Home / Thoughts / life is terrible. i cant imagine how bad it is fo...
Anonymous

life is terrible. i cant imagine how bad it is for others and thats why i tend to keep things to myself. but sometimes it hurts - scratch that, it hurts all the time. a lot of times when i meet people and be myself (i.e. giving them stuff and treating them to cards and food and just being really nice), they always step over me and use me because i have money and expect me to keep doing and i can’t handle it. because of that i dont really have much friends and the ones i did have i moved away from. i moved away cause i couldn’t take living in that house full of people who i always had to wonder about my worth to them. the house full of someone who thought it was okay to touch you while you were asleep and touch you when they were drunk and watch you from your window while you changed. it wasn’t all too bad but my life was getting nowhere. i was feeling so trapped. i couldnt even be comfortable in my own house without someone watching. another part was the toxic relationship i had. he used me for my body and my money and my love. in turn i barely got anything back. it wasnt all that bad but i never got the same treatment. it really hurt for 4 years of going back and forth on that. although i forgive him, the trauma i get because of my body being used against me… it always gets me. im not a big fan of sex because of that. because of that trauma i cant even look at myself. standards in life is so high. people will always judge you for what you have and what you wear but never for who you are. financially struggling and constantly worrying if your family can make ends meet is also very stressful. because of constant overtimes and spending time with others more than you, you feel left out of the picture. like you’re the only one in your family. i had my mom leave me when i just turned 8. i never knew my father and so i lived with my grandma (god bless her). it was a hard life not getting anything you want. because they constantly were gone and never was home, you feel neglected, worthless, and unloved. because of those developed feelings, it turned against me in my relationships. i was always too clingy and overprotective… i cared and asked about you. i would spam always. i checked up on you and i spoiled you. i do have bad tempers only during gaming tho (who doesn’t). i guess just being like that is too much for someone. but i dont really need much. i just want your love and attention and for you to genuinely talk and care about me. because of my past, my relationship now is crumbling. i know they love me yet i constantly need reassurance. they work hard and they have priorities and im sure they get tired because of that and i understand. but sometimes i dont wanna always have to understand why im being put second or third or last on their agenda. i wanna be a priority to someone while they do their own things sometimes. i wanna be important for once yenno? and lately i haven’t been getting that and its starting to trigger my major depression i had a while back. im always getting suicidal thoughts now and feelings of not being important or it would be better for everyone if i werent here and you know what? it’s starting to weigh heavily on me (which would explain why im even writing this paragraph anonymously on this site and others. i just want someone to vent to that gets it. and for once i wanna cry on someone’s shoulders and be held so tightly it’ll fix all the crumbling shattered pieces of me. just maybe…

2 Comments
If you or somebody you know is currently struggling, please please please take 10 deep breaths and reach out to somebody. Here are a few of the many resources available

Dear User, for your own safety, we urge you to NOT share any personal information [email, phone number, social media handles, address etc.] with other Now&Me users.

Post anonymously?
u

I read it… i can’t understand you because i never gone something like it… but i have good feeling towards you…

From last 10 year i just want a friend, some people call me desperate some lusty… if i am lust them i am 22 but never even hug someone… never touch someone… just want a friend… may be i am lust… may i am bad i don’t know…

I just a friend as my partner who never left my side… i am old school guy… i still believe in old romance…

Lot’s of heart break and ups and dwons in life make me alot better person then before so i try to help people on this site… 10 year if depression and 3 year of anxiety and lots of other problems…

I just want be with someone who want to stay with me and understand me… Nothing more i don’t ask from them…

Dear… i don’t say you wilk date me… please don’t may be i am not a good person… don’t trust… but you need a good supporting and understanding friend… i help you to feel better… let’s become friends
My ig - utsav.saini.100
I will understand you without judgement , support you with out asking something from you… i am here for you… let cry on my shoulder then i trymy best you never will cry again

God bless you take care you will be feel better soon stay happy nd strong… ❤😊

daisyblah

My buddy. First of all. What happened with you was bad. We don’t have an measurement for how bad things work with us because it’s still bad like it still affects you. Glad that you spoke about it and ranted it out here you know no we all are like this Bing protective Bing jealous it’s human nature I understand you and I am proud of you I wish I was there for you so that you can cry on my shoulders but remember one thing you are a strong person and one day you’ll find someone who will love you the way you have loved everyone the way you deserve to be loved till then you have to love yourself because that’s very important and if you want to talk we can talk. even though internet friendships doesn’t work that much because we are are not physically there for each other to share and to cry and to smile together .but we can give it a try so everything is gonna be alright you will be alright we will be alright I love you