Female Psychology: "He is such a mystery. He has chapters that he has locked away from the world, where he suffered in silence. I hate that I love that he is strong enough to bear it and not seek emotional support from me."

Your opinions and your psychology works not the same girl. And I am sure your not aware enough of it. Well NVM. 

Books

Today is awful day, 
I felt too much anxiety. I am scared of them sm but a they think is that I hate them. I don't want I eat food because I am not hungry. So everyone ordering food but not me is fine. And them saying "u hate us but we love u" thats its a no no like why?!?! What did I do

Social Anxiety

I want to fall in love with a girl who wears punny t-shirts and converse sneakers. A girl who brushes her hair behind her ears and laughs at stupid jokes and hugs me while I make breakfast for her. And no matter what I make, she always says it's her favorite. A girl who tells me she likes the dress I'm wearing and compliments my hair in a way that makes me really believe her. 
If a girl like that ever laughed and said "you're so cool" to me, I think my heart would melt and I'd crumble to dust. I just want to have a romantic side plot and fall in love! Is that so much to ask?

Relationships

Beautiful hearts are hard to find, and to reward them when we do find them, we convince ourselves that they're too good for us. What a reward. Instead of holding onto them, we pull ourselves away. We push them away. We forget that the beauty of their hearts comes from their ability to love and from their willingness to liberate those whose hearts have caged themselves in the past...

Mental Wellbeing

Since childhood, I faced sexual abuse, ragging in school, physical and verbal abuse etc, I was trying to understand all this and to solve the conflicts in my mind but before I can do that my Grandfather died. At that time he was the only one who used to listen to me, understand me, he was the bestest friend one can have, and I was so young(in 2nd std) to even properly get the idea that he is gone forever and all those feelings of harrassment and abuses got permanently fixed inside me, but just after his death I was beaten with shoes and belts by my uncle as he wants to satisfy his anger and even my parents used to be there and all this used to happen before them which kept going on for quite a long time and because of all this I developed a fear which gets triggered everytime I feels like someone or something is opposing me and because of that fear I became so aggressive that I became the biggest reason for my parents to get hurt. I was the biggest reason of fights in our home and even after knowing all the things I couldn't solve all this as I felt like completely out of my control. Memories of my grandfather along with all other bad memories of abuses kept making me more and more miserable, time passed by and saveral years later I met a girl with whom I fell in love and I felt like I should do all I can to make myself a better person for her to love and as our relationship kept going I fixed all my habits of over aggressiveness, lack of ambition, unfocused, miserable person. I was so much in love with her that I had even decided till the last moments of my life that she will be by my side as we have made the most beautiful and complete love story of all time. I was in college for my engineering degree when a financial crisis occurred and I had to drop out of the college which was a crucial step on the path of my ambition and it gave me a deep cut inside as I cannot think about any other career for me and I loved so much what I was pursuing and just after 3 months of dropping out of the college, Girl I loved more than anything else left me after 8 years of relationship and when she left I spent  the initial few months trying to help myself out of it, I used to say to myself that I am powerful enough to handle all these and kept going. Which is going to be my biggest mistake as I thought that I was solving all the conflicts where as I was just suppressing it inside and it was teasing me each and every day. It's been 3 years since we broke up and from that point till now I have changed the most. Mood swings are so rapid that I am completely unpredictable even for next minute. Sleeping, eating, working patterns all are disturbed, while going through all of these things final incident blew the hardest right inside my mind as 4 months ago my Grandmother died, 
After losing everything she was the only hope I had and now as she is gone I forgot how to cry, how to express, the only thing I always have on my face is smile, which had become the biggest burden as I want to cry out loud to empty myself out of all the heaviness. I used to had a lot of ambitions but now I just want a peaceful mind free of all the conflicts always taking place inside.

Loss

*overthinking*
so me and  my boyfriend we have been together for 1 and half year. i am his first gf meanwhile he is my 5th boyfriend and i got cheated on in my first relationship and after that i didnt have real relationship even tho my current bf is loyal and havent done anything to make me not trust him its still hard for me to trust i feel he might talk someone on whatsapp or call or even meet idk i feel like he is going to cheat on me so i verthink a lot he reassures me but my overthinking is ruining our relationshi idk i am always worrying whats on his phone and just help me out idk wanna be like this

Hey everyone, 
Just been overthinking for a while now. I haven't been in a relationship since 4 years, that was a bad breakup. And it isn't that people haven't flirted with me or I haven't flirted back but I couldn't just get the vibe to be in a relationship. 
Maybe I have become over critical but I want to love, I want to feel loved again but I don't know how and with whom. I am not hating being single but I am tired, tired because I have no one to talk to when I really want to open my heart out to them, because every one leaves sooner or later. Maybe the problem lies within me. 
If you're reading till here, thankyou
I just wanted to vent everything,  couldn't even form a sequence but yes...

3am Thoughts

Hey, I really don’t know how to open up but lately I’ve been very distant from everyone my school friends and everyone and the worst part is I’m numb about it I don’t feel sad about it I don’t feel happy about it for obvious reasons but it’s just a big blank idk if it’s just a phase or what but i want to feel things again 

Lonely

Good night my online friends, this is the best platform ever. Much love to all you strangers who i don't know and probably will never be able to know. It kind of makes me sad. Bye. sweet dreams.

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