Low key wanna die. Not because I’m depressed or tired or exhausted (which I am), but because I’m a horrible person. Like, I’m not kidding, I might end up in jail for murder (I haven’t killed anyone, don’t panic), I don’t know how much of this shit I can endure, my dad is an idiot pedophile, my mom thinks I should be quiet about everything that happens to me and no I can not say anything to them or else I’ll get punished, I have 3 voices/people in my head that are telling me to murder others or hurt myself and honestly it’s very tempting, it’s like a magnet attracts metal yk.
I know i’m probably not gonna try to kill myself again, but that only makes me hurt myself even more and I feel like I’m going crazy every single day…
Wow
Ujjwal @ujjwals
Organize your thoughts. It’s hard to understand what you wanna express. Because of toxic parents you wanna die?
Sorry, I wanna die because I’m a horrible person, yes my parents are horrible people and mostly it’s their fault I ended up like this. But my parents aren’t the only reason, when I was younger I started hearing 3 voices in my head, sometimes I can see them too, and they are telling me to either kill people either kill myself or hurt myself. And it’s getting really hard to ignore them, it’s like a magnet pulling a piece of metal yk. So instead of killing others I think killing myself is the best idea because I really hate pain so hurting myself isn’t a good choice either
Ujjwal @ujjwals
how old are you? What kind of voices? Are they real people or imaginary ? Are you able to clearly see him in your mind?
I’m 19, and those voices aren’t real. Yes, I can clearly see them in my head, and sometimes I can see them in real life as hallucinations but in that moment they are a bit foggy (a bit transparent).
Ujjwal @ujjwals
This is bit a serious issue. Have you ever went to psychiatrist? I seen people with schizophrenia having voices and hallucinations guiding them for something.
I would request you to go to good psychiatrist and have some medicines (it really works). Normal people will not get even 1% what you are feeling so please consult a professional.
Ujjwal @ujjwals
Or if you want to vent or express something ping me, i like to deep dive in hallucinatory minds.
I haven’t been to a psychiatrist yet, my mom doesn’t want me to go there because she thinks the medicine is gonna mess my brain or something like that, but I’m planning on going when I’ll move. But can it be schizophrenia even though you know it’s a hallucination?
Ujjwal @ujjwals
It can be anything if that auditory hallucinations , not necessarily schizophrenia. Only psychiatrist with more than 15-20 years of experience can diagnose this. If you are able to write and speak properly than it might not be schizophrenia according to me because those people are mostly non functional.
Yeah I know only a psychiatrist can diagnose it, but I was asking because I don’t really know much about schizophrenia. But I can speak and write pretty good, I mean I’m a bit dyslexic, but that doesn’t count, and hopefully I’m not schizophrenic cause it’s gonna make me even more paranoid about my reality…
Ujjwal @ujjwals
Yes according to me it’s not schizophrenia. They can’t even browse internet properly. And this is just phase of life bro , once you get recovered(which is obvious) then you will be more stronger than normal population with high self steem.
Thanks man, I really appreciate your help honestly.
Cin @lovelycin
I am extremely sorry that you have to deal with this and I do hope that if you are young that when you are able to move out and find a safe space you don’t allow this to effect your future. Dealing with stuff like this can affect you or anybody mentally and cause trauma to anybody. Please don’t be scared to continue to post and express yourself don’t allow any emotions to build up.
It’s okay I guess, and I’m actually trying to move already and hopefully I’ll feel a little better when I’ll be alone
Cin @lovelycin
That’s and if you aren’t comfortable with seeking help continue to express anonymously so when you are alone you don’t feel totally alone and you have at least people to talk to that are strangers but that can be there for you
Yeah, I mean everytime I’m in a bad mood or anything like that I’m posting anonymously cause I’m scared to talk about this with others who know my identity obviously
Cin @lovelycin
Of course and people you tend to judge more just because they know you more personally which I think its wrong but we can’t control others but this place so far seem to be safe space to expressly freely.
Yeah, that’s exactly why I’m saying all this here, because even if someone is gonna judge me it’s gonna be fine because I don’t know them and they don’t know me so it’s safer
Cin @lovelycin
Agreed!
Akasha @akashadz
That’s so not good whatever is happening with you I hope and really wish you come out of this very soon 🤍 Just always keep sharing your thoughts you always have listening ear friends here!
Thank you, I will
