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Pain continues…

I don’t know how people get through break up pains. It has been 3 weeks since i broke up with my gf. But it still hurts. I just cry randomly. I feel like my love meant nothing. We broke up because we won’t get accepted by our families. She n me still in love. But she started taking her space now. To get through this pain.she is not someone vocal bout what she going through like me. She has different ways of dealing with it. But her ways hurt me. It makes me feel like i am a useless person which i know i am not. I know my worth. But it’s funny how in an instance you can lose your confidence, and make you hate yourself.

My world turned upside down. I don’t know what i should do. Everytime i think i am over it, i realize i really am not. I am just convincing myself that i am fine. I stopped telling her how i feel also coz i don’t want to look like a child. A clingy person. I don’t want to burden herself with the pain my heart feels.

I am trying to fight my own demons. I thought i was a strong person. But looking at me yearning for a love which won’t come back to me i am ashamed at myself. I try not to feel this way. But i am helpless.

I can not talk to my family about this nor my friends. So i am simply faking everything is fine and smile and hide it. Stuck at home with this pandemic and i don’t know how to let the stress out.

I don’t wanna let her go. It is also painful to hold onto her. The biggest mistake i made is investing my feelings for a relationship with uncertainty. I can not stop blaming myself for that. My world is broken. I am not the kind and sweet person i used to be before anymore. I feel like i am changing.

Today is her birthday. I called her at 12 at night to wish her. She didn’t pick up. She said she was in family group call. But for that moment i waited all day. I counted every single minute. And when she didn’t pick up, i broke into tears. I understand bout what happened. I shouldn’t feel sad, she was prioritizing her family. She called me back a little while after. But i didn’t pick up since i was crying. I feel like a bad person for getting angry and the worst part is i no longer have a right to get angry. And i never ever got angry at her before also. But i didn’t show her that n messaged her normally. I didn’t wanna ruin her birthday. But that moment i won’t forget till i die. I felt so unimportant to the person i love the most.

I wish i could escape from how devastated i am feeling right now. If only i could…

Holding onto her is painful. But i see no other choice. She is too precious for me to let go or to be forgotten. Simply trying to deal with the pain n get through it.

5 Comments
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Hey!
Take deep breaths. It feels like this when you go through something like this wherein because of the family you have to be separated.
Just a quick reminder for the future- how we feel for someone isn’t in our hands but our actions afterward are definitely in our hands. So, before getting so deep with someone be sure of where it going to lead.

Now, don’t hold up your feelings, let them out. Be as vulnerable as you want to be. Cry as loud as you wish because you are going through a hard time. It’s completely okay. I have seen my friends going through the same situation (not the parents but the break-up part). Talk to your friends just as you vented out here. They will be there for you emotionally and you know you can count on them. They too care for you as you care for yourself and your ex-girlfriend.
You won’t be able to move on unless you decide to move on seriously. It’s just been 3 weeks, it will take a hell of a lot of time to process everything and finally to move ahead and to think about going back. Take it slow, there is no hurry, okay? You don’t need to be angry, not because you lost the right but because she is also trying to move on as you and will act in a manner which she didn’t before. So, you have to respect and adjust to her new behavior. Similarly, she has to yours.

She was a part of your life and it was beautiful too, remember? You don’t have to erase it but consider and accept that it was in the past and will continue as a past and not ruin my present. You should remember the time spent but not at the cost of ruining what you have now.
REMEMBER- When you are in a position to talk about her to anyone else/see her photos/remember any incident by looking/experiencing something/someone asks you about her and you DON’T cry/feel sad but rather talk normally and happily feel it was great to have her in my life, that’s when you actually MOVED ON.💗

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Thank you so much. I don’t who you are, but your words definitely made me feel better. Really appriciate this! Thank you…

That feels great. Read this again and again when you feel the need if it makes you feel any better.
You got this and you can do it. 😀

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Thank you so much! I will. God bless you for your kind words!

Thank you!💛