Um…so…I’m going through a longer depressive episode than usual. Have kinda lost my appetite and lost weight to soon too. I’m just feeling to overwhelmed , sad and empty. Also, there was this person I’d relied to much on i feel, and now that we don’t even have a normal conversation feels awful knowing that we spoke almost every other day, spent almost the whole day together for months. I overshared. Evidently. I just miss them a lot, and since with them I’ve been very vocal abt my thoughts and feelings, I’ve told them abt what’s happening too. But the way the behave or text or talk has changed somewhat from some time now. I voiced this abrupt change and the confusion it brought me too, thrice by now. I overexpress as much as i overlove, so after the third time it happened i feel like I’m being too overbearing. So i thought of giving it a few days or weeks maybe. I know i should, but somehow Im getting this intuition that I’m gonna lose somehing, something I really don’t wanna. It’s hurting me to stay and it’s hurting me to leave. I think I liked the person i bece when I was with them. For once i had someone who’d care for me. I really don’t wanna lose this , but then again nothing works one way. There has to be something from the other end too. I just don’t know. I wanted to keep this one bond for life. In my despairs over the years i had clung onto their hope to keep living. Now that the anchor that made me stay is slowly fading I’m losing my mind. It feels weird and days feel awful very weirdly. And this is my best friend I’m talking abt. Should I give one last call just for random ? Or should I give the break, the time to stay apart even if things might dissolve and disappear soon then ?
You’re right. While I’m suffering here at the cost of my health for someone who is too busy to even keep something precious safely. I’ve worried myself more than anyone else. It’s abt time i leave it. I have no idea how to let go of something this deep within buy I’m not gonna pay any heed to what comes abt of this friendship now. I tried, not once but thrice. And that’s what matters. I tried.
