Feeling low due to lockdown, do not have anyone to talk to. Been alone all my life... never spoke to anyone in person and it has been a while that I spoke to someone. I don't understand what to do at times..

Hey sumank its ok to feel low sometimes but then its even greater a feeling when u talk to someone.
Ofcourse its easy to say but much difficult for us who are shy and conservative
But still try this and u will feel better!

Anyways wanna be frmd


Depression

Any cross dresser form Gujarat?

Coming Out

Where did we all go wrong? 

3am Thoughts

So good


Celebration

How to deal with anger from irritating relatives . I just spoke back to an annoying relative who started commenting on my hair and asking me to shave my head. I told her that it would be better if she does it 

Anger Issues

You will never be good enough for the wrong person.

Acquaintance

** Is there anyone out there who gets so engrossed in a movie or web series that you feel it is the reality? **

Well, I am one of them who gets lost in the world of movies or web series and I can bet that all those people who feel equally, are the ones, who try to find the same world that they want at some point of time. They might be the most empathetic persons too because they are trying to put themselves in that character's shoes and imagining them to be the one getting hurt or being loved. 
Yesterday, I finished the Four More Shots Please (Season 2) in Amazon Prime Video and by now you might have already judged me that how can I watch such a horrible web series but believe me or not, when the whole world is criticizing it, maybe am the only one who loved it whole heartedly and cried after finishing it. The first reason for liking such a show is because I always imagined myself to be one of those girls who would be well accomplished by age of 25 and will have the ability to be independent both emotionally and financially in life. The second reason is to have just 2-3 friends who means a life to me, as that show portrayed. I never had dreams of being a world famous person but I just wanted few friends and some money with which I can buy a small house which will be decorated with my own creativity. Since my childhood, I had even planned my whole day schedule when I get a job and travel to different places every weekend.
So coming back to the point, all of these were shown in that series. The character with whom I could relate the most was that of Damini Rizwi Roy (Sayani Gupta), starting from her OCD to her being a Bengali, I am exact copy of that character. Actually now when I introspect am actually a combination of all four of them. I am ambitious and an OCD freak like Damini, have been body-shamed a lot like Siddhi but also a fitness freak like Umang and very argumentative and a badass like Anjana. Yup, I know it might be very confusing right, so does everyone says and that's why I am here to find atleast one person who can see the kid in me and just love me as a friend more than anything else(Don't mistaken me being desperate for a boyfriend but more than that I would prefer a friend at first). Okay I have this bad habit of getting distracted while writing so please bear with me.
The series surround these four lives and how they overcome their problems in every phase of life. The most amazing part of this was all the decisions that they took for every problem was exactly what I would have done if given me that problem. (Okay spoilers ahead!! Though I know no one might have watched but still..) Let me give you few examples to connect with me more. Umang and her girlfriend Samara decided to get married and as Samara is a top class actor, her life was like a reality show where for everything there will be a shoot or an interview but Umang was lot more like me, very introvert and a person who doesn't like such fancy stuff. So what Umang does is she drops the wedding even though she loved her a lot and even I would have done or I have done the same thing too with my previous relationship (It's another story, might write later).She just wanted a simple wedding and some time to show her love. I could feel that pain when they were portraying it. I mean I don't know how much am able to explain you all but my heart tore apart seeing her plight. It is the most difficult thing a person has to go through when she has to leave a person because she feels that she is going to lose herself if she spends a day more with that guy. I have been through such relationship where I loved the guy whole heartedly and even he did but I felt that I am losing myself day by day and at the end I had to leave but obviously there were more reasons too.  
But the only difference between I and Umang is I feel I am alone struggling in my life. I just feel there is no one with whom I can share the way those four girls used to share at the TRUCK BAR. Well if you ask why couldn't I make friends so my answer would be I always felt I am not a part of this generation at all. Nowadays, the ones in early 20's would like to go clubbing and discussing about some film actors or binge watch Netflix and YouTube as their pastime, but I don't enjoy any of them. The jokes at which everyone laughs I don't find it funny, the one in which I laugh they don't find it funny. People tend to use me more than making me as a friend. I just wish even I had friends like that series. So what is the solution if I don't have friends? I binge watch such web series which is about friends. I make those virtual characters as my friends and, believe me, I feel lot better after watching an episode because I feel as if I am inside that laptop screen drinking and eating with them. But yesterday I felt sad finishing that series because I felt I have lost my friends again. Yes it's a psychological issue I feel because once a web series gets over, I cry for a week or so because I feel all those friends are gone and have left me, despite knowing that they are virtual characters. So what I do is I try finding another web series related to friends and relationships and I make them as my new friends. Honestly speaking this time I don't want to find a new web series. I want some real friends of my own. Just because I am a single child and have been brought up in a violent environment due to my parents fighting all the time(again another story to be written later), it doesn't mean I can stay alone like this. I always make myself busy in either studies or learning some software languages or doing some fitness stuff or making hand made cards or decorating my room or simply dancing with music on and sometimes singing so that I don't feel this loneliness. I stress myself with so many works/hobbies that I don't even get the idea that I don't have anyone. But till what time a person can satisfy herself by bluffing. Even I have some expectations from my life as I told earlier, even I want to hold someone's hand and walk in the beach or just listen to the favourite songs together or dancing all night long. Am I so bad that no one feels that I can be a good friend. Yes, now I sound desperate but I don't know what to do. One day I might become financially independent but will that make me happy, I don't think so because at the end when I come home I expect a person(please guys, I don't want relationship but just a friend and it can be a boy or girl) to just ask if am Ok. Now the biggest shock I am going to give is I have a boyfriend, yes, you heard it right and that's a story of its own. I guess the worst punishment a person can give is to feel lonely even when you are in a relationship. This is my first blog or article sharing my thoughts so if I get good response of this discussion I might write more. Hope I can get some help here.

Lonely

Will days get good!?
Because It's always a casual day and ntg special and happy 

These days one thing i hate is when people ask me 'How are u?'
I know it is not a strange thing to ask somebody out of love. Recently when i met some of my friends the very first thing they asked was this same question. I know its a way of greeting people and its how they tell they care for u. But i was fed up with that question. I couldn't anymore lie to that question that I'M FINE. I felt like that i was doing wrong to myself. I had enough and i couldn't put a mask anymore. Out of frustration, i said to one of my friend who repeated the same question to not ask that me anymore. I knw that was kind of rude to say but i couldn't take it anymore. I also don't find it easy for me to burden them with my worries. I'm kind of comfortable to keep those things within myself.  But i don't know what to say to people who ask me this who are just showing their love. I somehow feel guilty.



Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts