I’m 19 and ive realized that im genuinely confused about everythj g in my life like my future career and sexuality. both absolutely stress me out. my life has been really messed up from 12 to now.
my dad got deported. that got me really sad then a couple months later my mom met a guy which turnt out to be an abuser. he mentally and physically abused her and I hate it bc I cant do anything g about it she tells me to not do anything about it. hes been in our life till 13- to now and he never gets away from us. hes really messed me up and this family. hes had us live at multiple family shelters and destroy out car and later apartment.
hes been put in jail then comes out. also idk how but found out when we all left him and moved from Seattle to slc when he was out while we bought a bus ticket to utah. him and my mom have a kid together and shes been giving g him chances just bc she doesnt wanna seem like a bad guy and not have my little sister see her abusive dad. oh and did I mention they’re both alcoholics. they always fight and argue. we live in Utah in a ywca then finally got our own place. my mom struggled. now I can finally work and help her out. what’s scary is he found out where we live even though we never told him he said he had friends who knew where we were at and my mom had to let him live with us or he’ll threaten to beat her up, destroy the car we finally have after years and our home and everything inside.so she had to. this isnt what kills me it’s also my career. idk what to do. idk what I wanna be. I’m really confused. I want to get a therapist or an online friend bc I literally have no friends. I lost my only ones recently in which she tried to flip an argument and dares to say that I told her sister her life didnt matter. literally what? ofc it does. that really broke me.
I’m also dealing with that and like I said my career. i tell my mom I’m confused idk what to do and all she says is I’m stupid and a retar* for always being on social media and caring more about that and blames everything on who I follow and what I watch and how its ruining me and is why I’m confused. idont wanna say she emotionally abuses us but she constantly talks us down by demeaning us with hurtful words and yells too. shes so negative. please I just wanna k kw what can I do to go off on my own without all this stress and sadness pulling me down. also I keep losing passion for the things that I love and can never get back into it. any advice please?
Hi. It sounds like a really tough spot that your mother is in. She’s lost the fight to protect her children from a guy with anger issues. I’d recommend trying to reach out to a volunteer agency about how the home life is - its not just about her anymore, but about you and your half sister. She’s angry that she has no control over her situation and is drowning away her emotions and lashing out.
My dad served in the US Navy for 20 years and eight of them, he had two daughters. He was out to sea quite a lot even after we were born so it was just my mom and us. She wasn’t very pleasant to us - being emotionally and verbally abusive - things my friends never saw.
She is the only person that she can help herself. For you, being of age now, you can help yourself. If you fear for your half sister who sounds like she’s still a minor, you can reach out to a children’s services that can help children who are in an abusive home.
For your growth however, that’s a different matter. You say you don’t know what you want to do career wise or your sexuality. Neither one needs a label. I personally feel like, if you have feelings for someone (regardless of how they identify) then that is all that matters. Career, well, that’s something for you to discover. You have a lot of time to find it. For now, just enjoy life - if you want to see what its like to waitress, then do it. If you want to do guided tours, then do it. If you want to be an EMT, then go do that.
It’s your choice, your life, your future.
Good luck.
