I am too coward to take my own life because of so much responsibilities and dependency and I am not able to live like this. 

Suicidal Ideation

I am feeling very demotivated and depressed with my life I am so fed up of each and everything  I just had a breakup after five and half years, my environment at home is super toxic I am not even getting placed.How to get through so many things at a time 

Anxiety

I am feeling awful right now. Why am I like this I don't have any idea. I just want to be normal. I don't know why I feel stressed out whenever I talk to someone. Its driving me crazy. I feel like I am lonely.  Moreover I don't know why nothing makes me happy. Everything feels  tasteless. I am tired. the most weirdest part is I sleep too much more like 10to 12 hours per day and whenever I try to eat I feel like vomiting. I feel sad all day without any reason. Everyday is like a torture to me. Is there anyone who can help me with this?? I really really want to be a normal person


Mental Health

I am writing this since nobody knows me here anyways. 

I have so much work to do but I can't find the urge to do it right now. 
I just want to watch movies and series as of the moment. I want to be isolated. I want to be on my own. I don't want anybody to bother me. 

Last month, it was good. I was very productive and organized. 
This month is a total wreck. My bag got stolen. My phone, wallet, ID's,  atm card. All of it. Gone. During the incident, I feel worried and shitty and I blame myself for losing the bag. A week after that, I tried to shrug it off and move on. I don't want to mourn and keep on being sad about it. And until now, I am having a hard time to get back on my feet and go back to my usual self.

I want to be strong. No one else can do that for me. 

I know that those are just material things. But watching the things you really worked hard for to banish just like that... is a whole new different kind of pain. 

I want to be honest with myself. I feel really sad and mad about it. Yet, I don't want people to shoe me weak and pitiful. 

But no matter how hard I try to hide it... I pity myself either.

Depression

I have become problematic. I am not myself anymore. I am becoming more and more self-loathing and negative. I am becoming a depressed, lonely, and hateful person every day. My toxic traits are: 
My unhealthy relationship with food. I am an emotional eater.
I am insecure about my looks, especially about my smile. I seek validation from others.
I give and use silent treatments as a way of punishing people.
I want others to feel the same pain that I went through. I like to punish people when they do wrong generally as well as with me.
I enjoy being alone in my room. Binge-watching Netflix, checking messages from social media all the time. 
I procrastinate a lot and I am lazy.
I want things to be perfect and according to my plan, I have a sort of OCD.
I don't enjoy working. Although being an excellent student in my school and college days, I am jobless now. I only like eating, sleeping, and watching movies.
I dream big but I don't make it happen.
I act like a victim and think I deserve punishment. I keep my hair short, my nails short and don't apply any makeup on my face, I am always wearing loose pyjamas even when going out.
I have an unhealthy relationship with my family. I don't like my family. My parents used to discriminate between me and my siblings. I was abandoned and made to feel worthless by my parents. We are not in touch now. They have done quite a lot of terrible things to me and I want to punish them myself. I feel like it will give me satisfaction and peace.
I don't like seeing other people enjoying their life. I become jealous of what they have.
I want everyone to like me so I tend to do things to make them like me. Also, I act distant and aloof but Inside I am needy and desperate for love.
I love a person but he does not appreciate me or understand me anymore. He liked an older better version of me. So we fight a lot and I want to keep him in my life but I don't have anything to give to him. I want him to be there for me but he is not capable of handling me or my emotions. He leaves me saying I am too much.
I overthink and overstress myself all the time. I overthink everything. With each and every word people say and even words left unsaid, I overthink them too. I make fake scenarios and indulge in them. I want the life they show in movies, perfect family and love life, but I have neither. 
I don't have one person I can count on. I feel pathetic and sad all the time. 
If you are reading this, please help me. Tell me what Can I do and change my life. I don't want to live like this. 




hi to whoever reads this post.

I want to start off by addressing I've been exhausted mentally.
There's so much going on in my mind and I've been trying counselling sessions for quite some time now. Yes, it helps at the time but I tend to keep spiralling back to my anxious thoughts.

Managing uni, friends on top of a massive mountain of low-self esteem that makes it difficult to get a job, make new friends, find a SO, indulge in my goals.

I want to sleep all-day.

I've been wanting to better myself for so long and I feel like im at the same spot. Is it worth it? trying or not, the negative thoughts doesn't seem to stop.

Not sure what else to say, thanks for reading :)

Yes I'm 19 now and no I'm not lucky, i am unlucky yes most of people say I'm lucky and everytime they just see I have advantage in my life ,
Yes i have advantage but still I'm not lucky or anything
People of my age are in 2nd year of clg rn 
But you know I'm facing the problems more than them 
Ssly I'm mentally not ok 
Always overthinking about future and myself how I'm gonna make it 
Everyday i think should i quit and at same time i say no 
I have to surpass my limits if i want to be that future person i need to work now
Sometimes I'm ok with rain sometimes i just hate rain so much
I'm not connected with my friends now days 😅
Ig they are going through same situation maybe 
Idk what is this feeling, like sometimes i really like who i am and sometimes i  just hate being myself




Life

This is my sea

Hi everyone, I m not good , I try so hard I make my mind every night before sleeping that I will do better tommorow but next morning I feel helpless useless I don't feel like doing anything, I m so sensitive and emotional I keep on crying, I have no money, no career , no parental support , no companion and on top of that I am seeing number 13 which is my birthdate everywhere all the time from past 1 month , I have no clue what's going on with my life , there's much more.. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts