Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Right now at this point all I wanna say is that I am tired of life because seriously I cant tolerate the shit i’ve been going through any longer and i cant even help that NO MATTER WHAT. its like this is my final year of school which is really crucial for deciding your life career, last year when everything was online I was hella productive and used to be a scholar and my mental health was so fine because people around me were supportive since i used to get good grades my parents started having high hopes from me of becoming a doctor and i used to love making pretty notes, working out, reading books, cooking, coding (i enjoyed coding even tho i was a science student, i even made a website), making remix lol, doing piano and hella more but since I got into this new school this year I was so excited since all my old friends were in this school and this school was more popular among scholars so I was excited to study in some new way and offline classes finally started from august but this one day I came across a guy who was smiling and going behind me, I knew, I knew I was bout to mess my year lol and I wasnt wrong . That feeling was so much good whenever I came across him i knew i have started catching feeling for him so one day I told this friend (ex bsf who came out to be fake) and since she knew him already she made me friends with him so as days passed we got closure like really best friends and we used to text each other every half an hour everday and which too always started with him and we started talking in rl too and we knew we were obsessed with each other like we used to talk late night long hours on call and text and hangout (oct 22-my bdate) but one day he didnt text me (23 oct) and i asked what happened and he was like i am not intrested i was like in what, what happened and all dat and he said that he thinks i am getting attached and he wanna stay just friends i lost all hopes tho but after he said we will stay just friends he didnt talk to me at all, i was the one who started the convo but that too getting ignore for atleast 4 hour ( he used to text me back in miliseconds lol everysingle time no matter what but- ) and so one day he started replying very rudely like -my wish, why do u care, and stuff like that and i was still obsessed like talkkkkkkkkkkkkkk bruhhhhhhhhh pleaseeeeeeeee and still i got ignored and while this all was happenening my exams we going on and i swear i went blank on each day and so did the results and the fact that the questions were leaked and yet i coudnt concentrate on exams and my parents knew i had questions and so they reacted to my marks like i used to be a school and here i am with 51/100 in chemistry, ngl its all my fault and my mum had really high expectations from me and i didnt do well at all made her sad and angry which overall affected the house atmosphere and i was like so depressed that time because i was feeling really bad about myself also my teacher informed my parents that they found cheat in one of my exam sheet so yeah another pile of pressure also my mum used to be a teacher and the cheat thing affected her more than anything which just gave me more torture and still he wasnt talking to me made me just wanna kinda end it all like i just didnt knew how to face the situation i was scared and that week was the worst week and the next week i got really high fever and one day i just fainted which was due to tention and stress of academics according to my doctor and that day my mum got really worried about me and obviously she panicked seeing me and so that day she herself told me that no matter what marks i get in future just dont faint and stress like that she forced me to watch movies (which she is the most against of) and spend time with family and it was like full chill also he started talking to me on good basis but like just related to academics like any doubt or homework and reacting to each other stories and it is like we are friends but we dont share the same vibe anymore like not of even friends just we know each other sorta and here comes the next week while i am typing this, i am scoring really good marks back and i can text him but I am like nahhhhh and i am getting close to my friends and i am getting happier day by day and yeah what I am here for lol while typing this all i realized that i shall get back to study lol i remember the amount of anxiety i had while starting to write this because he ignored my status lol which made me cry like whyyyyy me like i kinda just got away with feeling but anyways i am trying to not let him affect my mood (i remember how happy i was while with him but i should get used to my present situation and i hope my marks and productivity gets back on track like before since only 3 months of left for exams and i should except the fact that syllabus is lenghthy and i havent covered much so i gotta run now which gave me anxiety so i came here now i gotta go lol. Take care :>