I'm new here and really don't know what I'm doing. I feel really bad about hiding my secret from my family and it is haunting me. What should I do?

Why are you hiding ur job thing to ur parents? Are you doing job out of country? 

It depends what type of secret your hiding from them so that it won't effect ur feelings 

I feel suicidal and fear that i will not be able to make it in life

Suicidal Ideation

I miss you tonight. I wish you still love me and miss me too. 

3am Thoughts

OK BYE JST TAKING A LEAVE

Dreams

I am so affraid ...my heart is beating  so fast I can't  even  breathe  properly  ...I am kind of freaked  out ... I can't  show  my fear  to anyone  ! I am so so affraid  I am with my dad his ecg and all reports  are  so abnormal.... man I can't  even  react as my dad is kind of affraid  of hospitals ... he gets anxiety  when he gets there and there is a lot thing to do ... doctors  aren't  sure  about  his condition  I am the elder one in the family  I am the one  who  need to handle  everything  my dad is my backbone  and  I am nothing  without  him  and now he is weak  emotionally  and  physically  !!!  How will I do everything  , there is a hell lot of procedures how can I be so courageous  when a person  who gives me courage  is weak ......  I never  felt  to be a boy our want to have a brother this bad ... I thought   I was enough  my sisters  are enough  but we were strong because  the shield  my dad was stronger  ... he is weak all relatives  all Uncles are trying  to  be the  man of our house  like they are the one who will make decisions  !!! Idk I am loosing  control  over myself., my emotions   I am vulnerable  !!

Anxiety

Lately I've been feeling empty. Sure, I do laugh at times cry without reason but this empty feeling lingers inside me? I can't find joy in things that I used to love to do.. Like drawing, reading and watching anime. And I started to hate myself for not doing anything, I can't keep up with my academic works or sleep schedules. Moreover, I'm annoyed that I'm being this hard on myself but how much I try I can't break from thia feeling of self hatred. I started to envy my friends who could love themselves as a piece of cake. I used to love myself too and I kind of still do but I can't really feel anything? And seeing them doing it with ease makes me feel bitter and I hate that I'm feeling like that when I'm supposed to be happy for them. I can't even look myself in the mirror for a little longer because of the self criticising voice. I'm aware of those thoughts and I know they are not helping me at all, but I'm losing my control over them. I really want to feel something nice for a while because I feel like my crappy attitude will spread to others and make them sad (which I don't want to). I talk to my friends and we are really close but I can't bring myself to talk about this to them, because it has nothing to do with them, I should be the one to deal with these thoughts, sure they could support me and help me but I don't know.. They got issues of their own, I don't want to be a burden to them.
I feel like I've been too emotional at times.. Like for today my friends teased me for something silly, I pretended to laugh and joke about it too with them because no one likes it when someone takes a joke too seriously right? But it still kinda hurt.. In a way? (I did tell this to my friend later and she was really sweet and nice to me, I'm thankful for that) but I still feel kinda humiliated? More like embarrassed? Idk.. I know I don't have much of  self respect or self love since my therapist already pointed that out in our last session😅 but I wanted to work on that.. But I feel more ashamed that I just stood there and did nothing for myself because I'm too much of a people pleaser. I hate that. And i know that hatred might spread to other and I really don't want to hate anyone. I  don't know where to begin , on working myself... I feel lost. 

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