I'm not able to hold on to the moment , I'm constantly rushing. These mechanical moves that I am making are no good. I wish to feel but ...feeling, that doesn't end well ,  .

Feelings make us human. Let yourself feel things, experience things. 

Mental Health

I have no one to talk to. I have friends but i dont want to burden them. And also i cant describe what im feeling. It feels like hell. Keeping everything inside. I just want it to stop. I want everything to stop. I want to leave and not exist at all.

Depression

It's important to treat others with kindness, understanding, and respect - but make sure you're treating yourself the same way too. 

Other

not being dramatic but i had a complete emotional breakdown while i was cooking my dinner earlier. ive never experienced like that in my life. i dont exactly know why. its not about a girl or a relationship but i guess life in general. i cried for 15 minutes and just hugged my dog and it made me feel better somehow

i kept myself busy for work lately, watched some movies, played some video games, went solo shopping to help my anxiety but nothing seems to help me in any way

Anxiety

I told her how I felt about her. No, not that I want her to be my girlfriend, but just how much she matters to me. That she is important to me and she makes me who I am. I told her that I was sorry for the way I used to be, and how I used to act. This girl… she is so forgiving and kind, I love her so much. I don’t need her to be my girlfriend though because I can be just as happy with her as my friend. I want to do so much for her, but she wants me to save that money and energy so I can use it on my future. I want to hug her when she cries, and she lets me hold her close to me. I want to tell her when I’m upset and be aloud to ask her to hug me, she scruffs my hair with her hand and massages my back while I cry on her shoulder. I want to make her happy, she says that me just being there already makes her overjoyed. She’s so amazing… I’m so lucky to have her even though I don’t deserve it. 

Relationships

Is it right to date married lady ?
Got confused . 
Any review?

Adulting

I'm feeling depressed and stressful. My parents are not happy couple and there will always be some fight or the other in the family. I feel insecure. I have many cousins but none of them are close. All these made me feel very bad. I thought of making a friend outside my family and tried to support from that friend to overcome my insecurity. Things went smoothly for few years but again in the last one year, it started to be shaky and yesterday it ended. I hurt people who help me and I'm not able to understand even simple things without saying. I long for people but I don't know how to hold on in the relationship. My insecurity of having no one for me haunts me day and night. I don't even have a close friend with whom I can vent out. Life seems to be horrible. My career achievements are not making me happy. I don't want to end my life. I need some motivation to live. Is there any way to overcome my insecurity and build good relationship with people whom I had good relationship earlier? 

Insecurity

Day 75 of writing journal entries.

I had a good day today! Was a tad bit tired, not really sure why, but that’s okay, I’ll just make sure to get some good sleep tonight. Most days I know I don’t do much but that might change soon, because as of right now, I’m trying to find things to fill my time with, things I can write about in these entries. Any fun suggestions would be nice, something to cook or bake, hobbies, movies, etc.

I suppose one interesting thing happened today, well it’s going to happen, I’m going golfing with my grandpa on Wednesday next week. We golf together a lot but had to stop and wait for the weather to get a lil better, and since it’s getting warmer he wants to take me! So, I’m excited for that.

That’s all for this entry, hope you’re doing well. 🧡

Personal Growth

So like me and my mom’s relationship is horrible, like if I do ANYTHING like even burn food she is always yelling at me and every single time she says “I swear there’s something wrong with you” or something along the lines of “you need help” like at first I just yelled back at her but now I feel like there’s something seriously wrong with me, not  because she said so but because of the way I act and how I feel, and she is always degrading me, every little thing I’m happy about, like if I go to school for the first time in awhile and I want to tell her I got good on a test or something she’s always like “I don’t care it’s not like you go anyway”. And she’s always nice to my brother and shit and gets him stuff but never me, it’s always my brother and it’s like she hates me.

And the things she says to me aren’t normal like my older sister is a drug addict and stuff and she always says “what you wanna become a whore like your sister?” And one time when I was 12 she destroyed my room trying to find drugs or anything all cause I stayed out late?? Like I was 12 why would u do that. And she always says there’s something wrong with me but never try’s to get me help, and I’m to scared to ask??

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts