks if you ate and actually cares. it's so rare to find one of these, i guess i'll never get one.

Boyfriend

So here is the thing. I have PTSD. People who know me know this but they don't understand it or how it effects me or just have damn horrible it is. I don;t remember the majority of 2 whole years. Because something happened and I can't fucking remember what. It scares the shit out of me, it literally keeps me awake at night, it's why I stay up so late, hoping that one night I will just fall asleep without thinking of them or of what happened or without remembering. The last 2 night I had remembered things that i forgot about that were actually really important to me. This girl that i used to love; her mother was abusive, so was her dad and her mum's boyfriend abused her too so she moved in with her dad. She tried to kill herself by the time she was 10. I know this because when she was 10 and I was 12 we compared methods of suicide. Luckily both failed. But I had forgotten that. Last night when I was trying to sleep I remembered that she had a bunk bed that time i went to her house, that she had a sister who was 19 and had moved out that she could run or get her mum's boyfriend to leave because of the bunk bed. I remember I was terrified of her dad. It's been 4 years since I last saw her. I'm scared to contact but I feel like I need to for my path to recovery but I don't want to ruin hers for my own. I don't know what to do but her name will always mean something different to me. Aside from that I remembered that I made shitty diary from the year I forgot. I think i only wrote maybe a month but hopefully it'll say what I need. I don't know if i'll like what I read or if it'll give me answers but I hope it will. I can't stand to keep revisiting things my mind has only half remembered every time I close my eyes to sleep. 

I read it. It only answered a few questions but left more. I wish I hadn't read it. I remember how I felt and I wish that beast stayed in the dark. 

Please someone let me know that I'm not crazy. that it gets better. because I'm scared

Depression

akhir2 ini suka ngerasa useless (yg kayaknya awal mulanya perasaannya muncul karena gada jobdesc di kantor). sampe akhirnya ngerasa useless dlm segala aspek dan ngerasa kosong banget. kayak, nggak ada tujuan, nggak tau ini lg nyari & ngejar apa. sampe ngaruh ke hubungan sm org2 terdekat jg, ngerasa cm jadi benalu dan gak bener2 'ngehidupin' hubungan. pokoknya capeeekkk :(

Work

In the middle of the preparation for CAT. I feel so anxious and scared about achieving the target I set for myself. Wondering if even I can achieve it. Not asking anything just ranting out how I feel bcz I don’t think no one around me are going to take this seriously.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts