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PTSDThought

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Anonymous

I was going to write out an entire elaborate paragraph kind of defending my toxic ex and putting some of the blame on myself, because although in ways I feel we enabled each other I don’t think anything I did really could have justified what he put me through. We were both each others first relationship (I know…) and we didn’t really know what we were doing. I don’t really know how to gradually get into this bit so I just wanna put a warning there’s (a form of online abuse?? I don’t know what to call it)
There’s a game that lets you customize your own characters that allows you to essentially just design yourself into a cutesy animated figure. I won’t put the name out there because not only do I want this behavior to be enabled by ANYBODY and I don’t wanna give the game a bad reputation.
We both had this game downloaded and we had each others characters on each others mobile devices. He would have both of our characters engage in graphic sexual acts and send screenshots to me, knowing very well it made me uncomfortable. He would tease me with it and would threaten me with it when I wouldn’t do what he wanted. Not only that but he would call me names and call me a wimp because I wouldn’t engage in it myself. I was eventually peer pressured into making a disgusting image myself. The people around us would also enable it, calling each other perverts and taking it all as a big joke.
Regardless if it was anything “real” or actually physical it felt like a really weird form of torture. He never really did anything physical to hurt me and wouldn’t dare attempt to do anything sexual in real life, but it was like the sky was the limit when it came to these fictional alter-egos. We don’t talk anymore but we still see each other from time to time. When I see his face it’s all I can seem to think about. Has anybody been through something similar? What was your experience? I’m genuinely confused as to if this is a universal thing.

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