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Profile picture for Now&Me member @kavyaganesh

Kavya Ganesh @kavyaganesh

I’m not sure how to respond to friends who open up to me. I’m always nervous about whether or not I’m saying the wrong thing. I want them to be able to trust me, but what if I ask the wrong question, or say something that makes them feel worse? I’d feel like I lost a chance at a meaningful conversation, or better, a meaninful relationship. As I write this, it strikes me that all this while, I’ve been worried about my ‘loss’, instead of refocusing my attention on their needs. If they aren’t able to find a confidant, they stand to lose more than I do, and I often don’t recognise that consciously. My need to be right might also have a role to play in this, I find it difficult to accept when I don’t get something right after trying my best.
I understand that my behaviour and thoughts are selfish to some extent, but I also do genuinely care for these people. I want them to be happy, I want the best for all of my friends.
I don’t know how to go about this, and sometimes, trying to help them out ends up stressing me so much, that neither one of us leaves the conversation with something valuable. Please help <3

Profile picture for Now&amp;Me member @st1199
1 reply
Profile picture for Now&amp;Me member @st1199

Simran @st1199

Hey!
So, there is no wrong or right question to ask to your friend. If they are for you, know you then they will understand you too for what you are asking or telling them.
If you still feel that it may hurt them, first say “I want to ask something but not sure how to ask or should I” and then they know that there is something and will accept it more easily as they know you are hesitant to ask. Feels great?

Secondly, since you are expecting to get what you want from them, then you will automatically be disappointmented. You help someone without getting anything in return or even without necessarily accepting whatever you said to them. Just help when you want to without expectatations. Trust me it will give you more joy.

Don’t overthink. It is killing you and making you feel bad and selfish more often i believe. Let’s suppose i am writing this to you because I want to help and talk to you without wanting to get something in return. It gives me pleasure in doing so. And if it helps, my job will be successfull as a friend of yours.
I hope now you will understand my point more clearly. :)

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