Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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⚕️Depression

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ani @abc20

it’s been more than a year since college ended. but the memories are alive.
The final year is supposed to be the best one. people placed, no classes, fewer subjects and this time online exams too, thanks to the pandemic.
for me, everything was fine until I had fallen for someone. Someone junior, two years junior! We spent just 5 months and I didn’t realize when and how I was extremely into them. I should have restricted myself as never got the same from them. The person was not true to themselves, so was never true to me as well. There were lots of instances that warned me to restrict myself, but it was difficult without them and I couldn’t distant myself. I saw them with other people. Even, they used to ask me to accompany them, when they used to meet those people. I was confused, not about my feelings but their’s. But in the night, at times when I used to get loveyou texts, everything seemed fine! and I used to think yes they are in love and all those people are just friends.
But now when I am in all my senses, each moment flashes back and pinches me hard and reminds me, why I was this much available to them, why I gave all of mine to them, why I fell so hard for them. There is so much to tell, and it feels heavy. I feel like, do they even know what they did, I feel like telling this to them, all about my thoughts. the ones which I never shared back in the college and the ones which are fresh. It hurts me when I realize, they may not even have noticed the efforts I had put in, the sacrifices I did, the stability which I lost, the wellbeing which was destroyed, the pain which I endured. And the very next second it strikes me that this thought of mine is wrong and I am being selfish about it. And this is the last thing I would hear, my love labeled as selfish. Because all I did is to love that person with purity. It was selfless love I have never been in.

1 reply

F @ohhshhiitt

Going through these feelings since 2 yrs and it had made me stone hearted and now my interaction with the opposite gender is reduced to much. It had made my self defense mechanism that if I would talk to much with them the past would repeat again. Automatically my brain reminds me of them atleast once a day everyday. And now I have become a ghoster to everyone new I meet.

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