Estoy cansada ☹
I’m tired of the constant energy I have to give to keep going and push myself, school drains me the fuck out and I’m now realizing how difficult it truly is. I thought I could handle it but it’s finally taking a toll on me, it’s still quite impressive how I didn’t break up completly doing two years of school in one and completing almost all of it in three weeks… but oh boy the effects it left me.
I thank the previous foundations and bases I did on myself to keep myself strong, because if I didn’t it… this process would’ve absolutely destroyed me.
Still, these months I’ve been going back and forth wanting to express myself in other areas and such but always coming back to… school work. Also, sister moved back home just when I joined school again and definetely having lack of privacy due to us having to share room is worst than I imagined lol once you have privacy you will apreciate it forever.
I… don’t know what direction I’m aiming here. Usually when I write I finish in a positive note which always cheers me up, but I’m so in the neutral it’s difficult to make out the - my present. Just wishing those two weeks of vacation which I Know I will spend more studying than resting but I need No Deadlines godbless.
After this, little things have been pilling up even though I saidddd I promised to not get affected and let myself be sour in life by such irrelevant things, but is hard when is the only that “entertains” your mind. Things like falling upon bad habits (bad usage of social media, all day on the phone), slowly abandoning my good habits and not properly enjoying hobbies, getting irritated by small such a small things of friends via chatting + whatever social problem I can think, not managing my emotions like I’m supposed so, problems with money, the house, my health (poor my digestive system and everything in between down there😟), and etc… I still have a lot to work on myself, I have to take it easy though and use sympathy on myself trying to be understanding yet enoughly critical. I really want to get back to me and enjoy living.
Wanted to get out this off my chest. Just sharing it to myself and putting it into words. I know I have to persist just a little more, things are better than my mind makes it up for, and I will get out of this. For now… keep the hard work until I can have a proper rest.