*** Trigger Warning ***
I have lived a very strange life and in turn it has made me a very strange person. I have had more near death experiences than I can count, most of them being completely out of the blue random, and I can’t help but wonder if I should be dead, or if I’m still alive for a purpose?
For the past 15 years I have thought about killing myself almost every day, and I nearly succeeded once or twice. The only reason I haven’t is not because I am afraid of dying, but because I am afraid I’ll miss out on something beautiful in my life. Something that, at the very least will numb this pain. But I’m 29 years old and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.
I think the perspective to take is, you were saved for a reason. You escaped death because you had to be here and do certain things and experience certain feelings. It’s a great thought to hold onto, most of us are hanging because hope keeps us going, for bigger things, for better things in life. Hope is all we have. And sometimes that something can take time, and at other times it can be something as simple as a sunrise or kisses from a dog. Nothing will ever change our mindset. And trust me, happiness can and will be found in the smallest and simplest of things. Just be on the lookout, at a dewdrop, at a good true laugh with old friends, a child in the park, the sunshine in the winter :)))
You know what,you still have the hope that you may miss something beautiful in life if you commit sucide now.And that hope is enough to give up on suicidal thoughts.
Its okay to live without any goal or ambition.You can continue your living your life as usual untill you find what you are looking for.
Since you are 29,possible options of your goals can be relationship,business,career,learning some new skill-dance,song,foreign language,etc.
Still if its not any of above,you can start practicing meditation.
Meditation will help you empty your mind from useless and harmful thoughts.You will feel lighter and clearer at mental level.
Don’t get overwhelmed hearing the word ‘meditation’,its no rocket science.
You can practice it when you are at less noisy place like your home or office.Start with just 5-10 min duration or even 2-3 min.
Close your eyes and deep breathe,just feel how your body swells and shrinks as you inhale and exhale.Try to listen to voices around you:clicking of mouse button,people talking,tree leaves shaking with wind.
All you have to do is keep yourself in present and not think of past and future.
No wonder if your mind starts getting into past or future,just bring it back again.
This will help.Trust me.
And no more suicidal thoughts!
Ankita Nishu @ankitanishu
As you yourself said life has given you several chances to live it up. Believe in law of attraction, if you will think about things in a positive way good will come to you… You have fear of missing out in this beautiful life so dude live it up. You are just 29, its not late. Never is too late for anything. You have blocked your good luck because of thinking negative. Don’t give up on life. Not Now Not Ever. Enjoy whatever you have got. You are a survivor and you can make most of it.
Hey, you completely make sense. There comes a time when you want to take your life and you keep thinking about it. First of all, I congratulate you for not giving up in these 15 years because if you haven’t, you come under the bravest people in the world.
I would just suggest you to live your life on your own terms. We think of such things because we do not get the approval of society for so many random things. The moment you start living for yourself, soon after or later you will enjoy your life to optimum.
29 years? Bro I’m jobless for 1 year now. Making my living any how and I want to live for 100 years. I know I have a lot to take from life. Life has taken 1 year from me, I will take so many years from life. ;)