Now&Me @nowandme
Ask Me Anything with Arouba Kabir on July 26, 2020
@aroubakabir has worked in the field of mental wellness for the last seven years with an expertise in Transpersonal Therapy, Inner child work, Subconscious mind, Expressive Art therapy & Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and has provided consultations to thousands of individuals spanning patients of chronic illness, students, couples, children, corporates-with the simple aim of holistic rehabilitation and curating unique experiences for my clients.
Feel free to take her opinion and advice on mental well-being and wellness owing to the pandemic that has been bothering you. It is an open discussion!
You can post your questions below by July 25, 2020 (Saturday)
@aroubakabir will be answering them right here on this thread on July 26, 2020 (Sunday)
Asking questions shows strength, not weakness.
š§” Ask away and stay informed! š§”
Hi I am a 23 year old girl and I am feeling really sad and canāt stop crying, I have been crying the whole night and still the tears keep rolling. I broke up my 7-year relationship as it was getting toxic or maybe it was already very toxic and I realized that now. I loved him and maybe I still do but I know he isnāt right for me, I am trying to move on but failing miserably. After my brake up I started talking to one of my Male friend and we really connected and talked about all my feelings and breakup and we even sexted. We both talked to eachother all day everyday since we both were stuck in lockdown and sometimes I used to feel that I was cheating on my boyfriend with him but than I realized I am avoiding the pain by talking to him and shutting my feelings somewhere deep down inside me and I know itās not good for me and I started keeping distance from him and today he(the friend I have been talking to) was sad and I was trying to cheer him up and was talking about missing peopl and I said stop missing and start living and he said that āmaybe you can forget people easily but I cannotā and it hurts me after that I didnāt said anything and left the chat. Since then every feeling I was burying inside me is coming back I ended up reading my chats with my boyfriend (ex), it was mostly fighting in that chat it was right before we broke up and I donāt know why I am missing him a lot and even thought of calling him but I didnāt because I know I would regret it later. I donāt have anyone to talk to about my feelings and I donāt know what to do? My life is a complete mess right now, no job because of covid and no friends to talk to as I was too busy with my ex boyfriend and didnāt made any friends and I canāt share my feelings with my family as they donāt know about my boyfriend. I just need somebody to talk to about what all I am feeling please someone help me.
i really want to help you but i donāt know what to say you just keep calm and busy yourself in other things like drawing painting music crafting time is medicine of all pain when right time comes you have a all solution just donāt hate you self
Dear XYZ,
First of all, let me say I am proud of you for taking the stand for yourself and getting out of the relationship which wasnāt respectful. You went for a rebound relationship, which is not healthy post your break up. We need to grieve the one we once loved and are no more in our lives. You should spend time with yourself right now until you understand your real calling. There is n number of online programs and freelancing jobs available. Physical exercise is a must as it helps you let go of toxins and releases Feel Good hormones which will help you with good mood and good sleep. And if itās still difficult you can talk to a therapist online and I am sure that will help. Take a hobby online and connect with people on friendly basis and not for a relationship. I hope this helps you.
Best Wishes
Arouba
Thank you Aroubaā¤
Hi. Iām new to this but think itās worth a try. I need some advice on how to get myself motivated to get up every day and go to work. I just started a new job (one month ) and I just called in three days in a row as sick. I wasnāt feeling great but was well enough to go to work. At my last job I would make up insane excuses like that I was in a car accident. Am I just a compulsive liar?
No youāre not liar. you just donāt love your job. if you really love your new job then you donāt need motivation to go work. and you need motivation then find in your self . just take a breath and ask your self what you want to do and then that answer become your motivation like if you want to be a businessman then for business you need a money where it comes it comes from this job so you work hard to make more money for your business focus on things which you like in your job and become in expart this way you like your job and job like you
Okay. So first of all ask yourself what is it you are escaping from? Whatās giving you this instability and where does this come from? Sometimes we donāt value things and do not work hard for them and sometimes we feel we are not worth it and we donāt work hard for them but sometimes we are too blessed to have everything that we know if we donāt do anything we will not die of hunger but sometimes we have a childhood conditioning that lets us be the person who we are. Limiting beliefs.
You should try physical workout- even if ten mins
Meditation
But I sense a lot of suppressed issues and would recommend to seek help from a professional via therapy.
Best wishes
Arouba
This period of my life just made me realise that I am not meant to be happy, I just feel like a machine, doing all the orders, even if I would rize my voice no one can hear me, everybody knows what I want, and pretends not to, they already created my path, towards the futur, they have never been asked to do so, but since they put the plan, no body can change it.
They lie, that is all they do, they are giving me a false hope, telling me I can do this and that, but actually all I can do is following rules, that is how my life was being created. Selfishness and peopleās opinion are the things which controll me, it is not even me, at some point I just realised this fact. I am not living my life, I am not the only owner of it, my life is not valuable.
They are trying to convince me with some bullshit saying that I am the responsible of my life, in fact they are just bluffing, they are already forcing me to do something I donāt wanna do. I hate living like this, I hate my life, I hate my existance, I hate myself and everything surrounding meā¦ I wanna kill myself. Make an end for this whole shit.
Why canāt I do the things I wanna do ? Why canāt I be happy ? Why should I even live if I am not doing the things that I donāt wanna do ?
āPeople would say heās daughter is a doctorā āthey would say his children went to study in Franceā ā they would say he is a successful man after having those childrenā
I said for like a million time that I donāt care what people would say, I donāt wanna go to France I have my own dreams, canāt you just let me do what I want ? Canāt you just give me a chance to prove you who I am ? All I want is one chance, first and final, to do what I wanted to do, to decide my own future, to dig my own way. I am sick of you being my programmer, I really canāt stand it anymore.
Hi there I know it is difficult situation but ending your life isnāt the solution my love. Trust me I have gone through this feelings and I can understand your pain. Give yourself a break if possible try to communicate your feelings with these people tell them how miserable you are feeling right now and share your dreams with them tell them what are your goals in life, what are your desires and ambitions and tell them how happy you would feel doing all that and I am sure they will understand and if they donāt just try to stay alone in another city be Independent work for yourself and follow your dreams and passion. More power to you my love. I know you are very strong and you will soon be happy. Everything will be okay just be patient and try to meditate, take deep breaths and relax yourself my love.
I am really sorry that you feel this way. I can imagine and you have every right to stand up for yourself.
First of all, what do you want to do? What are the resources you would need? how long is it going to take? Prepare your homework.
And then the advice would be: Take one elderly person in confidence and express yourself clearly. Ask for the time and resources you need and do.
Sometimes we give the reigns of our lives to others because we are not confident of ourselves. So itās very important to have clarity on your end and that how you can communicate it well. So get your plan ready and then stand up for it. Maybe right now they arenāt seeing anything from your end and you are just giving them ideas which they do not understand. when you will be certain, you will stand up.
To build confidence:
Physical workout
Meditation
Reading
working on yourself is important.
Best wishes
Arouba
Daksh Mahajan @dakshmahaja...
Hi Arouba,
They say itās extremely important to flush out your feelings or thoughts about personal tragedies of life.
Do you also believe the same or do you think one can also move past it by keeping the matter to oneās self?
Hello,
Yes absolutely. Itās very important to let go off the feelings we feel after a loss. It helps you with the healing process. Awareness, Acceptance, and Action is the key. And acceptance comes when we talk about them, talk about the times and pain. It helps.
Best wishes,
Arouba
I am 20 year old. Madam, I donāt what happens sometimes I feel like very excited and sometimes very low,sad . There will be a rush of thoughts into my mind and I couldnāt control it. I lack cognitive skills . When I used to laugh at a very little things people used to just mock at me . And sometimes I canāt control my behavior in public places like unnecessary laughing, cry out of control. I couldnāt stick on with one decision at a time . I feel that I am around the people who are not like me and who always disagree and oppose me. Unknowingly I fell in love with a stranger who is 10 yrs ahead of me .Later I broke up with him and this all made me a different girl from the people around me . Itās hard to face the world inside and outside of me.I am not a person who knows herself better and I want to overcome challenges of my mind and feelings I am going through. It took lot of effort to express this . Hope I could get the answer and guidance
Hello there,
Thank you so much for sharing it with me and all of us. I know life is hard. And if we donāt have accepting and supporting people around us, that makes it more difficult.
But as I can see here, you sound you trust yourself no matter what. Trust your abilities. Read about your condition and read about the people who have lived with it successfully and how did they help themselves.
Practice daily meditation
Write down your feelings
Read loudly
Talk to your friends about your condition
And I am here to help more if you need that. You can follow me on my Instagram page as I keep doing lives where I talk about how to build inner strengths.
Best wishes
Arouba
Thanks auroba ā¦
madam, as you said get to know more about my condition but I donāt know what my condition called asā¦Could you help me out in which category these kind of things happen
Hi Arouba, so let me start by saying that i am a teenager. i donāt have any friends who i can go out with or who i can share my secrets with. but itās been like that for so long that im used to loneliness. im not even close to my parents. i always consider them bias towards me and i dont like that they treat each other comfortably but leave me out as a third party. the problem is that my loneliness and anxiety and anger problems have grown a lot within the past few months and i have decided that its time to reach out for proper psychological help. now when i tried putting it past my parents, they said it was something only inside my brain and its all because ive been at home for a long time. but its about me and i know better. its really time that i need to be aware of all the mental changes happening to me and know if they are good or bad. so i will do it without anybodyās help, not even my parents help. therefore, can you please suggest some free online psychological help that i can trust ? also can you please suggest some ways of putting it in front of my parents that it is urgent because they always keep making an excuse of the quarantine and delay my problems. I would love any other suggestions if you have for me.
Thank you:)
Hello there,
I can understand what you must be going through. Try to talk to them calmly and say even if its quarantine, you are not able to take it. So you need help. Maybe take one parent in confidence first. That should help.
And I am really glad to read this that you are seeking out for help and you are trying to help yourself in the best possible way.
Meanwhile, you can try doing exercises at home, writing journal, meditating, and if you have any hobbies- dive in. But what is it that you donāt have any friends? Maybe now you need to get out of the comfort zone and make some friends because after all, we are all human beings and social animals.
For the free line, you know its a tricky situation. The mind is magical and I donāt know anyone in person who does it: So wouldnāt like to recommend. You can google and find that out.
Best wishes
Arouba
Thank you for this i will try this out:)
Hi, I am a 22 year old and am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have problem in expressing myself to people around me and i usually split a lot and due to that I vent out my anger for a particular person to another person, just venting, not getting my anger out on another person. But the problem it creates is, because of my venting, I make a bad impression of the person Iām venting about to the person Iām venting. And this happens a lot.It is hard for me to stick to one psychologist and sometimes I feel like I donāt need to go to one, Although I know I have to. I had had CBT before but I it didnāt help me improve my splitting, dissociation and self-image. What should I do?
Maybe you havenāt found the right therapist. Secondly, are you on any medication, and along with that are you doing the things your therapist might have asked you. Like Exercises, meditation, journaling, painting.
Drawing takes out a lot of anger- you should give that a try. It has to be wholesome therapy and not just counseling. Wonāt help.
Anger management and where and whom to speak has to be managed. But you can do that when you are feeling alright inside, I mean calm. Please try the above do let me know if it helps.
Best wishes
Arouba
Thank you, Iāll follow your advice
Hey I am in a relationship since last 2.5 yrs but now i feel it as a burden, i donāt feel things the same way now. Now I am confused as to what I should do because I feel I am doing wrong. My partner is very much dependent on me. He is coming to the city to study where I study just for me.He says heāll stay as a bachelor if I donāt marry him. I am really confused. What should I do ? Suggest me please.
Well looks like you are worried about someone elseās life. But I can imagine how does it feel to feel responsible for someone else.
You should talk to him nicely and tell him you want him to come to the city because he wants to do it for himself. If a person is not emotionally independent, they will always feel like a burden.
You need to clarify things before he moves into the city and that will give some peace to your mind. Tell him what you feel and what you want.
One should always do things because they want to not because they have to.
Express it.
Best wishes
Arouba
Even if I start a conversation regarding these things heās not ready to accept it, he says he needs time and heāll make everything fine. But I donāt feel the same way like before. I just want to independent regarding anything in life. Earlier i used to prioritise hime more than anything in life but now i have started prioritising myself (earlier no matter how sleepy i am i used to talk to him but now if m sleepy I prefer to sleep rather than to talk to him) I feel like i have many other important and good things that i need to do and achieve instead of staying in a relationship. I fight with these thoughts but m not able to cope up.
What shall I do?
Please help
You should then have clarity in your mind and stand for yourself and communicate. Because in the beginning of the relationship we give time but as we grow, we realize there are other things. So you should make up your mind and express your concerns and if he doesnāt accept it, which means he doesnāt respect your views. Relationship prospers when we respect, accept, and value each others viewpoints and ourselves.
Best wishes
Arouba
Thankyou so muchh š
Iāll surely keep my views in front of him .
I am really anxious because I saw someone who is close to me looking at a naked person online and I donāt know who to talk to
Okay. I know itās difficult to face such situations but we need to understand that people in our lives- family friends- they all have another side as well which is very personal to them. Just as long as they are not indulging you in that or troubling you in any way, I think you should just accept the fact that itās their personal life, and thatās okay.
But If you can talk it out to that person and express your feelings, that would be great but if not then just have self-talk, tell yourself its none of your business.
Best wishes
Arouba
Hi. I have a fear of fungus. Every time i see Mold On food, I get chills and really scared. I canāt help it, anytime I accidentally touch it I scream or cry. And seeing it sometimes make me wanna throw up. I think theirs something wrong with me. My moms a chef and she needs help around the kitchen so anytime I come across Mold on food. I make a sour face and my mom gets mad and thinks I overreact. But I canāt help it i always get goose bumps. :/
I understand. Maybe you should talk to a therapist as the fungus is very common and you will keep seeing it everywhere and that might affect your personal and professional relationships as well. It might sound simple but sometimes itās not. So explore it with a therapist in personal sessions and get over it.
Best wishes
Arouba
