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Anonymous

Siblings! Where do you draw the line between personal time and family time?
We have one life and what we do everyday defines the quality of life right. I think everyone should have the freedom to decide what they want to do with their time. So my sister is visiting. She is a housewife now and has two kids. An 18th month and a 6 month old.
I am 27, single and work for IT firm. My parents are retired and now I am the only one earning. I have to take a switch so I can earn more to support them.

This requires me study a lot and my work hours at times stretch to 12+ hours. There are only a few things that gives me a bit of hope in this stressful times. I talk to a few close friends once in a while. And play music to keep myself sane. My sister expects me to spend all my free time with her.

I have recently recovered from depression and I have certain things like music, talking to friends, reading self help books that keeps me sane. I have to do them in order to feel normal. She would keep me engaged till 1AM in the night babysitting the kids. I get frustrated because my work hours start early in the morning and I don’t get a good sleep. That too when I have asked her several times to put the kids to sleep early. She sleeps late and wakes up late and hence the kids sleep late. How is that my fault?

We are poles apart people. I’m a morning person. I listen to podcasts, documentaries or read things that improves my general knowledge. She likes watching movies and shows I don’t relate to. For me it’s a waste of my time. Sometimes is okay but right now I have things on my plate. How am I supposed to sit and watch TV? I get it that it’s important to spend time with family. But I can’t put my goals apart and chit chat with her.

It’s so frustrating because she doesn’t even acknowledge how hard I bust my ass at work. She takes my time for granted and demands me to spend time with her. She wouldn’t respect whenever I am in the meeting. Just barge in talking to me as if I am chitchatting with my friends. I know she wants to be loved but I can only be there when I feel sane which is when I am on track with my plans. I want to move to another country down the lane and I have so much work to do.
She might go back in another month but I wouldn’t want to wait until then to start studying. The only time the house that’s quiet is in the morning. I intend to wake up early and study. I haven’t been productive since she has been here. I have some commitments that require me to take a switch ASAP which is giving me anxiety.

I can’t put a pause on my life for that long. She says I am insensitive and selfish and she keeps fighting with me. I feel bad. I love her and the kids a lot but I can’t keep my goals aside for that long. It has been 3 months! I feel stuck. It took me 5 years and therapy to finally feel stable and I can’t give all of it up. How would you handle such a scenario? Am I being selfish?

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3 replies

Ryel Mejos @ryel17

Yes, i really feel you…😣😣 though I am not the only one providing for the family but there’s just too much expectations. I also feel like I’m losing a lot of myself too much because i have to do a lot for the family. It just feels heavy sometimes.

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Anonymous

I miss the time when I was living alone. I owned my time. I thrived during that phase.

Ryel Mejos @ryel17

I haven’t expererienced that yet, but i missed the time when i had to stay long hours in my workplace. Now i have to stay at home and work from home. Lesser me time…

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