Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I’m feeling depressed lately, idk if i deserve what’s happening i just feel so stupid that i let someone to force me to have sex and i expressed my concerns from the first day we were official that i don’t want these stuff but he kept doing it and doing it until i started feeling numb and not feeling anything when he have sex with me i was feeling that much numb till he started calling me a rock and started makes jokes about it, i told him about my sexual assault but he choose to not believe me and call me a liar and i had sex before him while i didn’t have any sex with anyone except him, then when i felt the courage to stand up for myself i told him we should stop having sex because i don’t like it he started telling me gf and bf if they don’t have sex they consider as friends only and I would dumb you eventually if you didn’t fulfill my needs and because i was young and dumb i fell for it and started giving him what he needs until he started getting the feelings that I’m actually being forced to it after this i got pregnant and he promised me he won’t ever leave me and he’ll marry me i had my miscarriage he was there for me and everything but that’s where i felt he started be distant with me then after this he cheated on me and suddenly he decided to respect her wishes to not have sex nor force her and left me with all scars and pain in moving on.