Emilia @nobodymuch
I’ve always been a quiet person, just me and the mess that sometimes is able to suffocate me. Everyone thinks I’m quiet but I always smile and talk away to the closest people. I’m always talking lately and smiling when I’m in classes with nice teachers or with my teacher who cares about me.
Everything’s great around people but when I’m on my own then things turn the other way. Thoughts suffocate me slowly, thoughts about what I shouldn’t have said, shouldn’t have did, that I should have done this not that, that I looked like a fool. Following that, I’m not happy. I’m always thinking, I am never at peace in my mind because I just keep thinking and thinking. I’m always falling into this, I don’t know, I don’t smile or feel sad or angry.
I want to be noticed. I’ve always been quiet in class, never spoke but I have these days where I speak and smile more than I am controlling myself. Everyone thinks I’m happy that everythings great when I think about how tiring this all is and how I just want it all to stop. How I’m just so tired, I barely get through the school week.
I feel disappointed when my teacher thinks I am doing better. Opening up more. Which I have but it always falls back to me and my thoughts when I’m alone or ignored. I want to be noticed. I want attention I’ve never got from the people I want. But when I get attention I try to run from it or regret it, feeling like I made a fool of myself.
I’m just so tired mentally, I don’t know how to not be.
sudharani @rudra
Hmmm, you wanted to be noticed and you dnt wanted to benoticed, you want attention and again you dnt want it,hmm see babes(dnt take me wrong i just like to call that)its like you are getting frustated,feeling depressed the way you are,dnt do it yourselves ok you are the most valuable thing that you had for yourselves,speak up the way you want no one is perfect,learn by experience,the way to talk,no need to worry I trust you,you will do the best
Emilia @nobodymuch
Thank you for your reply, it has really been a difficult year for me mentally. I’m glad to get your reply <3
