So a crazy thing happened. I watched a web series called Pushpavalli on Amazon prime. Ever since I am disturbed very much. You will think of me as crazy but I got kinda scared from it. Like I found it relatable in some ways- I am overweight, alone, friendless like her…but I never was idiot enough to stalk somebody… like I became afraid of it very much as I in my whole life never want to haunt, stalk or be a burden for someone… the web series’s theme maybe something else but I am more haunted by character… I am not judging or doing anything but ever since I finished that- I am disturbed… I am constantly seeing myself in that character and that is eating my self-confidence and making me fear from myself… I am comparing me to her… I know I am talking like crazy but I am feeling this… it is like when a dark side of a character is opened in front of you and u relate to it somewhat… I am thinking if I am such a person to my numbered friends and if because of that only so many people leave me?
I don’t know. But I am afraid of me that is for sure… I now realise that I should never go to areas like friendship or love or relationships… I will be away from them as I don’t want to end up like that… I will work hard… I will get a good job, a good home, a cat and a dog and that’s it… I really don’t want to be a flawed person who lies and manipulates others… I know I am sounding completely nuts but really I am constantly thinking about this… For the first time in my life, a web series made me fear myself as it is relatable and I never want my dark side to dominate me so much and make me so much vulnerable…I just don’t know why did I write this or what am I saying…have I gone mad??
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