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What Iโ€™m about to share is something very disturbing. Its something I havenโ€™t ever told anyone and its been hurting and burdening me since forever.
All this had happened when my age was between 9 and 12.
It all started when my elder brother started touching me inappropriately. He is 3years older than me. He used to touch me and I didnโ€™t understand at that time what was happening. Two or three times when I was asleep he used to touch me weirdly and I would wake but I didnโ€™t open my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I didnโ€™t know what was happening and what should I do. Heโ€™s also took off my trousers twice. At first it felt good at that time coz of the hormones and all but eventually I realized what was really happening. I started to stop him and avoid him.
He started using force. Once I was in the shower and he tried opening the doorlock using a screwdriver.
Its been 6,7 years since all this has stopped.
But I feel so grossed out whenever I think of it. Sometimes I feel so guilty and I feel Iโ€™ve done a really big sin as I didnโ€™t stop him in the beginning. I donโ€™t know whoโ€™s fault it was. It just hurts. I really wish I could forget all thatโ€ฆ

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This happened to me also while I was a kid, my sister used to seduce me but I didnโ€™t get it that time, one day our whole family went to market to buy groceries she and I left alone in our house then that day she raped me but still I didnโ€™t get it but I did enjoyed it lol, now I lost my virginity to my sister that wanted to give it to my life partner
I feel guilty about it because I enjoyed it


Oh man. Iโ€™m sorry that happened to youโ€ฆ
I just still canโ€™t understand sometimes that whether I should feel guilty about all it or notโ€ฆ sometimes I really do hate myself for not stopping it earlierโ€ฆ


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