What's something about this lockdown you're tired of? 
I'm tired of the history repeating itself

I'm tired of chatting online and meeting online.

Tired of people still not taking this seriously and mocking those who are actually careful and doing whatever they can to protect themselves and their family. Being careless is NOT COOL. 

Life

When our people not with us then  what we accept from strangers🙃

What should I do if my parents don't want to get me diagnosed with a mental disorder? I was struggling for year and I thought a psychiatrist would help me to feel better. But my parents say that I'm fine and can manage so there's nothing wrong with me and there is no reason to spend money on nothing.

I have a crush on someone on instagram since 1year and can't confess my feelings to him .And I feel so alone sometimes and get depressed .

Crush

I sometimes feel very happy n i smile n laugh all day long ....but there times where i feel lonely and depressed. I really feel like i hve no one to talk to 

Confusion

I am stuck with a question.. How do we forgive ourselves for our own mistakes.. ? We make mistakes and we loose someone.. we are not getting that someone back but we are stuck in that guilt for the same.. how do we face this and forgive ourselves and move ahead..

Love

By the way, i m still wearing the smile u gave me...

Har waqt ladai i donot why?

Breakup

Everything hurts; I’m always hurting. Sometimes I think to myself, is this all worth it? Would dying end this pain I’m constantly in? I second guess everything I do is my own choices or my epilepsy medication talking. Sometimes I cry, and it never ends, and I feel that’s all I’m worth nothing. Why would anyone want to be friends with me? I can’t keep this up for much longer; I feel I’m constantly being ripped apart inside with every word or action I do. Why keep living? What is my purpose? My goals? I just don’t want to be here anymore, and I’m not sure if I’m living for myself or others around me. I can’t see who I am, and I feel as though I’m losing myself with each passing day. I keep telling myself to make it to the next day, just make it to the next day, everything will be better, but it never is.
I miss who I was; I miss the person I was becoming before this medication. I don’t know who I am anymore, and I don’t like this new person. Sometimes I hate myself so much I feel less than worthless, I’ve made so many mistakes, and sometimes I feel like me being alive is just a waste of space. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, but sometimes, I feel like I didn’t work enough. I know I’m capable of more. I must keep working hard, but for what? I feel alone, unloved, worthless, and tired of everything. I ask myself would it end if I just died, but how do I know all of this will be over? How do I know this pain won’t continue? I hate myself; I hate who I am, and I constantly question why I’m alive. Would it just have been easier if I was never born, I sometimes wish I wasn’t. Am I just convincing myself that if I go off this medication, everything will be better or am I just using it as a crutch for being the worthless person I believe I have become? I wish I were numb; I wish I didn’t feel anything because the alternative is just pain, paranoia, and self-hatred. I think to myself; if I knew what happens after I died, I most likely would be dead by now; I sometimes think my fear of the unknown is what is keeping me here. I hate myself. I don’t want to be here or anywhere for that matter. What’s the point anymore. 
My last resort is to hope this is all the medication because if this isn’t, I can’t do this I’m unsure what I would do to myself. I constantly tell myself two more years, two more years, two more years, and I'm off this medication. I am desperately trying to hold on to that small thin thread of hope that one day this will all be over in two more years. Will it really be over in two more years? I have this creeping fear constantly hanging over me that it won’t be over after two more years. Can I really make it two more years? I have no choice; I want to keep smiling, I want to have friends, I want to be wanted, I want to be love, I want to belong, I want to be happy. Even if I’m told I’m loved, I’m wanted, that they’re here for me by the people around me, all I feel is alone, worthless and not enough. I miss who I was and hate who I’ve become. I feel so consumed by my emotions and self-hatred that I don’t know if I can return to who I was before because that’s all I have now. 
When I’m off this medication in two years, if I’m told I must go back on it, or I’m not like this because of medication, I really don’t know if I can do this anymore.  I’m breaking, and with each passing day, I keep pushing it down to my core where no one can hear me screaming, see me suffering and see me drowning. If I keep pushing it down and try to convince myself that I’m okay, will it be okay? Cause if I don’t, what’s the alternative. I need to make it for those around me and myself, but what happens if I don’t. What happens if I end it all? I feel like I’m losing myself with each passing day, but two more years, two more years, two more years. I hope that in two more years when all of this is over, I can be happy; I can have my life back… maybe, I hope. Hopes all I have left. I’m betting everything on those two years; that’s my plan. I can never forget, no matter how much I suffer, no matter the pain eats away at me inside, no matter how much I feel like I’m being torn into a million pieces, I must act like everything’s okay.  I must wear what is left of my broken mask and push everything down, locking these feelings I have in a box deep within so that maybe one day everything will okay, possibly.  I must find a way to put this mask back together, pick up the pieces without anyone knowing I’m this broken in the first place. I want to shut down, I feel like I’m screaming inside for help, but I can’t let anyone know, I feel like I’m drowning, gasping for air that isn’t there anymore. I’m slowly losing myself, and I feel like it’s only a matter of time, but I can’t think like this. I need to silence the voices in my head that tell me all those dangerous thoughts, that tell me I’m worthless, that tell me I don’t deserve to be loved, that tell me I don’t deserve anything. How do I silence those thoughts? I need everything to stop, but how do I silence those thoughts when that’s all I hear now? I’m so consumed by those thoughts I have, and now with each passing day, that’s all I’m starting to hear. I can’t, but I need to put on a mask, this broken mask of mine and act like everything is okay because this broken mask and this little bit of hope I’m desperately holding onto is all I have left now. 

I can; I can’t; I need to keep going, suppress this pain, be strong, ignore all the voices, cover my ears, ignore these contradicting thoughts, and hold my breath, whatever it takes because Two more years.
I must survive so I can live again.


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts