I’m 19 and ive realized that im genuinely confused about everythj g in my life like my future career and sexuality. both absolutely stress me out. my life has been really messed up from 12 to now.
my dad got deported. that got me really sad then a couple months later my mom met a guy which turnt out to be an abuser. he mentally and physically abused her and I hate it bc I cant do anything g about it she tells me to not do anything about it. hes been in our life till 13- to now and he never gets away from us. hes really messed me up and this family. hes had us live at multiple family shelters and destroy out car and later apartment.
hes been put in jail then comes out. also idk how but found out when we all left him and moved from Seattle to slc when he was out while we bought a bus ticket to utah. him and my mom have a kid together and shes been giving g him chances just bc she doesnt wanna seem like a bad guy and not have my little sister see her abusive dad. oh and did I mention they’re both alcoholics. they always fight and argue. we live in Utah in a ywca then finally got our own place. my mom struggled. now I can finally work and help her out. what’s scary is he found out where we live even though we never told him he said he had friends who knew where we were at and my mom had to let him live with us or he’ll threaten to beat her up, destroy the car we finally have after years and our home and everything inside.so she had to. this isnt what kills me it’s also my career. idk what to do. idk what I wanna be. I’m really confused. I want to get a therapist or an online friend bc I literally have no friends. I lost my only ones recently in which she tried to flip an argument and dares to say that I told her sister her life didnt matter. literally what? ofc it does. that really broke me.
I’m also dealing with that and like I said my career. i tell my mom I’m confused idk what to do and all she says is I’m stupid and a retar* for always being on social media and caring more about that and blames everything on who I follow and what I watch and how its ruining me and is why I’m confused. idont wanna say she emotionally abuses us but she constantly talks us down by demeaning us with hurtful words and yells too. shes so negative. please I just wanna k kw what can I do to go off on my own without all this stress and sadness pulling me down. also I keep losing passion for the things that I love and can never get back into it. any advice please?