I’ve finally realized that I expect too much of myself. All this time I’ve felt like a failure. Why can’t seem to have a work/school/life balance when everyone else can obtain one? Why can’t I seem to find that area where I’m doing what I have to but don’t feel like I’m just existing? Why don’t I have time to do things that I want? And I would bring these things up and everyone would just give encouraging messages of you can do it, or sometimes you just have to push through the unpleasant parts to get where you want. Which yes are true but I constantly feel like I’m at my breaking point of just snapping and not being able to move from my bed for weeks on end. And I could never pinpoint it. What was the cause. No one was telling me I had to do these things. No one said I had to have a full time job, take 18 credit hours and be the go to person for everyone but here I am doing all these things. The past few weeks have been so bad. I’ve been slacking on my school work immensely, I show up to work slightly late everyday because I am literally waking up and getting dressed and leaving, I’m eating once a day (and not even a meal more like a handful of crackers), I was showering maybe once every four days, I was seeing my friends hardly ever and anytime I had free time I was sleeping. Even on my off days I didn’t do anything I needed to because I just pretended like none of my problems existed so I could just have that little bit of time for myself. And this week I got super sick. It probably started off with allergies but the way I’ve been living for the past month and a half I’m sure made my regular allergies kick my ass completely. And on top of that a serious bout of depression joined the party. So here I was laying in bed wondering why I’m doing everything I should but I still wish that I was doing none of it and it finally hit me. I’M THE ONE WHO IS EXPECTING TOO MUCH! I’m the one who thought that I could take 18 credit hours, work 40 hours a week and live my life and be happy. And I’m finally realizing I can’t. Maybe other people can and that’s amazing but I can’t…and that’s okay. So I am now trying to find the courage to email my professor’s and ask for extra credit or maybe just a little help on getting my grades up for the last stretch of the semester and tell my boss that I need to cut my 5 days a week down to 2 or 3. I guess I’m just here asking for support or someone to tell me that this isn’t an awful idea because I am currently feeling that I am letting so many down. I know logically that what I’m doing is best but I still feel like I’m letting so many people down. I know in that I can get over this but right now in this moment it feels like it’s impossible. Thanks in advance.
You never know how much someone else is doing. What seems infront of the eyes isn’t true. There are many struggles behind to show that perfection. Unless you are close to someone with whom you share your everyday life, we can’t really say that someone handles it perfectly, right?
Comparing yourself with someone else wil always make you feel less of yourself because then you try to push your limits in order to look like someone else’s daily life. This is the biggest enemy and you shouldn’t compare because everyone has their own pace, struggles, situations and in general lifestyle. And everyone works what suits best for them which may or maynot be best for you. So, work oon how you want to work ahead and achieve things in life.
Depression is something which you can treat and you’ll feel better mentally and physically. You would be able to breathe and bring your life back on track (slowly and gradually).
Lastly, expectations always leads to disappointment. However it’s natural to have basic ones but then again we are responsible for those and have to handle it own our own and not blame anyone else for that.
Akash Dalal @skybroker
wow. I am amazed that how you have a problem and you have solution for that too. this is so good. at least you have a plan and you are courageous to make a move you just wanted to make sure you are doing it right? and if this it. than YES you are doing it right, i totally understand the struggles you are facing currently, I hope your undefeated plan work and you get your boss and professor agree to you. And I wish you a speedy recovery from your allergies. And Please take care. You are Important to you.
and if there is anything else you want to say, we are here to hear you. :)