The more I thought about it, the more I believed it was going to happen. I started creating scenarios in my head when I was 21 years old. I didn't realize what was happening to me at that time. I came to realization about my mental illness at the age of 23, when I finally had the courage to go to a doctor. I wish I had gone earlier.

I wish society was more understanding and we didn't have to think twice before visiting a doctor for our mental illnesses. I wish there was no stigma attached to this. People would be so much progressive and healthier.

Went through something similar in my 20s.

Its never too late to do something that helps you. Its okay if you didnt go earlier.

Mental Health

My bf lacks accountability of anything
 I mean taking responsibility when anything goes wrong and taking it withna pinch of salt. 

He behaved so dumb or under communicative about something and then he got so aggressive
And triggered me. I didn't react.. But within me got triggered.. The striking similarity between him and my passive aggressive dad, both with poor crisis or situation al management abilities and lacking patienceand bf started driving so so fast .. The car.. He got angst and drove so fast... I felt really scared. Within. The fear of passive aggression and felt so triggered. 
 So I feel triggered. , he doesn't realize doesn't care. 
Moreso bcoz I have a trigger of so much anger from my dad m Mom too. 
I hope I feel better. And find peace. 

Other

crushes are horrible. It's like, you really want that person to be with you, but that may not even be possible. Whenever my life falls apart severely, I somehow manage to get one crush every time.
like wth 

Crush

I feel kinda bit lost today. My boyfriend had an argument with one of his friends and he started thinking about how he's better to be not in this world anymore like bruh thats so sad and painful for me. But i suppressed my emotions cause i feel like it was really a bad argument.
I really dont know what to do. I tried to asked if what can i do to atleast cheer him up and then he just easily said to me to enjoy my day and that he's fine. Like what?? So i kinda had enough of his attitude so i sarcastically said he was having a perfect attitude right there and guess what? He didnt reply. Now im crying cause i feel helpless and not good enough.  I just wanted to help yk. But shit happens and i dont like how it turned out to be this way.
Ugh. Im so upset. Maybe i should have been more kind, it wouldn't turn out to be this way.

Long Distance Relationship

Sometimes It's Not the person but you who made them special!

3am Thoughts

Idk how to say this 
But you have changed alot! Those texts those snaps when you needed me are gone,
I dont blame you
People change, when a new person comes into your life you shift your priorities,
Most of people don’t change but you’ve changed
I couldn’t express my feelings cuz i thought it was too early all I did was pray for you showed you kindness loved you cared so much about you, was desperately thinking ki thik hogi does she needs me is she alright its all gone!
Your texts once in a while and sometimes not even that hurts me seeing people change hurts alot

And now you are in relationship & It’s hard to move on !
I hope some day you realised how much I cared for you and How much I loved you.


One Sided Love

Hey guys, I like one guy whos on insta and before we accidently met once...So I msg him from my another acc and told him the incident but as my another acc has less follower also and no post.. so he thinks I'm fake...I told him that my orginal account is there so, he told tell me the orginal account (which is public and also mine reels,pics) are there...and then only talk to him(he still thinks I'm fake)...I told him I'll tell him on his bday but bday is tomorrow and I don't know I should tell him or direct msg him from my public account..then only he can believe 


Plz reply if anyone read this...suggest me what to do

I'm feeling like I need a neuro-psychiatrist but i don't have enough money for it. And I don't even wanna tell my family... What should I do now..? 

Anxiety

I had a shitty Sunday, At this point, I believed I'm cursed with bad luck. No joke everything that happened is blamed on me.
Okay, let me tell you, So yesterday one of my sister's birds died due to not being able to lay her egg. There aren't any vets that take in birds where I live so we couldn't do much. The bird's named Nina, she had an egg inside of her for three days, this is the second time this has happened to Nina where she can't lay her egg, her first time that happened was about a year ago. I help her lay the egg by slowly pushing on her stomach I don't really know how to explain it...But the point is I helped her and she was doing okay. Because I helped her once my family thought that I could do it again, but I couldn't...I couldn't help her because I was also scared of hurting her. She died after me trying to help her lay the egg, My sister blamed me for not doing it the day before and my mom also said that she told me to help her before and that she is now dead because I didn't help her on time. They were trying to make me feel bad about it even tho they could have helped too but didn't, yes I do feel bad but I was scared to do it again. After that my little brother went and snitch with my little sister, the rooms aren't that far away so I heard what he told her, he said the bird died because of my fault because I didn't help her on time. I was about to cry because they were all making me feel like shit so I told them they could have helped her too, they could have helped but they didn't and she died because they didn't help her either. I left the room and came back a couple of mins later with the egg in my mom's hands, they pushed the egg out. Like why the fuck would they blame me for not being able to fucking help her when they could have done the same. My mom said that she couldn't because she was scared to hurt her too, I told her the same thing but my mom insisted that I have done it before and that I could do it again. 
Later that day they were mad at me I could tell because when I talked to any of them they didn't care what I was saying. And now I feel like crap...

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