Crush

Friendship

Girlfriend

CONFESSION 3: 

What's it is like having a voice in digital World? I always wondered.

I post something and few people will provide unsolicited advice on comments.

But why ? 

Okays, it open. 

I must post to people to look at me. But not with an validation to make. 

It is just a voice, to attract like minded people and connect and socialize. 
Humans are social animal. But enough of hiding. Being real is freedom. Facing the life as it comes instead of running from it or fighting from it. 

Just do what you think you need to do. 

Forgetting about right or wrong. 
Million people billion opinions. 
If i bother them all in my head , my voice will never come back to speak what it feels. invention is necessity of mother. And great invention come out of in the form of voice, the voice of mind. 

I must be open now. Open, strong, untouchable, incredible. 

Like sun. 

3am Thoughts

So a lot has been going lately. Just checking in to vent. I had this test today but I didn't take it because there is an one online version of  it also which provides me with greater flexibility. I was really really underprepared for it and I took the day off from it to study for it and take it tomorrow. I am experiencing major FOMO right now. Like MAJOR FOMO. What are my classmates doing? How is everyone doing on their test? How is 'he' doing? (You know I meant my crush) 
Is he thinking why I didn't it make it today like I do when he's not there? And then that got me thinking, This is what it's going to be like after coaching is done. I won't see him anymore. And it kinda breaks my heart, also that he is seeing someone else. All of my life I had absolutely no luck in personal life and love and it's kinda frustrating. 
But in any case this exam is my priority and the worst part is, when I get stressed, all those feelings start to refurbish so much and way harder, that my day goes awful if I don't see him. I think it's more about the idea and hope of him I cling onto. 
And on the other hand, now that I have taken a day off to study for it, I keep saying to myself "what happens if I score even worse after taking this test after having a whole day off? Where do I stand then?" 
I haven't had much luck with exams lately as well and I care so much if others think I am smart or not and I hate that. 50% of that Fomo is  I guess is because in the back of my head, I am thinking what they might be thinking of me - "haha what a loser. Didn't come to take the test, because she didn't study for it and she is not smart!!"
It's a nightmare 

If zero was discovered by aryabhatta then how did people count 10 heads ravan at that time?

Quotes

I do yoga everyday.mere Jo roommates h, they make fun of me while I am doing yoga. So firstly I hesitate to do yoga in the room.Then I felt that, wo log wese hi hai.mean minded.Why should I change my lifestyle to adjust with them.They are not my closed ones like my family.So I started yoga everyday.They laughed 1 day.Then they felt ki mujhe unke hasne se koi farak nehin pad rhi h. So they get habituated with this.
     Don't change your priority and your lifestyle bcz of others.khud k liye stand Lena sikho 😊. HAVE A NICE DAY 💫⭐

Bullying

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Music

I had a shitty Sunday, At this point, I believed I'm cursed with bad luck. No joke everything that happened is blamed on me.
Okay, let me tell you, So yesterday one of my sister's birds died due to not being able to lay her egg. There aren't any vets that take in birds where I live so we couldn't do much. The bird's named Nina, she had an egg inside of her for three days, this is the second time this has happened to Nina where she can't lay her egg, her first time that happened was about a year ago. I help her lay the egg by slowly pushing on her stomach I don't really know how to explain it...But the point is I helped her and she was doing okay. Because I helped her once my family thought that I could do it again, but I couldn't...I couldn't help her because I was also scared of hurting her. She died after me trying to help her lay the egg, My sister blamed me for not doing it the day before and my mom also said that she told me to help her before and that she is now dead because I didn't help her on time. They were trying to make me feel bad about it even tho they could have helped too but didn't, yes I do feel bad but I was scared to do it again. After that my little brother went and snitch with my little sister, the rooms aren't that far away so I heard what he told her, he said the bird died because of my fault because I didn't help her on time. I was about to cry because they were all making me feel like shit so I told them they could have helped her too, they could have helped but they didn't and she died because they didn't help her either. I left the room and came back a couple of mins later with the egg in my mom's hands, they pushed the egg out. Like why the fuck would they blame me for not being able to fucking help her when they could have done the same. My mom said that she couldn't because she was scared to hurt her too, I told her the same thing but my mom insisted that I have done it before and that I could do it again. 
Later that day they were mad at me I could tell because when I talked to any of them they didn't care what I was saying. And now I feel like crap...

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