Well,my friends always see me as a happy-go-lucky girl that has no problems, but little do they know, everytime that im alone i just feel so empty! I want them to see that side of me even without telling them! And when im sad and they know it, they dont even ask if im ok! They also talk shit in front of me without realizing what i feel! They think that its all joke for them.


Friends

i feel as though i have no friends. i know many people jokingly say “i have no friends or life” but for me, i can’t help but feel like i really have none. i only have 2 people i can call my friends, yet they always seem to leave me out. one of them constantly leaves me on opened, and only replies to my messages with “hah, oh, lol” type responses. the other one complained to me a few weeks ago that i wasn’t being a good friend and that i was selfish. i agreed and started to message them more often, but just the other day they went on a date with a boy and didn’t even tell me about, and i only knew since my other friend told me about it. i always invite them to hang out with me yet they always say they’re busy. at this point i stopped trying since I know the answer will most likely be no. they never check up on me nor would they even realize that i’m upset with them. even my on online friend has started to drift away from me. i can’t even make online friends since idk how. my one get away was tiktok as i started to gain followers and surpassed 100k on there, but even now my account has been dying and my videos aren’t getting seen. i know that’s a stupid thing to care about, but it was the only thing that made me feel like i was someone. i’m tired of wanting to be someone else 

I only have like 4 friends in cllg who now i realise were there just cause they wanted stuff from me. Like they now make me feel bad about everything and dont communicate as its almost the end of my degree. Those 4 live together, make plans together and dont even care to ask me. It makes me feel bad. Am i wrong in any way? 

I always thought that friends were so important in life. They make life meaningful, stressfree. Being with friends felt like being in heaven. This was all I always had in mind when I was with people whom I called my friends once. But sad part is, they mistreated me, made me feel like a second class person and think ill of me. This I realised recently that they didn't even give me a place in their lives not even gave me respect. I had been treated badly and judged. I ignored their behaviour because I thought I am too not a best person overall and made mistakes but now, when I see back i see only hatred I received. Once I got so depressed and blamed myself for ruining friendship which I cherished most above all the relationships.  They threw me out of their lives without giving me a chance to explain as I wasn't worthy. past 2 years was very depressing for me. Now I am still struggling and trying to come out of that feeling. They were my school friends and I didn't have any friends except them.  Now, I am all alone, without friends but I am living.........

I used to think I needed a lot of friends so I can feel loved. I was so wrong. The older I get, the more grateful I am for my small circle of friends.


Personal Growth

Why do I feel like I'm the only one constantly trying to prove that I'm their friend. Engaging in conversation with them , making effort in friendship.
While they only call me when they need help , but when I want to talk there's no one to talk to . I don't even share my feelings with anyone anymore , because no one cares even when I share. 

ADHD

I keep feeling insecure that my friends are not my friends 

Mental Health

(i just need to rant so no one has to reply) i feel so lonely. like i have no friends and it sucks. yea i have my family but i don’t talk to them a lot or really get into conversations with them. my friends i’ve had around my whole life i feel are drifting away and im trying so hard to keep the friendship alive but it seems like no effort is being put into it by them. i’ll send videos to our group chat, ask if they want to hangout on the weekend, and try to start conversations but literally no one replies. do you know how shitty that makes me feel? being ignored almost every time. i will never tell them how it makes me feel because they’ll try to make it seem like im the problem and that i text too much in the group chat and they’re doing stuff. they’ve all changed sm and it hurts me. i never really had a lot of friends because i have really bad social anxiety so the only real friends i ever had were them, my whole life. i don’t talk to anyone in school either. ik no one in my classes. i only talk to one friend from the group. also one friend from the group is known to bash people who have “no friends” and it makes me feel like shit. i just want to have people to hang out with and have fun with instead of sitting inside every single day drowning in my thoughts or on my phone for hours. it hurts seeing peoples story’s every weekend of them having fun and hanging out with friends when all i ever do on the weekend is sleep. i understand they might have stuff to do on the weekend but literally why ignore me? it makes no sense and it makes me feel like complete shit and hate myself because i feel as i talk too much. in reality i just want friendships. i hate this sm. and before anyone tells me to make new friends i literally cant, its so hard for me to even talk to new people better yet be comfortable around them. since i’ve known that group of friends my whole life its easy for me to be comfortable around them but now it feels like they just don’t care. im sick of never going out , im literally the most adventurous person like i love going out and exploring so how do you think it makes me feel to sit in my house everyday (besides going to school).

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