i’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now -
i’ve recently graduated a year or so ago, during the middle of the pandemic - my parents insisted i stay online through the first year of highschool, and now I’m going back for the first time in a mere few days.
I’ve lost all contact with all of my former friends, due to various reasons; trust breaking, distance, and an absence of their presence no matter how much i reach out to them. on Monday, I’m going back to school and I’m extremely anxious to the point where its affected my behaviour right now.
my family isn’t helping either; earlier my mom got mad at me and scolded me for being rude when i said to her that i was going back soon. (to remind her.) she got upset because of the tone and how ‘fierce’ my gaze was apparently, when truthfully, i was actually on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
i don’t know what i should feel, or what i should be doing. my parents also make me work at the family restaurant on weekends, which is a nightmare for me since i hate interacting with strangers and such - and i have to speak my second language to a majority of them, causing fumbles and more piled up stress.
I’m afraid of reality and hate myself for it. the bubble I’ve been hiding in, since the start of the pandemic, is about to burst–i know the sooner i return, the better, yet i’m not sure why i’m so hesitant. i’m scared of being alone and isolated, since i’m returning right at the end of march break - where all the social groups and cliques have been formed, and how there may not be room for me. i’m also insecure about my appearance and how i look, and how much pressure my parents put on me to look after my younger sister - whomst has no care in the world for her grades. she’s failing music and has 60+ missing assignments (i kid you not) and is still unbothered by that. my parents are aswell, but its making me extremely stressed.
is there any way to make them understand me, and to calm myself down?
