The past, it is precious, thought me a lot of things, but, I hate it because it traumatized me, I feel so ashamed like I wanna die but I know my death will not solve anything, in fact, my family will be affected by death, I will leave them in ashamedness, n my siblings, how would they feel if I do something so stupid like that, So I don’t want to commit suicide, Now, I just want to live without hesitation, trying my best not to think about what others going to think of me, however, I found its hard, as whenever I did mistakes, I felt like I am worthless as I am really like what people said, I have nobody to share with my feelings as I know if I tell them, they will be disgusted, right? It is common for people when they know about your bad sides they surely will run away, or make it as a joke, or gossip about you behind their back. FYI, I lost a lot of friends because I’m too gross for them, I guess, they never teel tho. now I have one, but ill never share what I truly feel just to stay a friend. I guess it is better that way, no more heartache for backstabbing me, the less they know fewer worries. So, when I’m sad because of me myself, I always imagined strangling my neck with rope or stabbing my chest with a knife repeatedly. Nah, I’m not doing it in real life, just imagine it would not do me harm, would it? it feels good… so that’s all I wanna say.
You took a great decision
You just have to deal with it for more time
Cause time takes all bad things
And be strong stop yourself for thinking that and find something for yourself which makes you happy when you do that thing.