One day when my phone’s battery died and I had no other option but to spend time with myself, I came to this realisation that when was the last time I was without my phone in my hand, with just my thoughts or with a good read. This gave me an opportunity to introspect and retrospect about my life and life choices. 
Everyday I have to travel approximately 2 hours in the car and  what do I do during that time? While away my time aimlessly scrolling on Instagram or other social media applications. Why don’t I use those 2 hours to just be by myself? 
I realised that I need to get done with this mentality of “I dont have enough time for this or that” and prioritise and MAKE TIME for these little, but important things in life. 
Do you guys have any ideas or opinions on how I can improve on this?

Other

I feel like there are certain rules on how to operate in the world and i dont know what they are?

I just wish for once people understood that I am not lazy
I am tired of living like this 
I don't have the energy in me to keep pushing
I am drained 
I swear I am not lazy it's just that sometimes being so emotionally tired causes everything to be dull and I feel like I don't even want to get out of bed but i wish I had the energy to get out and be active

But I am tired 

Depression

I cried today, not only did I cry I screamed.
It was like everything inside me was bleeding.
Everything was scattered inside me.
I threw things, i slapped myself for crying.
This isn't the first, it's happening to me so often. 
And every time it was scary. I'm exhausted from myself.
There's this burden on my chest.
I'm so afraid of myself.

 

Frustration

My exams are starting from 21 Feb but I m not Able to concentrate and study. What should I do then? 

3am Thoughts

Hey everyone

Anxiety

I feel like academic validation can only save me now. I feel so bad.😔 You know while growing up I wasn’t good at anything, literally anything, you name it and I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t smart. The one thing I was only good at till 2016 was studies and then what happened, studies also left me. Imagine a kid who’s in top 3 of the class would fail. I started failing from from 10th standard. My mental health was shit in class 9 and class 10. I couldn’t do simple things like riding a scooty. I was so bad at it. I was so bad at dancing. Actually I was bad at every physical activity be it sports such as basketball. People would make fun of me in school. Boys called me a sl*t in class 9 with no fault of mine, just because I was a lil more fashionable (maybe) as compared to other girls. I stopped talking to boys. I would rather fear them, avoid them as much as I can. My mental health was shit. Imagine a 14 year old going through all this. Now I’ll be 21 in few days. And I miss that little girl who was good at studies. Studying was the easiest thing for her till 2016. She always excelled. Now, let’s switch to 2023. Now, actually I went for college in different city. And I finished my undergrad and came back home. It has been 7 months since I have come back home. I have an elder sister who’s an year and a half older than me and she is pretty and every relative would just always praise her looks. Every time we get ready together, I already know that she’ll be looking prettier than me. Actually guys here won’t understand. When you and your friend or sibling who’s same as your age would get ready together and come out of the room together and everybody is just complementing your sibling, making you feel invisible. It doesn’t feel good, not at all it does. You always feel sidelined by your own relatives. There’s always competition and for God’s sake I am done competing Actually the thing is that since I am staying that’s why it’s happening and with me. Once I’ll go to college for postgrad, it won’t matter much to me. But I need to study for getting a good college and because of this weird feeling and anxiety inside me, I spend my whole day on phone. I want to study, get in a good college, be independent, earn my own enough money that I don’t need validation from anybody. I want to be so happy living my life that I stop caring about people. There’s so much more I feel like writing but whatever it is, it’s fine🙂

Life is the biggest party you'll ever be at

the semester is almost over and I have a ton of S**t to do, idk why I keep doing this to myself. LIke can't I do my hw on time??? why do I always have to wait for the last minute to do stuff?? but here I go ig. Good Luck to any high schooler, we can do this 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts