Sea never gives you second chance,
Cause first one can be deadly. 

#navylife #firstpost

Long Distance Relationship

How to handle breakdowns? 

Family

I feel so helpless. I want to run. I want to restart my life. 

I feel excited about the idea of dying, not knowing what will happen after death and just ending it all. But I don't really do it for real because my fam and dog won't be happy. It's just an odd thought that keeps coming back to my mind from time to time. I don't share it to my friends. I'm not just used to sharing and I am afraid that they'll think that I am being dramatic. Plus, I don't really have much friends. I've always have difficulty in befriending people because I always doubt if they actually like me. Sometimes, when I'm feeling down, I just cry and talk alone. I don't know if that's weird but I feel like there's a voice in my head talking to me back and there are actual conversations and sometimes it's just one voice. It's good at telling me that I'm gonna fail on everything I do even before I started. Sometimes, it's fun talking to them but weird too because if they are in my head then they are me right? Is it the same for everyone? Because I don't know what's happening inside other people's mind so I just assume that it happens and people just don't talk about it. 

I've never been into a doctor. I don't tell it to my parents. We are not that close tbh but I love them anyway.

That's it. I just really wanted to vent so I searched for a site like this. 

Mental Health

Depress 
I am person with good ideas and dreams.  
Recently I started to fapping continuously . I feel bad about me I can't even stop that.  I tried to be good , peace . But mind that organ  simply searching that . Am really feel bad about me . No productive . No happiness.  But it seems am addicted to that . I feels like am unfit to live . 

Depression

I'm really lost there's no light to guide me .
It's like a dark miserable hell that I can't escape.
Therlse days I feel like I will disappear without any one noticing.
Foor others I'm just doing my work and living.
But for me everyday is like a burden to live with put on  that happy face mask .
I really want to survive but I can't survive by my own .
I really need therapy but I can't afford it . 
So plz is there anyone that can help plz .
Plz i really need help.
Or just be a friend so I can talk to without wearing any mask.
Plz i don't want to live like this .
Plz someone anyone plz help .


Anxiety

How does it get better? When will it get better? What gets better? Does it even get better?

Life

Hi my name is Spencer. I'm quite Jovial when I'm around people but deep down on the inside I'm dying. Is life really worth living after all. Life if filled with pain and imperfection. No one ever notices that I'm an emotional wreck. I'm never good enough for my family or anyone of that sort. I've been through alot since my birth 18 years ago. At times i question if anyone even realises that i exist. I've had sleepless night in with i just wanted to be swallowed up by my bed. I tend to wonder when will i actually be appreciated for the effort i put in into being good enough for everyone. Let me get more in-depth. Poverty was a main factor in my suicidal thoughts over the years. Growing up life was really rough but still i managed to smile off my pain. I've been through nights on nights where i had nothing to eat. Have 4 siblings and at one point in time 4 of us slept on one small bed. I still managed to ace my classes and i was still well behaved but i was still struggling on the inside. At one point in time i usually use razor to cut my hands wanting to bleed out in the bathroom while showering. Life hasn't been a smooth path way for me and many persons don't know.  About a month or 2 ago I owned up to my girlfriend about my pass. I've never ever opened up to anyone else before and it feel great letting out my feelings. The great feeling lasted for about 2 weeks and then i was back to facing my demons by myself. Since lately suicide has been on my mind and I'm thinking about fulfilling my suicidal thoughts. I try my best to be a great son, boyfriend, brother, nephew, uncle etc but I'm never ever good enough. If someone hurts me i tend to smile it off and not show my pain and that's killing me softly. My girlfriend lives miles away from me and we see each other in holidays. If smth happens even when I'm right i always take the blame. Tbh she makes me happy but I'm afraid I'm losing her. It's not because of cheating but it's because of simple mistakes i make. She gets upset with me alot. I'm really afraid of losing her. My dad cheated on my mom and they are now on the verge if divorcing. My life is a complete mess

Suicidal Ideation

I don't feel much while ma$turb**ing , will i be able to feel something while having s€x as i m getting married in a year or so and i am worried

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts