Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I’m a girl and I come from a typical middle-class family living in one of India’s major cities. My family comprises of mom, dad, and younger sister, while my extending family lives in a different city. My mom’s side is from a small village and they are quite orthodox. When my mom was expecting my sister, my maternal grandma kept fasts and other stuff so that the baby would be a boy. I always wanted a sister and was on cloud 9th when she was born. Everyone(dad’s and mom’s side) was happy, except my grandma and maternal uncle and aunt. My grandma was literally crying and my aunt called my mom to console her thinking my parents would be sad. But they were so happy that they distributed jalebis among the family, neighbors, and hospital staff.
Giving a little background story about my mom’s side family. My maternal uncle and aunt have 3 daughters and 1 younger son. And yes, they were sad and cried when their 2nd and 3rd daughter was born. Whenever I visit their place, I have observed how they treat their son differently. All 3 daughters go to a local school and 2 of them were married off really young. While the son lives in a boarding school in another big city. I remember when I was small and we used to visit my mom’s place, there would randoms aunties asking my mom, “2 daughters? No son?”. It hurts knowing that a WOMEN is sad about another WOMEN being born. The fact that really bothers me is that my grandma has 4 kids- 3 sons, and my mom is the youngest one. She did some real vigours fast or something so that their 4th baby would be a girl. While on the other hand, she crying because her own daughter has 2 daughters is quite ironic, right?
After my sister was born, my grandma tried convincing my mom for taking another chance and doing some rituals and taking some pills and whatnot stuff. My mom didn’t follow any of those because she was and still is happy with 2 daughters. I have heard them argue a couple of times.
I personally never experienced any different treatment from them. Except for those common, don’t go out late, don’t talk to boys and all. But I don’t really care because my parents are not bothered by any of those so why should anyone else be.
But ya my grandma and everyone in my maternal family loves us and making special dishes and buying us gifts and all. But for some reason, it’s always back in my head that my grandma would have preffered a grandson. And due to this I can’t really connect with her or have a proper bonding. While me and my maternal grandpa have a really sweet relation. When I was small, I used to behave differently when she was around and kinda felt like a outsider. She and even my mom thinks that I hate her. No, I don’t. It’s just that I really can’t bond with her. Sometimes I even think that if I was a boy, maybe she would have loved me a little more…