Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

My sibling he is having trouble with his mentalhealth and I’m sacred that I’ll wake up one day and he’ll be gone it’s gotten so bad that I can’t leave him alone more then a hour or to without having a panic attack I can’t go to sleep until he does I watch him well he’s sleeping to see if he breathing cause I’m sacred when I wasn’t paying attention he took a bunch of pills I haven’t been a good sister not even close I want to be better but I always screw it up I should be helping but I don’t do good with feelings I don’t do good with mine when he tries venting to me I say yeah or well she’s a bitch I’ve heard him on the phone and said nobody would care if I died couple days later he said he tried oding well I was in the room wide awake and I didn’t even realize I just thought he was tired i keep thinking about relapsing and I feel selfish for wanting to because of him