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Anonymous

Trigger WarningSo…I was molested by my piano teacher in 6th grade. He would lock me in a corner room, saying the reason is because the bigger piano was in that room and I was giving my 6th grade piano exam. He would lock me there and tell me to practice till he came. He’d lock the door when he’d come in and sit pretty close and well now I feel he was just pretending to teach. Then he would touch my dress and compliment about my dress and he’d pull me closer to hug him. He’d keep his legs apart and press his body to me. In few instances he cornered me to a table and would press his dick area and rub on me. Once he slid his hand under my dress and roamed by thigh and butt. That was it I couldn’t take it anymore and told my mom about it. She broke into tears when I told her about it. She asked me tell her what all he did to me. I just told her that he would hug me, that’s all. Seeing her sob like that,  I didn’t get the heart to tell her everything I said above. She immediately cut me off from those classes. And I told her that he had been doing that for 2months but in reality it was for almost months. I have overcome the aftermath of the abuse expect one. Because of that I was introduced into this whole new world of adult stuff. I was still a kid and being In india we have no sex ed. I tried googling to see what was happening with me. That introduced me to porn and stuff. I always wondered what if I hadn’t told my mom about it, would it have gone that far? I would play those scenarios in my head. I am not proud of it at all. I hate myself for that. I’ve never told this to anyone except my god. I’ve always searched for student teacher porn. Gosh I feel like a piece of shit. Which I totally am. The abuse isn’t the worst thing it’s the aftermath that’s the worst. I’ve watched soo much porn almost every day. I got over it with gods help. But after 2years I got back to it. Now I dont watch with the same intentions as those times but it’s an activity I’m not proud of. People just play it off saying watching porn is fine… its no big deal… its good for our sexual health and stuff. No! Porn is not okay! Just stop condoning what your doing! With soo many ideas in the world that say women should be able to explore their sexuality and encourage porn and stuff… do you think it’s a good idea for girls like me? And I’m sure theres a bunch of girls who were molested. That’s our country’s fucked up men. I dont want to watch porn. Period. I’m struggling with it and I dont seem to be winning. But I haven’t watched today…one day at a time?

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2 replies
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Anonymous

It’s good you’re taking it one day at a time. You should have the ability to make your own rules. Don’t want to watch porn? Don’t. Want to watch porn? Watch. Neither is wrong. There’s too much talk around what’s right and what isn’t. You are allowed to feel however you feel after what happened with you. You’re not supposed to have a standard response to that situation. And yes, you too should be able to explore your sexuality and watch porn if you like or if you feel up to it. What happened, had nothing to do with you, so you shouldn’t equate that experience with yourself. He is the pervert. You get to choose however you wish to think and feel, and for that, you don’t owe anybody any explanations. xx

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Anonymous

wow thanks…that actually calmed my mind.

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